She believed she could. So she did.

    I am a woman of determination. Like my mother has said, "You have become a woman that when someone tells you that you can't do something or you get tired of waiting--you will do whatever it takes to get it done." And that was my attitude for this past year.

    2013 was a huge turning point for me. 2012 was not my year. It was a year of lows, personally. So, I was determined to make 2013 my year. With my friends and family rallying behind me, picking up pieces of the chaotic hot mess that I was--I knew  I needed to set goals. Every time there is a special occasion, my friends and I have a special moment of "cheers and toasting!" On my birthday, with three of my best friends by my side and their husbands, we celebrated the night with wine and a ridiculous game of Partini (if you've never heard of it- it's a stupid game that we somehow turned it into 3 hours of entertainment). We toasted to 2013 being my year.  The few days afterwards, I was browsing Pinterest and found this quote/verse.

 

   It's amazing how God can use Pinterest to speak to you! Has anyone else ever had that happened to them? Anyways, I kept rereading this scripture over and over. As I prayed in my quiet time that day, I had a peace that came over me. A peace that whispered in my ear, "Wait. God has great promises for you this year." So, that's exactly what I did. Philippians 3:13: I am not all I should be, but I am focusing all my energies on this one thing: forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead. And that's exactly what I did. I looked ahead to 2013 and fully embraced what God had promised to me for this year. I have to say, I am sad to see 2013 come to an end. It was a year of new beginnings, new adventures, and a new attitude. So what happened over the past year? Well, let's just take a trip down memory lane and see what exactly I learned from this year.

 

1. Sometimes you have to just let people leave your life. If they walk out on you, then your destiny is not tied to them. It's hard to see someone you love choose a lifestyle that you will never understand. But, you have just have to trust and let go.
2. My brother is more entertaining sober. I have laughed more in the past year with him than I have in years. What was once a broken relationship, God has restored. But let's not dwell on the fact that I'm almost 30 and he's almost 40 and we're roommates.
3. Be bold and speak up. This has come more truer this past year than ever. I typically keep thoughts and feelings internalized. However, past situations and relationships has forced me to stand my ground and put myself first. If anything, sometimes I now need to be less vocal (filter!) and keep my mouth closed--especially at work.
4. I have come to love teaching--again. I lost my passion last school year, and I hated feeling that way. Bogged down by the political aspects of education and not being extremely happy in my work environment--I wanted a change. Thankfully, God blessed me with a great coworker across the hall, and a fabulous start to a new school year. I still have my moments, but it's nothing that a little Mexican can't fix and an afternoon in the Rocking Thinking Chair.
5. Bettering the butt! That has been my motto. When I was at my low at the end of 2012, my dear friend Robin forced me to start running to keep my mind moving and focus on the pain of the hills at Dorman. Then, came Barre class. Or as my brother calls it--getting up on the pole class. Robin started going to classes at Studio B and invited me to go. I was kind of skeptical. Then sweet Nancy bought my first month free. So, I had to go. After my first class, I was hooked. Studio B has become another place where I channel my stress and frustrations--all while bettering my butt! It has become a win-win situation. Thanks to Brooke for being the encourager; Allison for yelling at me to squat and squeeze another inch lower when she's secretly mad at herself for her "bad eating"; and to Sweet Mary for telling me that I deserve an hour to smile, work at my personal best all while learning some sweet tribal dance moves.
6. Always seize an opportunity to see old friends. I honestly have never realized how much I missed my old friends until I started making random trips across the state to see them. If anything, I need to see the more--they do my soul good. Plus, it's always a good excuse to get away from the madness every now and then.
7. Be you. When I started dating, I had this preconceived notion of a certain girl I should be. And honestly, I forgot who I was in the whole process. Each guy I dated, I tried to make myself be the girl that he would like. Epic failure. Wait for the person who you can be your complete self around. It is worth it.
8. God brings people into your life at the perfect moment. I guess it goes back to my verse: waiting patiently for God's promises.
9. When you pray for God to close a door or leave it open--don't be shocked when he actually slams it shut. But be on guard for what may come next. Be open to possibilities and give people a chance to prove you wrong.
10. Guard your heart. Be careful with who you share with and who you become "intimate" with on a daily basis. And I don't mean sexually. Your deepest thoughts and words when spoken to someone cannot be taken back.
11. When your friends offer advice, they are only looking out for your best interest. Be open to listen but in the end-- you decide what makes you happy.
12. Talk it out. Communicate. It hurts to know that a broken relationship could have been restored or saved if we did just a little bit more communicating and tried to understand one another. Sometimes it's a little too late but you never know what the future could bring.
13. Forgiveness. It can change your attitude and your lifestyle. What is so beautiful about forgiveness is that it happens when you least expect it. I had to forgive some pretty important people and move past some situations in my life this year. And it's incredible how God prepared my heart for these opportunities of forgiveness. If He hadn't prepared my heart, I would still be harboring bitterness, hate, and loneliness.
14. Laugh. God has put me in some pretty crazy situations that all you can do is laugh. I have learned to laugh at my self, my mistakes, and my triumphs.
15. Don't compare yourself to others. Focus on your positives and move from there. When you focus on your weakness, it can rob you of joy. Only focus on your weakness when you are determined to change that weakness for the best.
16.  Be ready for opportunities that come a-knocking! But also remember that every opportunity that is presented to you is not one that you should take. Pray for discernment. Ask for wisdom to be spoken to you. Then, be bold and act.
17. Fight for what you want.
18. While your friends are moving ahead in their own personal life, be happy for them. Know that while "nothing happening" everyday may seem to be your motto (cKb!) of life, your friends need you just as much as you need them. Be glad that they want to share their happiest moments with you.

    I tried to come up with two more to make it to twenty, and my mind is done for the night. It's a lot to reflect on the past year. But I think coming up with 18 lessons learned is pretty good. Even if you learned one lesson from 2013, that was worth the whole year. What's to come in 2014? New goals. New determination. New opportunities that I am super excited about.

 

   2013. I waited patiently. I endured trials. I endured promises. I can honestly say that I received God's promises this year. I just wonder, what are God's promises for next year? I can hardly wait. 

When the tradition is altered: finding joy in unwanted change

    Every year I have my students write about their family traditions. At the age of eight, many of them write about their Christmas traditions, sometimes Easter or my favorite-- our traditional Friday dance brain breaks. But this year, as we were talking about family traditions and customs, my mind and heart instantly went back to my own family's traditions. This year, though, I was reminded how so much of my family's traditions have changed just in the last year and how I was currently dreading Christmas day. 

    It's no secret that my family is going through some personal, trying times right now. And I guess I could have called it last year. Actually, I did call it last year at Christmas. After going through a rough patch in my personal life, it was my first Christmas in five years that I had spent the whole winter break in Spartanburg. As I looked around at my family that morning, afternoon, and evening I realized how much I had missed spending time with them during the holiday season. But, I also knew deep down that the next year (meaning this Christmas) would hold a lot of changes for myself and for my family. Last Christmas, things were not perfect. But it was almost like my family put aside family differences just for the a few days. I think deep down we just knew it would be one last holiday together for a while-as a whole family. Fast forward to this year, families are now separated, people have moved out of our life and some of us were left behind to pick up the pieces and trying to figure out some sort of normalcy for Christmas. It hasn't been easy. 

    Christmas Eve used to consist of the candlelight service and a breakfast dinner with my mom's side of the family. We always ended the night with the kids opening one gift, and listening to my aunt and uncle's recording of the True Meaning of Christmas story. Once my mom's house would consume 30-40 people on Christmas night of old friends and family. This year, that was no longer the case. Torn between two sides, my mother and I had decided to try to bridge the gap between our family: Christmas Eve lunch. As we sat there, waiting for lunch to be ready (because my mother can never have a meal prepared on time, bless her cotton little socks), my cousin turned me and said, "This is just weird." And it was. It was very weird. It felt off. I could tell by her face and others in the room that this was not a new tradition that we wanted to start. Trying to make the best of the situation, my brother and I tried to keep the conversation lighthearted, and he succeeded by picking on me and my feet. As Newbie and I left for the candlelight service, my heart hurt for my family. During the candlelight service, our pastor talked about how sometimes we think we have it hard. But our hard times are nothing compared to what others are suffering through during the Christmas season. What was once filled with happiness and love, a heart has an emptiness and longing for something or someone to fill the void. As we prayed, I felt tears stream down my face. What has happened to our family and our traditions that we once looked forward to each year? The very ones I love the deepest are hurting the most and I cannot do anything to help or make it better. I want to bring joy back into my family--a family that is hurting by an unwanted change.

   So, the last few days I started thinking about how do you find joy? How do you adjust to the change? I thought of the quote that I put on a canvas that is above my bed: "Today I will choose joy." It's a choice you have to make. It's something that only God can truly fulfill. When you choose God, you choose joy. And instead of focusing the perils of the unknown, we should grab hold of the joy that is in our present moment. It may not seem like much in the moment, but it's there. Psalm 16:11 says, "In Your presence is fullness of joy." When we come to Him completely broken, hurt and even angry at our current circumstances, we have to realize that our joy and hope has to remain in Him. We can choose to wallow in our circumstances that we hate and that we can refuse to accept. But in the end, we don't have a choice. If we don't accept our current situation, then in essence we are rejecting God's will for our life. Rejecting God's will for your life will cause just much more pain and confusion. Our family may not understand the reason for our current situation. I have not always understood why God caused certain things to happen in my personal life. But, I can say that as I continued to rely on Him and trust Him fully--His promises were so much greater than what I thought I wanted in life at that moment. Choosing joy, trying to find that positive light in any current situation has helped me see that I can and will move forward. I especially hope this for my family: that we can remember hope is the anchor for our soul. A hope that an indescribable joy is ahead for our family.

   What joy did I find in this unwanted tradition change? I saw that my family still very much loves one another.We are just still trying to figure out how to move ahead. As I looked across at my brother Christmas afternoon, laughing as we opened gifts, I realized that this was the first Christmas in years that we have opened gifts together. Sober now for almost a year, my brother and I spent Christmas eve and day together for the first time in over 10 years, easily. The joy that filled my soul at that moment--I will never forget it. Was that the only joy I found this Christmas? No, not necessarily. But that was enough joy for me. That in itself was a blessing from God. When we find joy in pain, we are finding just how good God truly can be. I do believe God has removed people from our life for a specific reason. However, God has placed back in my life a healthy relationship with my brother and given me a new hope and joy for the future. A hope that better Christmas traditions are ahead. A hope that God is in complete control of every situation. A hope that relationships will be restored and a family will be brought back together under a true, holy unity. A joy that God has given me just at the right moment when He knew I would need it the most. A joy that I would not take for granted. A joy that has filled my soul that I will continue to choose, even in those unwanted changes and altered traditions. Because you know what? Those unwanted changes often become blessings in disguises and I know that God is about to show and teach me something that I do not want to miss. After all, I sit in the front row of my life. 

"Talking about our problems is our addiction. 

Break the habit. Talk about your joys."

The Dating World: Single Moms vs. Single Nothing

    I've always thought dating as a late twenty-something-year-old is hard, or rather challenging. Meeting someone who you can connect and be yourself with and have the same drive or goals can be as difficult as me running three miles straight.

   But as a single mother...  that's a whole other level of difficulty.

   I'm not pregnant, by the way.

   However, I was thinking about two good friends of mine who are single mothers actively in the dating world. And I use the term "actively" carefully...and with caution.

   Candice has been a single mother since 1998. Beth has been a single mother of two since 2010.  Since then, they have for sure had their shares of ups and downs dating. The last 7 years, we have shared our stories of dating and while they are completely different, they are so similar, too.

   Candice prefers a man with no kids. Beth prefers a man with kids. I prefer a man with no kids and no crazy ex-wife/girlfriend (too late for the later).

   Candice is a cougar at heart. Beth is a sugar baby. I just want someone on my level-get on it!

   First thoughts on meeting a single man:

• Candice: "Does he want my pants? Is he all about the booty?"
• Beth: "Is he a good role model?"
• Me: "Is there a ring? Does he have pretty eyes? If so, I'll have his baby."

   On accepting a first date:

• Candice: "Is he going to try to get in my pants?"
• Beth: "Can I have a conversation with this man?"
• Me: "Is he a player?"

   Go to outfit on a first date:

• Candice: "Jeans and black shirt because Castro told me that's the standard best! With boots."
• Beth: "Jeans and a nice shirt."
• Me: "No underwear." (Kidding, Mom)

   Best time to date:

• Candice: "Spring. That's when all the juices flow. Spring fever!"
• Beth: "Summer."
• Me: "Cinco de Mayo!"

   Go to date:

• Candice: "I don't prefer lunch. The last one lunch date I had, the guy had a black tooth."
• Beth: "Lunch."
• Me: "One drink. Then take me home. To my house that is, and you leave."

   When do you say the L word?

• Candice: "Depends on who it is. Maybe 6 months?"
• Beth: "I DON'T BELIEVE IN LOVE."
• Me: "Just let me be lonely tonight."

   When to meet your friends:

• Candice: "On the first date! If you don't like them, you got to go!!" 
• Beth: "I don't know. I haven't been in a serious relationship in a long time because I don't like or trust people."
• Me: "After the 20th date."

   When to meet your child(ren):

• Candice: "Typically-three months at least."
• Beth: "4-6 months to hang out and spend time."
• Me: "In the delivery room. Hopefully."

    Biggest turn on:

• Candice: "Job. Support yourself."
• Beth: "Job. Have your crap together."
• Me: "Laughter and being a best friend."

   Biggest turn off:

• Candice: "How they respond to me. No super country. Convo has got to flow."
• Beth: "Nasty teeth!"
• Me: "Liars! You sit on a throne of lies!"

   Biggest challenge in the dating world as single mom:

• Candice: "Meeting someone decent."
• Beth: "I'm too picky. I don't have feelings." (True. She's like a man.)

The biggest challenge that seems to be between these single moms versus the single nothing is time. The spontaneity of going out at the last minute is not as available to them like it can be for me. But, that goes for every mother I know. The spontaneity is gone! (P.S. Did you know that word has the "u" sound in it when you pronounce it?) Single mothers are no longer able to put them self first but their children come first, or at least with these women. Their dating life and their personal world comes second. As for me, if I don't put myself first I get ridiculed and lectured from Candice and Beth. But one thing that I know that has come from these women is the fact that they are indeed strong and independent. They know for sure what they want and don't want or need. As for me, I am still figuring that part out--because I can. They have been through experiences, pain, and personal growth that I may never understand or comprehend in my lifetime, and they hope I never do. Our dating world circumstances can be completely different, but the end goal is to find someone that can accept our personal best and most importantly our personal worst. Kids or no kids. In the end, we are just three women trying to survive. Same goal with slightly different priorities and routes to find our happy ending. It may include a man with four kids or may include me just being...me. Besides, I think we add a little bit of flavor to the world around us.

"You will all find love eventually."
"No I won't. I will cut his throat."

My Buddy and Me

   Can I just say that I am so thankful to have a married best friend? Well, all my best friends are married. But tonight, more specifically I am thankful for Meredith. It's nice to have that friend that you can just confess and indulge secrets with and she will always understand where you are coming from with each situation. Meredith may not always agree and plays a heck of a devil's advocate, but she helps me see each situation and person for what it truly is or can be.

   Tonight, like often, we were comparing relationships of being married to my dating life. We bounce frustrations, laughs, and ideas off one another. The last week or so I have been confused of finding my balance between of being the friend to Newbie to being the girl he is dating. Mine and Newbie's relationship started off as friends, getting to know one another. It started off with me not sure where I stood with him and figuring out what I wanted. With a strong connection, he was (and still can) read me better than most people can. Guarded and after some highs and lows over the summer, I began to push away him but keep a safe distance. Meredith came to me concerned that I was settling and reminded me to stay on guard at all times. Around August I guess it was when Newbie and I began to spend more time together. Small dinners here and there, movie nights with the DVR and a few talks later, things began to shift. I became more comfortable with Newbie and began to accept that we were more than "just friends." We were becoming those friends that our relationship started to turn into more. Not that things were intimate or all romance all the time. It was opposite of that. I almost felt like we bypassed the "romance" part and it all comfort and "relaxation" (I use that term loosely). Not quite a friend but am I "the girlfriend?" I expressed this to Newbie one night and he agreed--sometimes I am treated more like a buddy than a girl he is dating. Also, I can be closed off and shut down when I am feeling inferior to a situation. We talked about how we both wanted to have a foundation of friendship between one another before anything serious, but as I girl I wanted Newbie to express that he is genuinely interested in me more than just a friend.

    Ironically, the next day at church our pastor made a comment about relationships. He said that when it comes to relationships, people focus too much on the romance and not on building the relationship and friendship--the foundation that can make it or break it between two people. Did our pastor have the apartment bugged the night before? I could feel Newbie glaring at me and so badly wanting to say, "I told you." I just didn't even look at him. I took this as God saying, "Enjoy this time. Focus on me and I'll be the glue that can hold the relationship together."

    Fast forward to tonight. I was explaining to Meredith about my concerns (still) about finding the balance between friends and more than friends and where I stand in some aspects. It's not that I don't wonder if Newbie has feelings for me because I know he does.To a guy, he would be saying, "Um, isn't this enough? What else do you need from me?"  But what are the boundaries? It's been that moment of we are more than friends but not crazy exclusive.  Meredith made a comment tonight that made sense. Well, first she asked if I was PMSing (yes--obviously--you probably already thought that in your head). Then she said, "It's good to have a fun loving friendship like buddies. But there has to be a romantic relationship side of it too...otherwise, aren't you just friends?"

    My first thought was, "Yes! She gets it! I'm not crazy!"
    Then of course she hits me with, "But the fun part is really important so don't be upset about it."

   Dang it. She's right. What is so wrong with being with someone that you have fun with? Aren't the happiest couples the ones who can create fun out of nothing and find joy in just being together? Romance is nice-- a special date planned or little surprise but that's not everything. Yes, they are important but eventually it comes down to just being with someone that you want to spend time with. If it's over done then won't those little surprises not be so special anymore? Newbie is going to say I am over analyzing this (I'll be waiting for the text message tonight or tomorrow). But, I cannot be the only one that has felt like this. Growing as a couple, whether it is two friends or a loving relationship it takes work. It takes balance. It takes communication. Newbie says the best relationships shouldn't require a whole lot of work--it should come easily. I agree partly with this. It should be natural, but you should never quit or become lazy. You are praying and hoping that you are doing the right thing--trusting that is supposed to be, will be. Do I get frustrated when laying on the floor I am expecting a back rub but get a wet willy in my ear, or when I am tripped up coming out of a store because he loves the irritated look on my face? Often times, yes. But those moments of a quick peck on the head, a look he gives that can speak a thousand words and the laughter that comes from him because of my quips and dry humor speak more than anything. Tonight I have had to remind myself to enjoy these moments. I would rather have a friend that can make me laugh and bring tears to my eyes because he knows the intimacy of my heart than a relationship that is built on the fluff of how the world says we should date. So, I will take the nights of pizza on the floor, HORSE on Sunday afternoons, and the 3 AM talks of the dreams of our future (water rescue swimmer? artist?) because from this I have gained a special friend that has taught me to take life as it comes and live it to it's fullest.

    As for Meredith, I am glad that she can remind me that while I sound logical in my head, PMS does insane things to a girl's mind. Where's the wine and chocolate?

When God Blesses You with Pregnant Friends

   Who doesn't love a pregnant belly? Well. Let me take that back. I saw some unattractive pregnant bellies today at the Southern Christmas Show. However, my friends have all been some of the most beautiful pregnant ladies I have ever seen. I'm not saying that because they are my friends but they all have truly carried their pregnancies effortlessly.

   Having pregnant friends hasn't been the easiest transition for me. I always had this picture that my friends and I would be pregnant together. But, when they all got married before me I kind of kissed that idea goodbye. So, I embraced each wedding shower and wedding event with love, excitement, and happiness for my friends. I have had to learn how to do this with baby showers, now. When Meredith first found out she was pregnant with Ben, I was so excited because I knew that this was something that she and Bryan had been praying for to happen in their life. I loved watching Mer's belly grow each month, see and feel Ben move, and loved accompanying Mer to dinners at Wade's at least once a week. When Benny Boo came into our world, mine and Mer's relationship changed. It took extra work, extra planning, and a whole lot more communication between me and her so our friendship wouldn't take a hit. I had to learn to be more understanding that Mer's priorities had changed, her schedule was no longer like mine and she was now a mother.

    Having one friend with a child--I was ok. I still had my other friends that were married but without kids. I was (and still find myself behaving this way) selfish in wanting my friends to myself. Then, Lindsey found out she was pregnant with sweet Ellie. When Lindsey blurted out to me one day at school that she was pregnant, I didn't believe her. It took her 15 minutes to convince me. Lindsey and I would dream about what little Ellie would look like, what her personality would become and how I could not wait to buy her sweet outfits. I was dreading Lindsey going out on maternity leave because she was going to be gone from January until Spring Break that year. When Lindsey had sweet Ellie and I was self declared as the "single hot aunt," I knew our friendship would be different but also sweeter. I saw Lindsey struggle with coming back to work and therefore, stocked her desk drawer full of M&Ms that we demolished in less than two weeks of her being back. What can I say, I am sympathy eater.

   Within two weeks, Camille and Lauren told me they were both pregnant. Camille became one of my closest friends in NC. When my time ended in NC, Camille was the only friend that continued to make an honest, true effort in staying in touch with me. Camille and I used to joke about us becoming mothers and how we would have to support one another together because it was going to be the only way we would get through the pregnancy and parenthood. When Camille called me with the news of her pregnancy, I cried tears of sweet joy. Camille decided to be the brave one and have a child before me. I was so happy! Then came Lauren. Lauren was always my fun friend. The one that I found myself getting into trouble with, or really we just dodged trouble. We never got caught. She was my rendezvous friend. Random dinners, coffee dates, and waxes was our go to. When Lo told me she was pregnant, it hit me so much harder than my other friends' pregnancies. With her, it became reality that my friends are growing up, and I am still a sitting duck. Also, Lo having a kid is silly to me because she is such the child at heart. But I know that she will be one of the most loving, compassionate mothers I will ever know. Plus, seeing her little "kickball belly" grow has been amazing. You can't even tell she pregnant from behind--it's insane.

 

   Finally, Valen told me one night out that she is planning on trying to have a baby in the next year. I was floored, and I am ashamed to say that it wasn't a pleasant floored. I was crushed. My final baby-less friend is wanting to have a baby. I will be surrounded by babies. What in the heck am I going to do with my life? I need to move and make new friends. I told Valen that when it's my time to finally have my long awaited bachelorette weekend, all my friends will be pumping-and-dumping while I just enjoy my bottle of pink Champagne..alone.

   It didn't take me long to feel convicted of my attitude towards my friends. While the transition has been hard, I realized I need to be happy and enjoy the blessing of having pregnant friends. I started to ask myself how have I been blessed with being surrounded by pregnant women and young mothers? In the last year, I have learned so much about a pregnant body that I did not even know existed (this leading me to my current fear of going through labor). They will be able to offer me so much advice and wisdom when it is my turn (because despite what Newbie says, I do want children...one day). I should be so lucky to be surrounded by best friends that have experience as being excellent mothers. I have watched my friends who have been wonderful friends become wonderful mothers. I have gained so much more respect for these women. They juggle being a mother, a wife, and full time job but they always have time for me and my crazy antics. They listen, they encourage, and they sometimes even indulge in my fantasies. I find myself being envious of my friends and their life--coming home to a husband and a child that they love unconditionally. I envy the chaos and the beautiful mess of their life. On the contrast, my friends have been quick to remind me to enjoy my time not being tied down. They live through my dating life, my random adventures, and freely offer advice on helping me calculate my next move. They are still my cheerleaders, as I am also theirs. So, in the next year, right before I turn thirty, I will savor the moments of sweet baby smells, little laughs, the first birthdays, the inquisitive questions from Ben and enjoy being the hot single aunt. It won't last forever.

  

  

Compliment War

   Have you ever thought why women have such a hard time taking a compliment? My friend AG texted me this tonight (we often share "I wonder..." thoughts). She complimented someone tonight on her shoes, and the girl replied, "Oh, they're so dirty." Why couldn't the girl take the compliment? And, I have always wondered that same thing about women in general. When someone compliments us on our hair, an outfit, or even how we handled a situation, we often immediately reject this compliment and try to come up with a reason why it is flawed or actually not good enough.

   One time I complimented a really good friend on how good she looked (she had been working out). She instantly found a way to reject my comment and turn it into something negative about herself ("I'm still not at my goal weight"). I gave the same compliment again. She responded with a similar comment from before. I finally said, "Taking the flippin compliment! You are making me so mad!"

   I think it's hard for women to take a compliment because we have always been taught to be humble. Don't be a prideful, high class attitude woman. But you should have confidence--but not too much, or you will become intimidating and cocky. Plus, we are always comparing ourselves to someone else--thinking they are better than us and we have to reach that status. For example, I am and still obsessed with the Kardashian butt. I know I have a large butt; however I want "that Kardashian butt." So instead of focusing on what I have and working with it, I look at what I think it should look like.

  We also have that "bully" inside of us. I'm not talking about the you had a mother or father who always put you down and told you that you were ugly and not worth the time. I'm talking about the little voice inside of us that says, "Nah. She's just saying that. She doesn't mean it. You don't look that good." But you do! You most certainly do!

   So, ladies, what can you do to change this attitude? Accept the compliment. Take it. I know it is hard, but I promise, no one is going to think any less of you for saying, "Thank you!" If you reject it, you will come across as rude. If someone didn't think it was worth the compliment, then they wouldn't have wasted their breath.

   My mother has gone through a huge body transformation in the last two years. She had lap band surgery and had a total body lift. During the total body lift surgery, the doctor removed 11 pounds of skin. 11 POUNDS OF SKIN. How crazy is that? She went from weighing over 200 pounds to getting down below 170. She looks amazing! But, when she started having to dress her new body the image of herself was distorted. So many people complimented her on her new body,  how good she looked, and how happy they were for her. My mother always responded with, "I still have a long ways to go. I want to do my arms next. Or I want to get some work done on my face." One day I asked her why couldn't she just take a compliment? Just accept it. And she told me, "Jessica, when I look in the mirror, I still see the old overweight Becky. I just can't accept that what I see now is really me." I took her into my closet and gave her a cardigan wrap (that is clingy) to wear to a funeral that day. She told me, "This isn't going to fit. It's not going to work. I'm too big." I practically had to wrestle her into the wrap. And would you know, she looked stunning. I told her, "Show off your new body. And when someone compliments you today, you take it and smile. You will feel so much better about yourself." A few hours later she returned home and said I was right (duh!). She had so many people compliment her on her "new body" and how much they loved the cardigan (score!). I told her she needs to start dressing for her new body image and take the compliments that come her way from here on out.

   When we take a compliment, it fills our bucket. We feel good about ourselves. When someone compliments me, I try to return the compliment to either them or someone else that day. One day at school I wore a light blue wrap shirt. One student told me, "Ms. Castro! You look good in blue!" I smiled and said thanks. Later on that day, I had  teacher approach me and say, "That color looks so good on you. You should wear it more often." I instantly responded with, "I know! Thanks!" The teacher started laughing and said that I was confident in thinking that. I then had to explain that it wasn't that I was thinking high of myself but that someone else had already complimented me that day on my shirt so I needed to take a hint to wear that color more often. It wasn't that I was trying to put myself on a pedestal, but rather I was taking a comment to heart.

So ladies, when someone tells you that your makeup looks good that day, or they loved how you styled your hair-say thank you. It's the polite thing to do. Let's teach our daughters to accept compliments and learn to give them in return. Live a life of love

 

*Side note: If you Pinterest "Daily Odd Compliment" you will laugh and find that so many of those can apply to so many of your friends. I've already sent out four tonight.

This may be the time, but it certainly isn't the place.

Two words: Social Media.

I mean, honestly, life was so much more simpler and less confusing before Facebook. I remember when FB first came about and you could only be friends with people from your college. Then, you could be friends with people from other colleges--but you must have a college email account. Then the big WHAM happened...

It became open to anyone outside of college. Soon my friend list grew from a few hundred to over a 1,000. My pictures became very public and I had to soon lock down my profile. People became nosy. People became stalkers. What was once a fun way to connect with people has soon spiraled to addiction, dishonesty, and causing way more drama than Mark Zuckerberg ever imagined happening, I am sure.

Facebook can become very addicting--to find yourself scrolling through your newsfeed out of boredom or to see what mood someone is in--high on life one day, hating life the next. And heaven forbid the server is down or it's slow. I found myself haphazardly stalking people, without even really realizing it. I was spending more time on there, "connecting" with people, posting statuses constantly, and tagging and commenting on statuses...all...day...long. My conversations began to center around "Did you see her status?... How are they friends? Who is this girl in the picture with him?" I was driving myself crazy. As I started limiting my time on there, I noticed how so many people share such personal information on FB, especially my, achem, family (I'm sure I will get backlash from this or a nice little FB inbox message in the next day or so). When a website turned from something that was fun to connect and share pictures with others quickly became a public display of too much information and drama that should be kept behind closed doors. So, for a month or so over the summer I took a break from FB. I had to get out of the world that was sucking me in and dragging me down. And oh my word. It was so refreshing. I found my attitude had changed. I wasn't consumed with what someone's status meant. I liked that people didn't know where I went or what I was doing. Life became simple and quiet. I didn't like how public my life became through social media. And it wasn't just me that was posting stuff--I was getting caught up in family affairs. Others were asking me what in the heck was going on with my family and FB and I loved saying, "I have no clue. I haven't been on in a while." Smile, then walk away.

In August I reactivated my account so that I could keep up with new friends from Alabama. Even then, I really and still don't post a whole lot on FB. My family does enough of that for me. If I do post, I try to make it light hearted or encouraging. But, the last couple weeks I have become completely disturbed, appalled, and disgraced at what has unfolded in front of me and the rest of the FB world. So let's be honest here, shall we?

FB is the not the place to air your (or our) dirty laundry. Calling someone out in a vague status is being a coward. It shows you have no respect for that person or for yourself. Painting an image of someone you truly are not through pictures, statuses, and snippy comments makes you look trashy and pitiful. Once upon a time, when you had a problem with someone, you contacted that person through telephone or went to see them. However, today if you are upset with someone you call that person out in front of 800 viewers--more if you tag that person in the status. Doing this on FB is now the normal. And we wonder why our children are dramatic, critical, negative, and feel neglected? What example are we setting? I mean, it makes perfect sense. Why should our children learn to work out problems or situations through spoken words face to face when they see their parents and other adults throw up a status about the latest drama we have found ourselves centered in. When one does this, you are only drawing attention to yourself and the negativity of your attitude. If you want the spotlight, find it somewhere else off line.

I completely understand that FB is a free access, voice what you feel, and you may even tell me to go else where after reading this. But let's be honest, would you want someone coming into your house, rummaging through your laundry and wastebasket? It's the same concept. There's a reason the trash people come once a week to haul away the garbage--it begins to stink and the stench can soak into your sofa and become your aura that no one wants to smell. Writing a paragraph of how you're holding your head high, taking the high road, and going to let others kiss your arse as you walk away--no one is following you. And the ones following you have their noses so far up your rear end they don't know where their own starts or ends. They feel like they have a voice in the current situation, but they don't. I barely even have a voice. But, let's just remember this: when we display such public statuses, comments, drama--you will be judged. People will talk. People will wonder. People will lose respect for you. Your character becomes tarnished. Your reputation will always arrive before you do. You say you live an open book life. Really? Hmm. Because I don't recall receiving the phone call or the message--but instead, find out on FB. Thanks for being honest with FB before notifying me of this new found life of living. And let's just go ahead and say (because God knows I have lost count how many times I have seen this quote posted on FB), "Only God will judge me." You're right. He will, and He is right now. May He have mercy on your soul because let's not also forget that the Bible does call us to walk and live a life of love, be humble, and speak kindness. Where is this at? Apparently not in my newsfeed lately.

I'm not perfect. God knows I have my imperfections and I struggle daily. I screw up each day. But, I have enough common sense to not make it a public notion. I am pretty much a tight lipped, no comment person. No one's family is perfect. My family has seen it's share and is currently in turmoil. It hurts to see the ones that I have loved for the last 28 years become divided and so hateful to one another. I have lost relationships with some of the most precious people in my life. Do I love them any less because of their actions? Absolutely not. Did I love my dad any less when he had an affair and was absent from my life for five years? Nope, not all. Did I love my brother any less when he went through his dark storm for years and years? No, my love only increased. Am I disappointed at how situations are being handled? Absolutely. Having it thrown out on FB for all the world to see the bickering is not fair. It's not fair to our family and it's not fair for others to see. I am sure we are a comedy act that at night, as you lay down with your wife or husband you say, "Good Lord. That family. Let's pray now for them." And yes, pray for us. Maybe even fast or two would help. If you had to block a couple of my family members from your timeline--that's ok because I have done the same.

Facebook. If it was removed from your life for a few days, how would your social life change? Are you living life so that you can post your next glorified status? Or, are you searching for ways to be encouraging and positive? I can promise you this--those people that rarely post a status, pictures, or comments have a life they are living outside of Facebook. That life is so much more rewarding, and exciting than the endless character number count in the status block.

So, let me just apologize for any unnecessary statuses or comments you have had to read or may read in the upcoming days.

Do you think Lifetime would be interested in creating a mini-series? I think we would have a winner.

*side note update* After having this post up for five minutes, I had a couple people ask me why don't I just call out the names of who I am talking about because am I not doing the same thing, writing a vague blog about those people? One: I have class so I am not going to stoop to that level. Two, those that read this know who they are. Three: slander. Four: this is a blog post, not a FB status. Blogs are meant to express thoughts and feelings; posts are MEANT to be short little quips.