Braving a Busted Blessing.

How many times a day do we sometimes look at our life or a situation and think, "Well, that didn't go as planned." Or sometimes, we may say our "give a darn" is busted. When that happens to me, I step back and try to figure out how I went from Point A to all the way to Point What the Heck. Sometimes I can pinpoint where I screwed up at; other times, I have no clue where it went wrong.


Until today. I realized I put myself in situations where my intention seems good at the time. I think I know what I'm doing, when reality, I have no clue what direction I am heading in. Then the situation that unfolds is greater than my intention. That's where my fault lies. I try to control or dominate the situation. We like to control where we go and what we do because then are no unexpected surprises or curveballs. If we were completely honest, how many times have we put ourselves in a path, whether it is with a job, a relationship, friendship or what not just for hopes that we are going to receive something great--a blessing. We strategically plan out the step by step (subconsciously) process thinking that if we do this, we will receive this great reward or blessing.


For example, if I plan two extra hours a day for my classroom instruction, then it is bound to be a great lesson and all my students are going to be extravagantly blessed by my hard work!  OR if I plant myself in this online dating world, then I am bound to meet the man that is going to just sweep me off my feet and make all my wishes and dreams come true because I created the perfect profile with the perfect picture! OR, it's ok if I hang out this one time with a friend. Nothing of harm can come from it. I am totally guarded. I'm just trying to be a blessing to that friend!


All that is great (intention) until...the lesson falls apart because time is against and you didn't realize that 24 kids would take all the energy out of you; you are blessed with the one-date curse and you go out on seven first dates and you start to think, "Ok. Maybe it is me."; or the trust of that friend is betrayed and your blessing becomes a burden of a friendship. Back to Point A, or whatever point you are coming from at the end of that moment.


The last week I have been thinking about where I have found myself lately. Working my butt off to make the best of a situation in my classroom. Supporting myself and making ends meet at the end of the month on a single teacher's salary. Balancing time between friends and trying to be the best friend that I can be to each person. And I thought to myself, where has this gotten me?  I used to have this guinea pig (one of my many class pets) and we would put in this rolling ball and let it roll around the classroom. Gwinnie would roll into the wall, then roll back and roll around for a little while and then run into a desk. She would do this for an hour-no true direction, just bumping and rolling around the classroom. And lately, I have felt like Gwinnie-- not sure I am making progress in any area of my life. Just rolling around. When I hit a wall, I back up and keep going until I hit another wall. Last Sunday, I had a breakdown at my mom's, saying that I pretty much couldn't do life anymore (we all have those moments, whether you like to admit it or not). What blessing have I been? What blessings have I received? If this is God's blessing for my life, then it is busted obviously. Is this what God really wants for me? Nearing thirty, all friends married with kids, a job that seems to be too much to handle at times, living in the ghetto with my older brother that leaves his dip cups around the house that Josie and Midge end up getting into (and I find myself asking is that poop or dip on the floor)? Am I putting myself in the right situations with great intentions or am I looking at my intentions more than what the situation can become? Am I not made for better than this? Do I not deserve better than this?


Then it occurred to me (and this isn't a first time I have thought this, just been a while) that God has protected me from situations when my intentions sucked so that I wouldn't miss out on other blessings. Other times, I have been on a crappy end of a situation so that I could see what better blessings lie ahead of me. My favorite saying? It can only get better from here. Am I going to continue to make selfish choices and purposefully plant myself in a situation or place, thinking that I will receive something great? Or, am I going to brave this busted blessing life and continue to move onward? I'm going to go with the latter. No more purposefully seeking out blessings for selfish gain. But rather, living a life of love-on my own- and know that if I continue to do what God has called me to do--teach, encourage, laugh, be ready to go, and love deeply and hard--then my busted blessings will turn into bountiful blessings.

I know I am blessed. Blessed beyond measure. Sometimes, though, our busted blessings bring brokenness that brings us back to where we belong. Back to finding my true self-worth in something greater that cannot be gained or found in this world. Unless it's a pumpkin spice latte-- those always bless my soul.

...for you I pray.

   You know, praying for my future husband is probably one area that I am constantly in prayer over. I have been battling lately if that is a bad thing. But, I have come to realize that it isn't necessarily wrong to pray for my future husband-- if it is God's will for me to get married. And that--that is a whole other prayer time in itself. However, if it is God's will for me to get married (and I know my mother is on her knees each night praying the same thing, along asking for a grandchild or two) then I know I should be praying for him and for our future.You also have that image of what you look for in a husband. Mine isn't necessarily physical, but more of an emotional and personality traits that I am looking for. I don't like sharing my "traits" a whole lot because these are close to my heart. I like to see if each guy I date steps up and has such traits. I don't want to tell him what I look for specifically because I don't want him to change his true character just to match my standards. I believe that if I am meant to be with this one person, it will be revealed and brought to light over time. I guess that's what keeps me a mystery, and a part of my personality that can drive "The Newbie" crazy.

   I started researching what are some things a single girl should be praying about for her future husband, or even her current love interest. The list became quite expansive, intense, and convicting. Convicting that maybe my heart hasn't always been in the best spot as I have prayed in the past. Intense as these prayers shouldn't be taken lightly and I should be ready for God to move in my heart and his heart for these things to come to light. Expansive because there are a multitude of things that one can pray for husband/boyfriend. When these prayers are lifted up in true love and hope for a future, then I know God isn't going to disappoint.

1. His relationship with Christ. Christ should be and always remain the cornerstone in his life and in our relationship. (Isa 28:16) My hope is built on nothing less, than Jesus' blood and righteousness...Christ alone, cornerstone.
2. From what comes from his mouth is an overflow of his heart. Encouraging, a witness, and testimony to God's grace and faithfulness. (Matt 12:34)
3. A man of prayer. He would seek God in prayer constantly and then talk second about it. He would lift me and others up in prayer daily. (James 5:16)
4. A humbled man. A man who knows that in order to have a successful heart, that God must be greater in all areas of his life. (John 3:30)
5. He would build friendships and surround himself with positive men in his life. (Provs 27:6)
6. Endurance and passion. To run with endurance, the race that is set before him, and to focus on pleasing you. (Heb  12: 1-2)
7. Encourager to me and others. (1 Thess 5:11)
8. Continue to develop as a leader for our relationship. (Eph 5:21-31)

These verse are just the beginning for something that could become amazingly crazy. I have prayed these in mine and Newbie's relationship, and it is apparent that God is working. When I have prayed for endurance, Newbie is right there in my face pushing me to the next level, that often comes in the form of a 5:30 AM phone call to get to the gym in the morning, or telling me that I can't do something {because that is my inner switch that makes me prove others wrong}. Or when I see God show how real He can be in one's life and change a man's heart. I think these prayers can be modified as life goes on and as each relationship develops. But for right now, for you I pray.

She brings good, not harm all the days of her life. {Provs 31:12}

The week the Colombiana became a Nicaraguan

The last week of July I had an opportunity to travel to Nicaragua with my aunt and uncle. They take this trip twice a year- one in the winter, and one in the summer. With this being their 24th trip, I would say they are old pros. I have been wanting to go the last few summers but with my school schedule it has never really worked out. But this summer, it worked out perfectly. Loading up with my aunt and uncle and about 20 others from across the southeast, we headed out to Nicaragua to work with Chosen Children Ministries. I wasn't sure what to expect. This wasn't my first trip overseas or doing mission work in another country, so I thought I was prepared. However, God totally rocked my world as soon as we got there.

We spent our days ministering to people out in the barrios. A barrio is an area where groups of people live. Some are better than others--and I use the term "better" loosely. We would lead church services, hand out food and other supplies, and just simply love on the people there. They are so hungry for hope. So, a lot of our time is spent building relationships and sharing the love of Christ. The people are hard workers--men go to work, while the women stay at home to take care of the house and care for the kids. They work to provide for their family daily. Children run amuck around the barrios. I thought about how we constantly have to watch our children here running around the neighborhood. Here, children could be blocks away from their mother and it's ok. A lot of the times when I would ask the children where their parents were, they would either say their mother was at home or the parents were at work. The older siblings are left to care for the younger ones. The children are just absolutely precious. The love in their eyes is indescribable.

I am still processing the week. Hopefully, the pictures below will help me put my thoughts into words.

Our transportation for the week. Hello yellow bus!

Our Sunday Service at church

Bless this man. He did not have much. But I do know this-- his Bible was tattered and worn and he was just a praising and singing as loud as he could. Sweet soul.



 I want this baby. Period. Totally could have fit in my backpack.

Aunt Diane giving her testimony.

 I look down, and the man has brought his dog to church. I guess they need Jesus too.

Our feeding center at one of the churches. And no, that's not a Nicaraguan. That's a big Mexican named Edgar.

The line wrapped around the church.

Biggest pot of beans I have ever seen.

Rice, rice, and more rice.

Amanda scooping juice--making it last. Kind of like Jesus feeding the 5,000.

A flooded barrio.

 Being on a school bus when the roads have flooded is not the best feeling in the world.

Sadly, we were not able to make it back out to the barrio due to the downpour and flooded roads.



 

Mine and Amanda's first day of ministry out in the barrios. Let's do this!

Suited and geared up. Making a fashion statement one pair of rainboots at a time.

 

 

 

Nicaraguans love stickers. We usually had to show them how to peel them off and put on their clothes. This man wanted it on his head.

 

A "nice" barrio.

When you can't speak Spanish, break out the nail polish.

Next stop.

Who doesn't have a pig grazing in their backyard?

Michael with an excited little boy with a new paper airplane.

A feeding of picos and juice. I was mistaken for a Nicaraguan.

This kid cracked me up. Right before I could snap the picture, he had his shirt over his head with his gut hanging out.

 

Day 2 of ministry in another barrio. This is under their "church."

Ducks. But no water around...

These two little girls just made me and Amanda smile so much. Shirtless with bandanas and pink shorts.

Meet Roger. He left his job as a computer engineer making big money to work for Chosen Children. He works for Chosen Children as a guide and a translator. He called me "Mi Amor" all week. Roger swears he's going to be my husband one day. 

Joseph stretching out his back. Bless.

Another barrio and church.



This little one-- Amanda and I just had to pass her around.

This man right here- love him to Reese Pieces. So blessed to call him family.

I'm going to pause here for the night. My computer is having overload issues right now. So hopefully tomorrow I will be able to finish uploading the final pictures. And I hope that this gives you just a glimpse, an idea, a wonder into just a little bit of the Nicaraguan life.