She believed she could. So she did.

    I am a woman of determination. Like my mother has said, "You have become a woman that when someone tells you that you can't do something or you get tired of waiting--you will do whatever it takes to get it done." And that was my attitude for this past year.

    2013 was a huge turning point for me. 2012 was not my year. It was a year of lows, personally. So, I was determined to make 2013 my year. With my friends and family rallying behind me, picking up pieces of the chaotic hot mess that I was--I knew  I needed to set goals. Every time there is a special occasion, my friends and I have a special moment of "cheers and toasting!" On my birthday, with three of my best friends by my side and their husbands, we celebrated the night with wine and a ridiculous game of Partini (if you've never heard of it- it's a stupid game that we somehow turned it into 3 hours of entertainment). We toasted to 2013 being my year.  The few days afterwards, I was browsing Pinterest and found this quote/verse.

 

   It's amazing how God can use Pinterest to speak to you! Has anyone else ever had that happened to them? Anyways, I kept rereading this scripture over and over. As I prayed in my quiet time that day, I had a peace that came over me. A peace that whispered in my ear, "Wait. God has great promises for you this year." So, that's exactly what I did. Philippians 3:13: I am not all I should be, but I am focusing all my energies on this one thing: forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead. And that's exactly what I did. I looked ahead to 2013 and fully embraced what God had promised to me for this year. I have to say, I am sad to see 2013 come to an end. It was a year of new beginnings, new adventures, and a new attitude. So what happened over the past year? Well, let's just take a trip down memory lane and see what exactly I learned from this year.

 

1. Sometimes you have to just let people leave your life. If they walk out on you, then your destiny is not tied to them. It's hard to see someone you love choose a lifestyle that you will never understand. But, you have just have to trust and let go.
2. My brother is more entertaining sober. I have laughed more in the past year with him than I have in years. What was once a broken relationship, God has restored. But let's not dwell on the fact that I'm almost 30 and he's almost 40 and we're roommates.
3. Be bold and speak up. This has come more truer this past year than ever. I typically keep thoughts and feelings internalized. However, past situations and relationships has forced me to stand my ground and put myself first. If anything, sometimes I now need to be less vocal (filter!) and keep my mouth closed--especially at work.
4. I have come to love teaching--again. I lost my passion last school year, and I hated feeling that way. Bogged down by the political aspects of education and not being extremely happy in my work environment--I wanted a change. Thankfully, God blessed me with a great coworker across the hall, and a fabulous start to a new school year. I still have my moments, but it's nothing that a little Mexican can't fix and an afternoon in the Rocking Thinking Chair.
5. Bettering the butt! That has been my motto. When I was at my low at the end of 2012, my dear friend Robin forced me to start running to keep my mind moving and focus on the pain of the hills at Dorman. Then, came Barre class. Or as my brother calls it--getting up on the pole class. Robin started going to classes at Studio B and invited me to go. I was kind of skeptical. Then sweet Nancy bought my first month free. So, I had to go. After my first class, I was hooked. Studio B has become another place where I channel my stress and frustrations--all while bettering my butt! It has become a win-win situation. Thanks to Brooke for being the encourager; Allison for yelling at me to squat and squeeze another inch lower when she's secretly mad at herself for her "bad eating"; and to Sweet Mary for telling me that I deserve an hour to smile, work at my personal best all while learning some sweet tribal dance moves.
6. Always seize an opportunity to see old friends. I honestly have never realized how much I missed my old friends until I started making random trips across the state to see them. If anything, I need to see the more--they do my soul good. Plus, it's always a good excuse to get away from the madness every now and then.
7. Be you. When I started dating, I had this preconceived notion of a certain girl I should be. And honestly, I forgot who I was in the whole process. Each guy I dated, I tried to make myself be the girl that he would like. Epic failure. Wait for the person who you can be your complete self around. It is worth it.
8. God brings people into your life at the perfect moment. I guess it goes back to my verse: waiting patiently for God's promises.
9. When you pray for God to close a door or leave it open--don't be shocked when he actually slams it shut. But be on guard for what may come next. Be open to possibilities and give people a chance to prove you wrong.
10. Guard your heart. Be careful with who you share with and who you become "intimate" with on a daily basis. And I don't mean sexually. Your deepest thoughts and words when spoken to someone cannot be taken back.
11. When your friends offer advice, they are only looking out for your best interest. Be open to listen but in the end-- you decide what makes you happy.
12. Talk it out. Communicate. It hurts to know that a broken relationship could have been restored or saved if we did just a little bit more communicating and tried to understand one another. Sometimes it's a little too late but you never know what the future could bring.
13. Forgiveness. It can change your attitude and your lifestyle. What is so beautiful about forgiveness is that it happens when you least expect it. I had to forgive some pretty important people and move past some situations in my life this year. And it's incredible how God prepared my heart for these opportunities of forgiveness. If He hadn't prepared my heart, I would still be harboring bitterness, hate, and loneliness.
14. Laugh. God has put me in some pretty crazy situations that all you can do is laugh. I have learned to laugh at my self, my mistakes, and my triumphs.
15. Don't compare yourself to others. Focus on your positives and move from there. When you focus on your weakness, it can rob you of joy. Only focus on your weakness when you are determined to change that weakness for the best.
16.  Be ready for opportunities that come a-knocking! But also remember that every opportunity that is presented to you is not one that you should take. Pray for discernment. Ask for wisdom to be spoken to you. Then, be bold and act.
17. Fight for what you want.
18. While your friends are moving ahead in their own personal life, be happy for them. Know that while "nothing happening" everyday may seem to be your motto (cKb!) of life, your friends need you just as much as you need them. Be glad that they want to share their happiest moments with you.

    I tried to come up with two more to make it to twenty, and my mind is done for the night. It's a lot to reflect on the past year. But I think coming up with 18 lessons learned is pretty good. Even if you learned one lesson from 2013, that was worth the whole year. What's to come in 2014? New goals. New determination. New opportunities that I am super excited about.

 

   2013. I waited patiently. I endured trials. I endured promises. I can honestly say that I received God's promises this year. I just wonder, what are God's promises for next year? I can hardly wait. 

Hocus Pocus! Everybody Focus!

   Today...or rather this week...I felt like a hamster on a spinning wheel. I felt like I wasn't really getting anywhere in the classroom or at home. From the moment I would wake up in the morning until I went to bed, I was constantly moving. Being out last Friday put me off my schedule. So, most of Monday and Tuesday included me busting tail in the classroom with the kiddos so we would not stay behind come Tuesday when we get back from Labor Day break. And let me tell ya--we did it. We were at our wits ends by the end of the day today. However, my kids picked up their pace and kept up with me. I can breathe a little better come Tuesday.

    While I was constantly going, going, and going all week-- I missed a few workouts. Has that ever happened to you? And you can feel your body needing to release SOMETHING or you are just going to absolutely snap. I set my alarm this morning, hoping to hit the gym before school. But, when it went off at the cruel hour of 5 AM, my body would not move. I just couldn't do it. It was begging for that extra hour of sleep.

    So I caved. We slept in til 6 AM. Ha- what a joke.

    With that, I forced myself to leave school by 3:30 this afternoon. I knew if I didn't walk out the door, I would get sucked into the work that needed to be done and find myself there until 5:30. I was determined to get to the gym before my evening started. I walked through the gym doors by 4:15.

    As I got on the treadmill, I was looking forward to some alone time-- just me and LeCrae on the Pandora. I picked a treadmill with a TV, just hoping to zone out on a HGTV show for the next 45 minutes. And run...to run like my 21 students were behind me, chasing me, forcing me to eat pepperoni pizza and do the Sid Shuffle just one more time before the weekend started.

   I started running. I turned on the TV and it was kind of fuzzy. I thought to myself, "Well, what's up with this? This isn't cool." I tried to change the channel, and it just went blank. "Isn't this great?" I thought to myself. I can't switch treadmills now. I'm already running. If I switch, I look like that girl that is somewhat lazy and can't focus on doing just one thing--she just HAS to have that TV. So, I turned off the TV and just ran. I was forced to watch myself in the screen of the blank TV because it was blocking the window in front of me. I am an avid people watcher, but I was on the front row of treadmills. This left people behind me watching me and my big butt. So I knew I really needed to keep up the pace. As I ran, I found myself slowly increasing my speed and incline. The first mile was tough because I kept thinking, "I cannot believe I am going to be staring at myself for the next half hour." But, then I kind of got in a groove, and just zoned out to the music. Before I knew it, I hit my two mile stride. Say what?? My friends tell me I am dramatic runner-- I am always crying, moaning, or throwing a fit because I hate feeling my body being pushed to the next level. Being in a gym, I can't do that. Not everyone can see that insane side of myself personality. So, I had to contain it. At this point, I can feel the sweat forming a puddle on my lower back and in my sports bra.

    I told myself, "You can't stop. Focus. Move it. You have a line of full treadmills behind you, four of them with 60 year old men on there. You can't let them show you up!!" So I increased my speed a little bit more. And stared at myself for a little bit longer. (Which by the way, when you have to stare at yourself in a screen, you notice your how ugly your face looks while running. Grossie) As I hit the 2.5 mark, I wanted to stop. But I knew I would hate myself for stopping short of three miles. Now, for you avid runners, you're probably thinking, "Oh wow. Three miles. You're so advanced." Hey- we all gotta start somewhere. And believe me, this is huge for me-- I haven't done three miles in over a month or two. As I neared the three mile mark, I felt my side starting to cramp, my breathing was getting raspy, and my shirt was becoming very uncomfortable. When I hit my three mile mark, I immediately began my cool down--thankful to have the speed knocked down to a gentle jog then walking pace. I was so proud of myself. I could have easily gave up at the first mile mark and said, "Ok. Done. Going home to nap." But I was so out of it, just thinking and not really paying attention, I realized how much farther I had gone than normal.

    In the shower, as I was nursing my legs and shoulders, secretly dreading Pilates tomorrow morning, I started thinking about my workout. If the TV had been on, would I have gone as far as I did tonight? Or would I have gotten distracted, slowed down, and not pushed myself? I am going to go with the fact that I would have stopped way before the three mile mark. Something about staring at myself in the face. It forced me to move and keep going.

    How often do we get like this is our daily life? I know I get distracted easily. I try not to. But it's kind of hard when you have multiple friends that have undiagnosed ADHD. (Don't worry-- I have already diagnosed them and currently researching a medical drug that I could possibly find, create, or take so that I can keep up with them on a daily basis.) We all have goals--personally and professionally.  If not, you need to get you some. Goals are great thing to have--you see what you need to improve, reinvent, or push yourself to the next level. You may have a reward that you are looking towards in the end. I used to run with the image of "the boy" at the end of the finished line, holding my dream engagement ring. (I promise you-- I bet there are so many other girls that have had the same image. I was just brave enough to admit it.) But, then I realized, "Well, that's a stupid goal to run towards because I shouldn't have to chase after it." So, my image is now fitting into my favorite pair of J. Crew shorts--fitting into my favorite Charlotte Rousse worn jeans--toning my butt. Now, that is something I can run towards. But, my distractions? That extra glass of wine. The cheese and guacamole dip from Bronco's. That nap that my body is dying to have on a Wednesday afternoon at 4:30, knowing I should be doing something active. I truly believe you should treat yourself occasionally. If you deprive your body of those treats all the time, you are truly going to crash and burn when you have the first bite--you'll become a total glutton. And when that happens, you deal with it and move on because life doesn't stop to give you a tissue and pat your back. Instead it's going to trample on you and leave you in the dust.

    I recently read a quote by Rick Warren about distractions. He said, "We often confuse busyness with productivity and they aren't the same thing. If you keep going, going, going but you aren't spiritually growing, growing, growing. You are busy, not productive."

   Bam. Well said, Rick. Worries, money, and earthly pleasures distract us from God's greatness and His will for our life. This past Sunday, Pastor Mike preached on Jesus being the vine, and us being the branches--a story we have heard our whole life. Today, on my LeCrae Pandora station, one verse I heard was, "He's the vine. It may hurt at first when he cuts you back--but know it's going to be worth it in the end. Productive." Seeing the pattern?

    Our distractions become our weeds. I hate weeding my yard. I rather trim back all the bushes in my front and back yard than weed. But we have to do it. If I don't stay on top of it, then my flower bed has become a weed infestation. If we don't weed out our distractions or things that are hindering us from growing, we'll miss so stinkin' much. A busy mind can cause us to miss God's whisper. He doesn't have to come at you in some great, obvious way. I mean He can, but His whisper is a whole lot more enjoyable than Him slapping you back to reality.

   You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God,

you will receive what he has promised. {Hebrews 10:36}