Can I just say that I am so thankful to have a married best friend? Well, all my best friends are married. But tonight, more specifically I am thankful for Meredith. It's nice to have that friend that you can just confess and indulge secrets with and she will always understand where you are coming from with each situation. Meredith may not always agree and plays a heck of a devil's advocate, but she helps me see each situation and person for what it truly is or can be.
Tonight, like often, we were comparing relationships of being married to my dating life. We bounce frustrations, laughs, and ideas off one another. The last week or so I have been confused of finding my balance between of being the friend to Newbie to being the girl he is dating. Mine and Newbie's relationship started off as friends, getting to know one another. It started off with me not sure where I stood with him and figuring out what I wanted. With a strong connection, he was (and still can) read me better than most people can. Guarded and after some highs and lows over the summer, I began to push away him but keep a safe distance. Meredith came to me concerned that I was settling and reminded me to stay on guard at all times. Around August I guess it was when Newbie and I began to spend more time together. Small dinners here and there, movie nights with the DVR and a few talks later, things began to shift. I became more comfortable with Newbie and began to accept that we were more than "just friends." We were becoming those friends that our relationship started to turn into more. Not that things were intimate or all romance all the time. It was opposite of that. I almost felt like we bypassed the "romance" part and it all comfort and "relaxation" (I use that term loosely). Not quite a friend but am I "the girlfriend?" I expressed this to Newbie one night and he agreed--sometimes I am treated more like a buddy than a girl he is dating. Also, I can be closed off and shut down when I am feeling inferior to a situation. We talked about how we both wanted to have a foundation of friendship between one another before anything serious, but as I girl I wanted Newbie to express that he is genuinely interested in me more than just a friend.
Ironically, the next day at church our pastor made a comment about relationships. He said that when it comes to relationships, people focus too much on the romance and not on building the relationship and friendship--the foundation that can make it or break it between two people. Did our pastor have the apartment bugged the night before? I could feel Newbie glaring at me and so badly wanting to say, "I told you." I just didn't even look at him. I took this as God saying, "Enjoy this time. Focus on me and I'll be the glue that can hold the relationship together."
Fast forward to tonight. I was explaining to Meredith about my concerns (still) about finding the balance between friends and more than friends and where I stand in some aspects. It's not that I don't wonder if Newbie has feelings for me because I know he does.To a guy, he would be saying, "Um, isn't this enough? What else do you need from me?" But what are the boundaries? It's been that moment of we are more than friends but not crazy exclusive. Meredith made a comment tonight that made sense. Well, first she asked if I was PMSing (yes--obviously--you probably already thought that in your head). Then she said, "It's good to have a fun loving friendship like buddies. But there has to be a romantic relationship side of it too...otherwise, aren't you just friends?"
My first thought was, "Yes! She gets it! I'm not crazy!"
Then of course she hits me with, "But the fun part is really important so don't be upset about it."
Dang it. She's right. What is so wrong with being with someone that you have fun with? Aren't the happiest couples the ones who can create fun out of nothing and find joy in just being together? Romance is nice-- a special date planned or little surprise but that's not everything. Yes, they are important but eventually it comes down to just being with someone that you want to spend time with. If it's over done then won't those little surprises not be so special anymore? Newbie is going to say I am over analyzing this (I'll be waiting for the text message tonight or tomorrow). But, I cannot be the only one that has felt like this. Growing as a couple, whether it is two friends or a loving relationship it takes work. It takes balance. It takes communication. Newbie says the best relationships shouldn't require a whole lot of work--it should come easily. I agree partly with this. It should be natural, but you should never quit or become lazy. You are praying and hoping that you are doing the right thing--trusting that is supposed to be, will be. Do I get frustrated when laying on the floor I am expecting a back rub but get a wet willy in my ear, or when I am tripped up coming out of a store because he loves the irritated look on my face? Often times, yes. But those moments of a quick peck on the head, a look he gives that can speak a thousand words and the laughter that comes from him because of my quips and dry humor speak more than anything. Tonight I have had to remind myself to enjoy these moments. I would rather have a friend that can make me laugh and bring tears to my eyes because he knows the intimacy of my heart than a relationship that is built on the fluff of how the world says we should date. So, I will take the nights of pizza on the floor, HORSE on Sunday afternoons, and the 3 AM talks of the dreams of our future (water rescue swimmer? artist?) because from this I have gained a special friend that has taught me to take life as it comes and live it to it's fullest.
As for Meredith, I am glad that she can remind me that while I sound logical in my head, PMS does insane things to a girl's mind. Where's the wine and chocolate?
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