When God Blesses You with Pregnant Friends

   Who doesn't love a pregnant belly? Well. Let me take that back. I saw some unattractive pregnant bellies today at the Southern Christmas Show. However, my friends have all been some of the most beautiful pregnant ladies I have ever seen. I'm not saying that because they are my friends but they all have truly carried their pregnancies effortlessly.

   Having pregnant friends hasn't been the easiest transition for me. I always had this picture that my friends and I would be pregnant together. But, when they all got married before me I kind of kissed that idea goodbye. So, I embraced each wedding shower and wedding event with love, excitement, and happiness for my friends. I have had to learn how to do this with baby showers, now. When Meredith first found out she was pregnant with Ben, I was so excited because I knew that this was something that she and Bryan had been praying for to happen in their life. I loved watching Mer's belly grow each month, see and feel Ben move, and loved accompanying Mer to dinners at Wade's at least once a week. When Benny Boo came into our world, mine and Mer's relationship changed. It took extra work, extra planning, and a whole lot more communication between me and her so our friendship wouldn't take a hit. I had to learn to be more understanding that Mer's priorities had changed, her schedule was no longer like mine and she was now a mother.

    Having one friend with a child--I was ok. I still had my other friends that were married but without kids. I was (and still find myself behaving this way) selfish in wanting my friends to myself. Then, Lindsey found out she was pregnant with sweet Ellie. When Lindsey blurted out to me one day at school that she was pregnant, I didn't believe her. It took her 15 minutes to convince me. Lindsey and I would dream about what little Ellie would look like, what her personality would become and how I could not wait to buy her sweet outfits. I was dreading Lindsey going out on maternity leave because she was going to be gone from January until Spring Break that year. When Lindsey had sweet Ellie and I was self declared as the "single hot aunt," I knew our friendship would be different but also sweeter. I saw Lindsey struggle with coming back to work and therefore, stocked her desk drawer full of M&Ms that we demolished in less than two weeks of her being back. What can I say, I am sympathy eater.

   Within two weeks, Camille and Lauren told me they were both pregnant. Camille became one of my closest friends in NC. When my time ended in NC, Camille was the only friend that continued to make an honest, true effort in staying in touch with me. Camille and I used to joke about us becoming mothers and how we would have to support one another together because it was going to be the only way we would get through the pregnancy and parenthood. When Camille called me with the news of her pregnancy, I cried tears of sweet joy. Camille decided to be the brave one and have a child before me. I was so happy! Then came Lauren. Lauren was always my fun friend. The one that I found myself getting into trouble with, or really we just dodged trouble. We never got caught. She was my rendezvous friend. Random dinners, coffee dates, and waxes was our go to. When Lo told me she was pregnant, it hit me so much harder than my other friends' pregnancies. With her, it became reality that my friends are growing up, and I am still a sitting duck. Also, Lo having a kid is silly to me because she is such the child at heart. But I know that she will be one of the most loving, compassionate mothers I will ever know. Plus, seeing her little "kickball belly" grow has been amazing. You can't even tell she pregnant from behind--it's insane.

 

   Finally, Valen told me one night out that she is planning on trying to have a baby in the next year. I was floored, and I am ashamed to say that it wasn't a pleasant floored. I was crushed. My final baby-less friend is wanting to have a baby. I will be surrounded by babies. What in the heck am I going to do with my life? I need to move and make new friends. I told Valen that when it's my time to finally have my long awaited bachelorette weekend, all my friends will be pumping-and-dumping while I just enjoy my bottle of pink Champagne..alone.

   It didn't take me long to feel convicted of my attitude towards my friends. While the transition has been hard, I realized I need to be happy and enjoy the blessing of having pregnant friends. I started to ask myself how have I been blessed with being surrounded by pregnant women and young mothers? In the last year, I have learned so much about a pregnant body that I did not even know existed (this leading me to my current fear of going through labor). They will be able to offer me so much advice and wisdom when it is my turn (because despite what Newbie says, I do want children...one day). I should be so lucky to be surrounded by best friends that have experience as being excellent mothers. I have watched my friends who have been wonderful friends become wonderful mothers. I have gained so much more respect for these women. They juggle being a mother, a wife, and full time job but they always have time for me and my crazy antics. They listen, they encourage, and they sometimes even indulge in my fantasies. I find myself being envious of my friends and their life--coming home to a husband and a child that they love unconditionally. I envy the chaos and the beautiful mess of their life. On the contrast, my friends have been quick to remind me to enjoy my time not being tied down. They live through my dating life, my random adventures, and freely offer advice on helping me calculate my next move. They are still my cheerleaders, as I am also theirs. So, in the next year, right before I turn thirty, I will savor the moments of sweet baby smells, little laughs, the first birthdays, the inquisitive questions from Ben and enjoy being the hot single aunt. It won't last forever.

  

  

Compliment War

   Have you ever thought why women have such a hard time taking a compliment? My friend AG texted me this tonight (we often share "I wonder..." thoughts). She complimented someone tonight on her shoes, and the girl replied, "Oh, they're so dirty." Why couldn't the girl take the compliment? And, I have always wondered that same thing about women in general. When someone compliments us on our hair, an outfit, or even how we handled a situation, we often immediately reject this compliment and try to come up with a reason why it is flawed or actually not good enough.

   One time I complimented a really good friend on how good she looked (she had been working out). She instantly found a way to reject my comment and turn it into something negative about herself ("I'm still not at my goal weight"). I gave the same compliment again. She responded with a similar comment from before. I finally said, "Taking the flippin compliment! You are making me so mad!"

   I think it's hard for women to take a compliment because we have always been taught to be humble. Don't be a prideful, high class attitude woman. But you should have confidence--but not too much, or you will become intimidating and cocky. Plus, we are always comparing ourselves to someone else--thinking they are better than us and we have to reach that status. For example, I am and still obsessed with the Kardashian butt. I know I have a large butt; however I want "that Kardashian butt." So instead of focusing on what I have and working with it, I look at what I think it should look like.

  We also have that "bully" inside of us. I'm not talking about the you had a mother or father who always put you down and told you that you were ugly and not worth the time. I'm talking about the little voice inside of us that says, "Nah. She's just saying that. She doesn't mean it. You don't look that good." But you do! You most certainly do!

   So, ladies, what can you do to change this attitude? Accept the compliment. Take it. I know it is hard, but I promise, no one is going to think any less of you for saying, "Thank you!" If you reject it, you will come across as rude. If someone didn't think it was worth the compliment, then they wouldn't have wasted their breath.

   My mother has gone through a huge body transformation in the last two years. She had lap band surgery and had a total body lift. During the total body lift surgery, the doctor removed 11 pounds of skin. 11 POUNDS OF SKIN. How crazy is that? She went from weighing over 200 pounds to getting down below 170. She looks amazing! But, when she started having to dress her new body the image of herself was distorted. So many people complimented her on her new body,  how good she looked, and how happy they were for her. My mother always responded with, "I still have a long ways to go. I want to do my arms next. Or I want to get some work done on my face." One day I asked her why couldn't she just take a compliment? Just accept it. And she told me, "Jessica, when I look in the mirror, I still see the old overweight Becky. I just can't accept that what I see now is really me." I took her into my closet and gave her a cardigan wrap (that is clingy) to wear to a funeral that day. She told me, "This isn't going to fit. It's not going to work. I'm too big." I practically had to wrestle her into the wrap. And would you know, she looked stunning. I told her, "Show off your new body. And when someone compliments you today, you take it and smile. You will feel so much better about yourself." A few hours later she returned home and said I was right (duh!). She had so many people compliment her on her "new body" and how much they loved the cardigan (score!). I told her she needs to start dressing for her new body image and take the compliments that come her way from here on out.

   When we take a compliment, it fills our bucket. We feel good about ourselves. When someone compliments me, I try to return the compliment to either them or someone else that day. One day at school I wore a light blue wrap shirt. One student told me, "Ms. Castro! You look good in blue!" I smiled and said thanks. Later on that day, I had  teacher approach me and say, "That color looks so good on you. You should wear it more often." I instantly responded with, "I know! Thanks!" The teacher started laughing and said that I was confident in thinking that. I then had to explain that it wasn't that I was thinking high of myself but that someone else had already complimented me that day on my shirt so I needed to take a hint to wear that color more often. It wasn't that I was trying to put myself on a pedestal, but rather I was taking a comment to heart.

So ladies, when someone tells you that your makeup looks good that day, or they loved how you styled your hair-say thank you. It's the polite thing to do. Let's teach our daughters to accept compliments and learn to give them in return. Live a life of love

 

*Side note: If you Pinterest "Daily Odd Compliment" you will laugh and find that so many of those can apply to so many of your friends. I've already sent out four tonight.

This may be the time, but it certainly isn't the place.

Two words: Social Media.

I mean, honestly, life was so much more simpler and less confusing before Facebook. I remember when FB first came about and you could only be friends with people from your college. Then, you could be friends with people from other colleges--but you must have a college email account. Then the big WHAM happened...

It became open to anyone outside of college. Soon my friend list grew from a few hundred to over a 1,000. My pictures became very public and I had to soon lock down my profile. People became nosy. People became stalkers. What was once a fun way to connect with people has soon spiraled to addiction, dishonesty, and causing way more drama than Mark Zuckerberg ever imagined happening, I am sure.

Facebook can become very addicting--to find yourself scrolling through your newsfeed out of boredom or to see what mood someone is in--high on life one day, hating life the next. And heaven forbid the server is down or it's slow. I found myself haphazardly stalking people, without even really realizing it. I was spending more time on there, "connecting" with people, posting statuses constantly, and tagging and commenting on statuses...all...day...long. My conversations began to center around "Did you see her status?... How are they friends? Who is this girl in the picture with him?" I was driving myself crazy. As I started limiting my time on there, I noticed how so many people share such personal information on FB, especially my, achem, family (I'm sure I will get backlash from this or a nice little FB inbox message in the next day or so). When a website turned from something that was fun to connect and share pictures with others quickly became a public display of too much information and drama that should be kept behind closed doors. So, for a month or so over the summer I took a break from FB. I had to get out of the world that was sucking me in and dragging me down. And oh my word. It was so refreshing. I found my attitude had changed. I wasn't consumed with what someone's status meant. I liked that people didn't know where I went or what I was doing. Life became simple and quiet. I didn't like how public my life became through social media. And it wasn't just me that was posting stuff--I was getting caught up in family affairs. Others were asking me what in the heck was going on with my family and FB and I loved saying, "I have no clue. I haven't been on in a while." Smile, then walk away.

In August I reactivated my account so that I could keep up with new friends from Alabama. Even then, I really and still don't post a whole lot on FB. My family does enough of that for me. If I do post, I try to make it light hearted or encouraging. But, the last couple weeks I have become completely disturbed, appalled, and disgraced at what has unfolded in front of me and the rest of the FB world. So let's be honest here, shall we?

FB is the not the place to air your (or our) dirty laundry. Calling someone out in a vague status is being a coward. It shows you have no respect for that person or for yourself. Painting an image of someone you truly are not through pictures, statuses, and snippy comments makes you look trashy and pitiful. Once upon a time, when you had a problem with someone, you contacted that person through telephone or went to see them. However, today if you are upset with someone you call that person out in front of 800 viewers--more if you tag that person in the status. Doing this on FB is now the normal. And we wonder why our children are dramatic, critical, negative, and feel neglected? What example are we setting? I mean, it makes perfect sense. Why should our children learn to work out problems or situations through spoken words face to face when they see their parents and other adults throw up a status about the latest drama we have found ourselves centered in. When one does this, you are only drawing attention to yourself and the negativity of your attitude. If you want the spotlight, find it somewhere else off line.

I completely understand that FB is a free access, voice what you feel, and you may even tell me to go else where after reading this. But let's be honest, would you want someone coming into your house, rummaging through your laundry and wastebasket? It's the same concept. There's a reason the trash people come once a week to haul away the garbage--it begins to stink and the stench can soak into your sofa and become your aura that no one wants to smell. Writing a paragraph of how you're holding your head high, taking the high road, and going to let others kiss your arse as you walk away--no one is following you. And the ones following you have their noses so far up your rear end they don't know where their own starts or ends. They feel like they have a voice in the current situation, but they don't. I barely even have a voice. But, let's just remember this: when we display such public statuses, comments, drama--you will be judged. People will talk. People will wonder. People will lose respect for you. Your character becomes tarnished. Your reputation will always arrive before you do. You say you live an open book life. Really? Hmm. Because I don't recall receiving the phone call or the message--but instead, find out on FB. Thanks for being honest with FB before notifying me of this new found life of living. And let's just go ahead and say (because God knows I have lost count how many times I have seen this quote posted on FB), "Only God will judge me." You're right. He will, and He is right now. May He have mercy on your soul because let's not also forget that the Bible does call us to walk and live a life of love, be humble, and speak kindness. Where is this at? Apparently not in my newsfeed lately.

I'm not perfect. God knows I have my imperfections and I struggle daily. I screw up each day. But, I have enough common sense to not make it a public notion. I am pretty much a tight lipped, no comment person. No one's family is perfect. My family has seen it's share and is currently in turmoil. It hurts to see the ones that I have loved for the last 28 years become divided and so hateful to one another. I have lost relationships with some of the most precious people in my life. Do I love them any less because of their actions? Absolutely not. Did I love my dad any less when he had an affair and was absent from my life for five years? Nope, not all. Did I love my brother any less when he went through his dark storm for years and years? No, my love only increased. Am I disappointed at how situations are being handled? Absolutely. Having it thrown out on FB for all the world to see the bickering is not fair. It's not fair to our family and it's not fair for others to see. I am sure we are a comedy act that at night, as you lay down with your wife or husband you say, "Good Lord. That family. Let's pray now for them." And yes, pray for us. Maybe even fast or two would help. If you had to block a couple of my family members from your timeline--that's ok because I have done the same.

Facebook. If it was removed from your life for a few days, how would your social life change? Are you living life so that you can post your next glorified status? Or, are you searching for ways to be encouraging and positive? I can promise you this--those people that rarely post a status, pictures, or comments have a life they are living outside of Facebook. That life is so much more rewarding, and exciting than the endless character number count in the status block.

So, let me just apologize for any unnecessary statuses or comments you have had to read or may read in the upcoming days.

Do you think Lifetime would be interested in creating a mini-series? I think we would have a winner.

*side note update* After having this post up for five minutes, I had a couple people ask me why don't I just call out the names of who I am talking about because am I not doing the same thing, writing a vague blog about those people? One: I have class so I am not going to stoop to that level. Two, those that read this know who they are. Three: slander. Four: this is a blog post, not a FB status. Blogs are meant to express thoughts and feelings; posts are MEANT to be short little quips.