I am such the procrastinator. It's a wonder any of my friends depend on me, honestly. My impulsiveness gets the best of me. I wait until the last minute, and then I will go and do. OR, I am the extreme opposite: I dwell, analyze and pour over something to the point that it has lost it's meaning--I become ridiculously obsessed. But that's more like, my small side of OCD rearing it's ugly head.
Lately, I have been handled some situations that have totally taken me for surprise. They really haven't been bad or unfortunate. I have been forced to re-evaluate the character of some people, question true intentions, and carefully watch how I proceed with certain events. In the past, I have been quick to talk and dwell over a situation/someone, react with impulse and then find myself thinking I should have handled it differently. Hind sight is 20-20 right? We always see things in a better light after it's all said and done.
So, I started thinking. "What can I do to find that equal balance?" I was reminded of the verse in Psalm that says to wait quietly and patiently before the Lord. I blogged about that a couple of years go. Being full of questions and always talking, I want to know what is going to happen next; what one thinks; what should I do? I tell friends to tell me to shut up all the time (which they don't, bless them). Obviously, I just need to wait quietly and be patient. I told myself I would have to put those emotions and reactions into place--force myself to be quiet and patient. Sometimes to just...stop.
The last week or two, I found myself to not be so quick to jump to conclusions or thoughts. I have made myself take words, conversations, and events in stride. I have forced myself to internalize what has been done, sit on for a little bit (a couple hours or a day or two) then proceed. Normally I am an open book and will tell you whatever you want to know/what I want to tell you, even if you don't want to know. However, I have selected a few people to talk to and share feelings with daily. I don't see it as me being vague, but sometimes it's not good when a lot of people know a whole lot of what is going on in one's life. Less is more, right? Thinking through some things on my own, then sharing has helped me get thoughts in order and have a firm foundation of how I think I should handle people and situations.
With that being said, I have come to realize I have to let certain things of the past go. I have come to the realization that it's "ahora o nunca." Sometimes it's best to just release. Is it the easiest? Heck no. But carrying the weight of vengeance, bitterness, or hurt weighs down one's soul and fools with the mind. Sunday as I got finished with grading papers, I heard a voice say, "Start over. Let it go. It's done." I was talking with a friend and she said, "Jess. You have just got to let it go. Don't punish that person anymore. The deed is done. The apology has been offered. Move forward, with caution of course. But you cannot fully embrace what could be when you are still dwelling on what was."
Let it go. Ahora or nunca. Just let things be and embrace what could possibly hold for the future. If you can't do it now, then you may never will. Because after all, we aren't promised tomorrow.
