The Dating World: Single Moms vs. Single Nothing

    I've always thought dating as a late twenty-something-year-old is hard, or rather challenging. Meeting someone who you can connect and be yourself with and have the same drive or goals can be as difficult as me running three miles straight.

   But as a single mother...  that's a whole other level of difficulty.

   I'm not pregnant, by the way.

   However, I was thinking about two good friends of mine who are single mothers actively in the dating world. And I use the term "actively" carefully...and with caution.

   Candice has been a single mother since 1998. Beth has been a single mother of two since 2010.  Since then, they have for sure had their shares of ups and downs dating. The last 7 years, we have shared our stories of dating and while they are completely different, they are so similar, too.

   Candice prefers a man with no kids. Beth prefers a man with kids. I prefer a man with no kids and no crazy ex-wife/girlfriend (too late for the later).

   Candice is a cougar at heart. Beth is a sugar baby. I just want someone on my level-get on it!

   First thoughts on meeting a single man:

• Candice: "Does he want my pants? Is he all about the booty?"
• Beth: "Is he a good role model?"
• Me: "Is there a ring? Does he have pretty eyes? If so, I'll have his baby."

   On accepting a first date:

• Candice: "Is he going to try to get in my pants?"
• Beth: "Can I have a conversation with this man?"
• Me: "Is he a player?"

   Go to outfit on a first date:

• Candice: "Jeans and black shirt because Castro told me that's the standard best! With boots."
• Beth: "Jeans and a nice shirt."
• Me: "No underwear." (Kidding, Mom)

   Best time to date:

• Candice: "Spring. That's when all the juices flow. Spring fever!"
• Beth: "Summer."
• Me: "Cinco de Mayo!"

   Go to date:

• Candice: "I don't prefer lunch. The last one lunch date I had, the guy had a black tooth."
• Beth: "Lunch."
• Me: "One drink. Then take me home. To my house that is, and you leave."

   When do you say the L word?

• Candice: "Depends on who it is. Maybe 6 months?"
• Beth: "I DON'T BELIEVE IN LOVE."
• Me: "Just let me be lonely tonight."

   When to meet your friends:

• Candice: "On the first date! If you don't like them, you got to go!!" 
• Beth: "I don't know. I haven't been in a serious relationship in a long time because I don't like or trust people."
• Me: "After the 20th date."

   When to meet your child(ren):

• Candice: "Typically-three months at least."
• Beth: "4-6 months to hang out and spend time."
• Me: "In the delivery room. Hopefully."

    Biggest turn on:

• Candice: "Job. Support yourself."
• Beth: "Job. Have your crap together."
• Me: "Laughter and being a best friend."

   Biggest turn off:

• Candice: "How they respond to me. No super country. Convo has got to flow."
• Beth: "Nasty teeth!"
• Me: "Liars! You sit on a throne of lies!"

   Biggest challenge in the dating world as single mom:

• Candice: "Meeting someone decent."
• Beth: "I'm too picky. I don't have feelings." (True. She's like a man.)

The biggest challenge that seems to be between these single moms versus the single nothing is time. The spontaneity of going out at the last minute is not as available to them like it can be for me. But, that goes for every mother I know. The spontaneity is gone! (P.S. Did you know that word has the "u" sound in it when you pronounce it?) Single mothers are no longer able to put them self first but their children come first, or at least with these women. Their dating life and their personal world comes second. As for me, if I don't put myself first I get ridiculed and lectured from Candice and Beth. But one thing that I know that has come from these women is the fact that they are indeed strong and independent. They know for sure what they want and don't want or need. As for me, I am still figuring that part out--because I can. They have been through experiences, pain, and personal growth that I may never understand or comprehend in my lifetime, and they hope I never do. Our dating world circumstances can be completely different, but the end goal is to find someone that can accept our personal best and most importantly our personal worst. Kids or no kids. In the end, we are just three women trying to survive. Same goal with slightly different priorities and routes to find our happy ending. It may include a man with four kids or may include me just being...me. Besides, I think we add a little bit of flavor to the world around us.

"You will all find love eventually."
"No I won't. I will cut his throat."