Let's grab the heart of the world and turn it to the light.

He will deliver the needy who cry out,

the afflicted who have no one to help. Psalm 72:12   

   I wanted to take some quiet moments this morning to reflect on my upcoming adventure. That sounded really serious. But anyways, I leave tomorrow to head to Nicaragua to work with Chosen Children Ministries for a week. I am traveling with my aunt and uncle and about 20 other people. This is not my first mission trip across the seas or traveling a long distance away from home (example: the summer I graduated from college I traveled across Colombia with my grandfather and my dad for almost a month--not sure how I survived that trip). But, with this trip, I have been more anxious about leaving. I guess when I was younger, I didn't really think about taking off to Jamaica a few times, spending a summer in Venezuela when I was 14, or traveling to Honduras over Christmas break with college friends, or deciding to take 60 college kids halfway across the US to Texas for Spring Break. Now, I'm thinking about what all could go wrong. Have I really become settled in my age that I am restless over a mission trip over seas?

   While I am gone, I asking everyone to keep us in your thoughts and prayers. I have had tremendous support from friends and families while preparing for this trip, financially and emotionally. From a couple families that have help fund my trip, my mom for lending me shorts to wear (because I can't go pants-less in Nicaragua), to a coworker for supplying the materials to make the hygiene bags so that a part of her is being sent to Nicaragua, and to friends who have prayed continuously for this trip. However, it doesn't stop there. That is only the beginning. The most support I will need will be for the next week. Here are some things you could be praying for me and for my team.

• Pray for me! Like I stated, I have been anxious about leaving. I am not sure why my heart has been unsettled for a while now. But I know God is just preparing the prepared. Pray that I will have a peace while traveling, that I will step out of the way and that God will use me to the most extreme while I am in Nicaragua. (Wow- that's a pretty powerful prayer. I better get ready.)
• Pray for safe travels. We fly out of GSP at noon on Saturday, fly to ATL, have a 3-4 hour overlay then head to Nicaragua around 5. We should land there about 10 PM our time. 
• Pray for GREAT health! No sickness. No headaches. No upset tummies. Pray for our team to have a lot of energy and motivation!
• Pray for our ministry. We will be working with the children in the orphanages, sharing our faith, feeding the community, and several other small projects in a short week.
• Pray for the people of Nicaragua. Being a very poor country, they are grateful and thankful for whatever is given to them. Pray that their hearts will be softened and opened to God's word and to us.
• Pray for my mother. She is taking care of my sweet Josie while I am gone. Bless...

   There are so many other things that I could list for you to be in prayer for this next week. My prayer for you is that God will move in your heart while I am gone. Yes, I am in another country sharing God's incredible love. But you, my friend, have a ministry right where you are living. I challenge you while I am gone to do something out of love and care for someone around you. Friend, family member, or stranger-- pay it forward. The Bible states that all we have to do is plant the seed and God will take care of the harvest. We may never see the results of our work, but He does. What is going to be your mission for the next day--week--or month?

Let it go.

    You ever been so mad or ill with someone that you just want to punch them in the throat? Stomp on their pinky toe? Poke them in the eye?

   Ok. Maybe that sounded too violent. But you just get so mad at what someone for something that they have said or done. You want to inflect pain--or wish that karma would come back in time for you to see what happens to them. Which side note, karma always comes back. Example: I was seeing a guy while I was in college (not sure why--he wasn't even really my type. I guess I was bored?). Anyways, he cheated on me and broke up with me (thank God) and ended up marrying this girl. Well, just very recently, she was in the public eye for something very inappropriate that she did and brought shame to him and her. I admit--I laughed. Then felt bad for the situation. Anyways, karma always comes back.

    We all have been hurt by someone. Someone that has lied to us, let us down, hurt our feelings, was a bad friend/spouse, etc. And we begin to harbor resentment towards them. We have a hard time forgiving them and their actions. We can't go back and undo the past but we wish like heck that maybe we could so we could take away the hurt.

    My father had an affair while I was college. My parents split two weeks before their 25 wedding anniversary. Talk about anger, confusion, resentment, lost of trust and honor. I was so disgusted with my dad. I tried to keep up a relationship with him, but eventually I just cut him off when he married the woman he had an affair with. I couldn't bring myself to talk to him. And my dad was one of my best friends. So not only did I lose a dad but I lost a friend. I remember talking to "the boy's" mom about this situation. I will never forget these words as long as I live. She said, "Jess, you can accept what your father has done. That's not going to change. You have to face that. But you don't have to approve of his actions." Let that sink in. You almost have to accept the wrong doing in order to start the forgiveness process but you don't have to approve of it. I would like to say that I started to forgive my father right then and there but I couldn't. My mother wanted to see a therapist. My friends urged me to talk to my father. "The boy" at the time would talk to me about maybe calling him but supported me in whatever decision I made. I would like to say I really prayed about it as hard as I wanted to. But I didn't. I didn't want to forgive my father. I wanted him to hurt as much as I did. And I knew not talking to him was hurting him as much as it hurt me.

   I was sitting in church one Sunday in January. Our pastor preached on forgiveness. He talked about how forgiveness can eat you alive and how you can have such unrest. How you cannot truly have peace with yourself. He challenged us as to what we were going to do to settle a situation or come to terms with a broken relationship. I remember, I just sat there and cried. I cried throughout the whole sermon because I kept thinking of my dad. Being a Castro, I was too prideful to make a move. I didn't know how to go about doing this. Then, exactly a month later, I woke up one Sunday morning at 4:00. I was restless for over an hour. I tossed and turned on my couch. Three hours later, I receive a message that my stepmom had passed away her sleep-- at 4:30 that morning. Talk about chills and a God moment. That afternoon, I saw my dad for the first time in 4 years. I truly knew how it felt to forgive. All my anger-- all my pride-- all my hurt-- it was gone. I was telling my best friend that I had never felt such relief. While I would like to say everything with my dad has been amazing, easy, and perfect since then. But it hasn't. We talk weekly and have started having dinners together again. And it feels so freakin good to spend time with him.

   Having to forgive my father for what he did was the hardest situation I have had to face in my life. It was a long process--almost 5 years long. And it's still a process. But I will say this, it has made forgiving others a little bit easier. Just recently I was very upset with a situation. While I stewed over it for a few hours, I then realized that there was no point in staying mad and hating that person for what they did (and maybe the wine helped a little). Could I still be hurt? Yes, of course. But staying angry--what good would that do? Rob Bell has a NOOMA video titled "Luggage.". One statement he makes is, "Revenge is like saying to God, 'I don't trust you--I can do your job better.'" Deep down, we all want someone to hurt like they have hurt us. We want to put the situation in our hands and just unleash hell sometimes. While that can be fun, you're not really getting anywhere with that situation. But we have to trust that God will vindicate the situation because he causes all things to work together for our good. Our job--forgive. He'll take care of the rest. I'm not going to preach out there and say, "Go! Forgive! Do it NOW!" Because it's not something that can happen just over night. God had obviously been working on my hardened heart for a while. He was preparing me. But, just give it some thought. And maybe watch the video below (and learn a little bit of Spanish along the way).



   

Wait Quietly

If you truly know me, you know I am not the quietest person. When I get quiet, that's when I am really thinking. I become almost like a recluse. You have to pry personal information out of me. I often get fussed at by one of my best friends for not speaking my mind all the time. I am trying to get better at that with my friends.

However, when it comes to speaking to the good Lord above-- I am not so quiet. I ask questions, I complain, I offer praises, and some nights I find my hand cramping because I realize I have written 5 pages of prayers and thoughts. When I drifting off to sleep, I am talking to Him about a range of things--what tomorrow will bring, why someone said a certain thing to me that day, my response to people who have hurt me, what time I am going to have my coffee tomorrow morning, will my mother ever stop leaving voicemails? When I wake up, I say the Lord's prayer, then ask God to help me find that magical outfit to wear for the day. Or, ask him to give me patience with someone that I just want to punch in the throat (I'm really not that violent).

Lately, I have been discussing with Him why I am put into certain situations, or experiences. I don't often understand why-- and I pray for understanding. And I know our God is a God of perfect timing. Why this person? Why this failed relationship? Why this constant confusion? What did I do wrong? What did I do right? What can I learn from this? How am I going to approach this situation again (because I know it's going to happen again)? Why didn't you end it sooner? Was I that blind? (I just noticed that the teacher in me causes me to ask all the questions--inquiry learning and application, people.) It's no wonder God ever gets a word in edge wise with me. That's probably why God sends me such strong, opinionated friends and slap in the face events. I'm not quiet enough to listen. I then saw this quote on Pinterest this morning.

 

I love that this version says, "Let all that I am." That means every being-every ounce of me. This reminds me of when I went to see my brother in Greenwood the other weekend. We were sitting in the pew at the church service, listening to people give their testimony. A man in front of us stood up to give his. I had already had a previous conversation with this man earlier and he was an interesting character to say the least. And I think the quote he used was, "I didn't know God could save a sinner like me. I was just a singing Elvis impersonator, who was grinding on the weekends." One look at my brother, and we lost it. Well, of course, I could not stop giggling to myself. While I was so thrilled the Lord saved him, I was red in the face where I was trying to stifle my giggle and try not to shake the whole pew from laughing. My aunt left a nice little pinch mark on my arm like they used to do when you are 6 years old, misbehaving during the church service.

 

My point being, I had to use all of me to not just combust with laugher on that pew. And I have to remember that my same being, I have to control myself to be quiet before the Lord. Every ounce. Every being. Every question. I must wait. It's hard to sit and be quiet and to listen. And the verse says before  God. If I could conjure up an image of me and God, it would be something like this. Him, sitting in His chair, with a peaceful smile. Me, sitting cross legged at his feet, sipping my coffee and just being quiet, telling myself to shut up. Almost like playing the quiet game. And just waiting. And waiting. And waiting. And remembering that my hope is in him. When I constantly question what God does in my life, it's almost like I am not fully trusting him. That I am not putting my hope in him. While I think we should ask questions, we shouldn't question God's plan. And lately, I've been questioning God's plan and will for my life. 

 

What is so amazing is that God is so patient. How often do we lose our patience with people? Especially stupid people. As a teacher, you have to learn to deal with "that student" that constantly ask questions. And I always calmly look at "that student" and say, "If you let me finish, your question will be answered. May I continue, please?" And of course, that eager student says, "Yes! Go!" I am just that eager student, that wants to know what comes next. I am always thinking three steps ahead. God is that teacher just smiling, calmly saying, "If you let me finish, your question will be answered. May I continue, please?" Yes, you may. I will be quiet and wait.