Just let me be selfish for five minutes, ok?

     The last three weeks have been a complete blur, and I have felt like I'm not quite sure what to expect next.

    In short: Newbie took a job as Assistant Coach to the Men's Golf at Ole Miss. He moved there this past week.

    When Newbie applied and told me about the job, I was hopeful for him but in the back of my mind I thought, "Ole Miss. I mean, Newbie is good from what I hear as a golfer (ha!) but really, God? Mississippi? Nah." Then the interviews started coming and each week brought the possibility of Ole Miss becoming a reality. It was time for the final interview with Newbie flying out to Ole Miss for a couple of days. Luckily, I had Lo's shower to keep me occupied and mind off the fact that he could be moving to Mississippi for good. A few short days later on a Tuesday, that could turned into would. When I received the phone call, I was sitting the library during lunch. As I hung up, I felt tears stream down my cheek. I immediately thought, "How pathetic am I? Get it together, Stro." And that's just what I did.

   We quickly found out that he would be leaving the next week, which really threw us into this whole, "Is this really happening? Where does this leave us?" I really struggled with the fact and balance of being the supportive girlfriend and being selfish to want to keep him here in Spartanburg. I never once uttered the word, "Stay" because I knew that would be wrong. Instead, knowing Newbie's desire to move up in the coaching college world, I repeatedly said the word, "Go." Here is his opportunity to do great things without having to be responsible for a family. Why wouldn't he go? I made a promise to myself that I would do whatever I needed to do to help him get to Mississippi.

    Meredith, knowing my true personality and what was going through my head, she reminded me that I needed to be positive when speaking with Newbie about this "exciting! new! adventure!" but if I were ever want to vent (or cry) to be sure to speak with her or any of our other friends and not just hole up like I usually do. For the most part-- I was ok throughout that week. I kept my feelings in check when I would talk to Newbie or when I would see him. The Saturday before he left, we were sitting in his apartment having our typical lay-on-the-couch-and-veg night. As we were talking about his upcoming move, I started to cry. Knowing Newbie hates to see girls cry, I tried to keep it under control and not completely lose it from keeping it in all week. Plus, when I cry-that rarely happens.Well, I tried to hide it at first but that was dumb of me to do. He starts questioning why I am crying because "it's not like it's the end for us." I told him, "Just let me be selfish for five minutes, ok! I have been so good this last week. Just let me cry!" And he did because sometimes a girl just has to let it go.

    I think what has scared me the most about Newbie leaving is the thought of having another long distance relationship. My one-hour-away-long-distance relationship obviously did not work. If I couldn't make a relationship work that was one hour away, how can I possibly do 7 plus hours with a career that takes him traveling for several weekends in a row throughout the year?  Reading that makes me sound like I don't have hope or trust in mine and Newbie's relationship. I do but sometimes when you feel like you are going against the wind, you get tired of pushing. I had finally found a relationship that I was comfortable in and was progressing at a strong, quick rate. Feelings were developing at a much stronger rate that I ever thought could happen. What was once a huge wall had been knocked down slowly over time and I felt exposed. Our weekends together have gone from Friday Mexican date nights-Saturday veg nights-Sunday naps to having to plan out weekend visits a month in advance. It's like I'm that kid that just sits down in the middle of the store and refuses to move. I wasn't sure where I stood with Newbie prior to the move, but once I found out that we would be hours apart--emotions and feelings rose in me that I didn't now was there. My best friend, partner in crime, and buddy was leaving me.

    However, in order for this relationship to even have a chance in surviving, I know I will have to give it an honest effort. I have to trust Newbie. I have to trust myself. I have to trust God. As many times I have prayed for Him to close the door to this relationship, God has left it opened. I have to be willing to take a backseat for a little bit to Newbie's career. I am going to have to learn a whole new level of understanding. I didn't have a lot of that at the beginning of meeting and hanging out with Newbie, but now it's different because my feelings are different. Communication just got taken to a whole other level. I feel like Newbie and I have done more talking in the last three weeks than we have done in the last 3 months. Looking ahead to seeing him again and replaying our last few days together is what has gotten me through the last day or two.

   There have been moments where I have been more positive about this-knowing that this is just short term and isn't forever. Receiving his excited messages, pictures, and hearing his "When you get here, we're going to..." thoughts ease me. I am so incredibly proud of Newbie and honestly, jealous that he has this opportunity. An opportunity to leave Spartanburg and go somewhere to live and do what he loves in a town that we have never experienced before--starting something new! Newbie's opportunity called him to Mississippi. My opportunity is still here in Spartanburg. And our relationship lies somewhere between. I know that everything little thing is gonna be alright. But if one more person tells me, "If it's meant to be, it will be" then I am going to punch them in the throat.

   Here's to blogs about roadtrips to MS and giving this whole long distance relationship thing another try. I'm not a quitter. You fight for what you want, right?

...for you I pray.

   You know, praying for my future husband is probably one area that I am constantly in prayer over. I have been battling lately if that is a bad thing. But, I have come to realize that it isn't necessarily wrong to pray for my future husband-- if it is God's will for me to get married. And that--that is a whole other prayer time in itself. However, if it is God's will for me to get married (and I know my mother is on her knees each night praying the same thing, along asking for a grandchild or two) then I know I should be praying for him and for our future.You also have that image of what you look for in a husband. Mine isn't necessarily physical, but more of an emotional and personality traits that I am looking for. I don't like sharing my "traits" a whole lot because these are close to my heart. I like to see if each guy I date steps up and has such traits. I don't want to tell him what I look for specifically because I don't want him to change his true character just to match my standards. I believe that if I am meant to be with this one person, it will be revealed and brought to light over time. I guess that's what keeps me a mystery, and a part of my personality that can drive "The Newbie" crazy.

   I started researching what are some things a single girl should be praying about for her future husband, or even her current love interest. The list became quite expansive, intense, and convicting. Convicting that maybe my heart hasn't always been in the best spot as I have prayed in the past. Intense as these prayers shouldn't be taken lightly and I should be ready for God to move in my heart and his heart for these things to come to light. Expansive because there are a multitude of things that one can pray for husband/boyfriend. When these prayers are lifted up in true love and hope for a future, then I know God isn't going to disappoint.

1. His relationship with Christ. Christ should be and always remain the cornerstone in his life and in our relationship. (Isa 28:16) My hope is built on nothing less, than Jesus' blood and righteousness...Christ alone, cornerstone.
2. From what comes from his mouth is an overflow of his heart. Encouraging, a witness, and testimony to God's grace and faithfulness. (Matt 12:34)
3. A man of prayer. He would seek God in prayer constantly and then talk second about it. He would lift me and others up in prayer daily. (James 5:16)
4. A humbled man. A man who knows that in order to have a successful heart, that God must be greater in all areas of his life. (John 3:30)
5. He would build friendships and surround himself with positive men in his life. (Provs 27:6)
6. Endurance and passion. To run with endurance, the race that is set before him, and to focus on pleasing you. (Heb  12: 1-2)
7. Encourager to me and others. (1 Thess 5:11)
8. Continue to develop as a leader for our relationship. (Eph 5:21-31)

These verse are just the beginning for something that could become amazingly crazy. I have prayed these in mine and Newbie's relationship, and it is apparent that God is working. When I have prayed for endurance, Newbie is right there in my face pushing me to the next level, that often comes in the form of a 5:30 AM phone call to get to the gym in the morning, or telling me that I can't do something {because that is my inner switch that makes me prove others wrong}. Or when I see God show how real He can be in one's life and change a man's heart. I think these prayers can be modified as life goes on and as each relationship develops. But for right now, for you I pray.

She brings good, not harm all the days of her life. {Provs 31:12}

The Little Things... Starting with Prayer

   Today in church I saw the smallest little gesture at the end of the service. I am pretty sure no one else saw this, as it was during prayer time. And I am sure this husband did not think it was a big deal, but I picked up on it. As our pastor was ending in prayer, I was bowing my head and I caught a movement to my right. As I glanced over, I noticed that a husband had wrapped his arms around his wife's shoulders, and whispering a prayer in her ear, fervently. I don't know what prayer was he praying; whatever it was must have been a sweet, merciful prayer because as he prayed, tears streamed down her face. I couldn't help but stare. He did this throughout the whole closing prayer. It's not uncommon to see couples go down to the front alter and bow together to pray. Or see couples join hands during prayer. But to see this couple, off to the side, praying quietly with the husband leading the prayer was absolutely powerful and touching.

    This image has stuck with me all day. How blessed is that woman that her husband--who without shame, would wrap his arms around her and whisper a prayer in her ear, not caring who noticed, or who even heard his prayer. I would think that this is an indication of their prayer life. I would like to think he prays for his family like this each day. Maybe he wraps his arms around his wife each night before bed and prays. Maybe he does the same for his children, and even his grandchildren. A praying husband is a powerful blessing to have in a marriage that is based on Christ.

    Instantly, I prayed "God, send me a husband like that. A husband that will wrap his arms around me, whisper prayers in my ears that would bring sweet tears to my eyes. Tears of joy, tears of appreciation, tears of love." Knowing that God is going to give me a man who not only loves me as deep as Christ loves me, but that will also lift me up in prayer on a daily basis is one of the most humbling, enduring treasures I cannot wait to experience.

   I don't know who my husband is for God has not exactly revealed this yet (for I keep telling myself God is a god of perfect timing). But I would hope that my husband, whoever or wherever he is, is praying a passionate, truthful, honest prayer for God's will in my life and his life. I came across a great blog called Paul's Ponderings. He wrote a post on how a Christian man can pray for his girlfriend and for God's will to be done in her life and also in his. You can find it here. Definitely worth for all men and women to check out.

  So, as I thought about that couple today and I look at where I am right now I am reminded: that couple-- that praying couple-- that is what I long for, that is what God has planned for me one day. I just know it. This I pray...

"...we have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding..." Colossians 1:9-10

  

  

The week the Colombiana became a Nicaraguan

The last week of July I had an opportunity to travel to Nicaragua with my aunt and uncle. They take this trip twice a year- one in the winter, and one in the summer. With this being their 24th trip, I would say they are old pros. I have been wanting to go the last few summers but with my school schedule it has never really worked out. But this summer, it worked out perfectly. Loading up with my aunt and uncle and about 20 others from across the southeast, we headed out to Nicaragua to work with Chosen Children Ministries. I wasn't sure what to expect. This wasn't my first trip overseas or doing mission work in another country, so I thought I was prepared. However, God totally rocked my world as soon as we got there.

We spent our days ministering to people out in the barrios. A barrio is an area where groups of people live. Some are better than others--and I use the term "better" loosely. We would lead church services, hand out food and other supplies, and just simply love on the people there. They are so hungry for hope. So, a lot of our time is spent building relationships and sharing the love of Christ. The people are hard workers--men go to work, while the women stay at home to take care of the house and care for the kids. They work to provide for their family daily. Children run amuck around the barrios. I thought about how we constantly have to watch our children here running around the neighborhood. Here, children could be blocks away from their mother and it's ok. A lot of the times when I would ask the children where their parents were, they would either say their mother was at home or the parents were at work. The older siblings are left to care for the younger ones. The children are just absolutely precious. The love in their eyes is indescribable.

I am still processing the week. Hopefully, the pictures below will help me put my thoughts into words.

Our transportation for the week. Hello yellow bus!

Our Sunday Service at church

Bless this man. He did not have much. But I do know this-- his Bible was tattered and worn and he was just a praising and singing as loud as he could. Sweet soul.



 I want this baby. Period. Totally could have fit in my backpack.

Aunt Diane giving her testimony.

 I look down, and the man has brought his dog to church. I guess they need Jesus too.

Our feeding center at one of the churches. And no, that's not a Nicaraguan. That's a big Mexican named Edgar.

The line wrapped around the church.

Biggest pot of beans I have ever seen.

Rice, rice, and more rice.

Amanda scooping juice--making it last. Kind of like Jesus feeding the 5,000.

A flooded barrio.

 Being on a school bus when the roads have flooded is not the best feeling in the world.

Sadly, we were not able to make it back out to the barrio due to the downpour and flooded roads.



 

Mine and Amanda's first day of ministry out in the barrios. Let's do this!

Suited and geared up. Making a fashion statement one pair of rainboots at a time.

 

 

 

Nicaraguans love stickers. We usually had to show them how to peel them off and put on their clothes. This man wanted it on his head.

 

A "nice" barrio.

When you can't speak Spanish, break out the nail polish.

Next stop.

Who doesn't have a pig grazing in their backyard?

Michael with an excited little boy with a new paper airplane.

A feeding of picos and juice. I was mistaken for a Nicaraguan.

This kid cracked me up. Right before I could snap the picture, he had his shirt over his head with his gut hanging out.

 

Day 2 of ministry in another barrio. This is under their "church."

Ducks. But no water around...

These two little girls just made me and Amanda smile so much. Shirtless with bandanas and pink shorts.

Meet Roger. He left his job as a computer engineer making big money to work for Chosen Children. He works for Chosen Children as a guide and a translator. He called me "Mi Amor" all week. Roger swears he's going to be my husband one day. 

Joseph stretching out his back. Bless.

Another barrio and church.



This little one-- Amanda and I just had to pass her around.

This man right here- love him to Reese Pieces. So blessed to call him family.

I'm going to pause here for the night. My computer is having overload issues right now. So hopefully tomorrow I will be able to finish uploading the final pictures. And I hope that this gives you just a glimpse, an idea, a wonder into just a little bit of the Nicaraguan life.