YOLO! Or, maybe not?

     It's been a while since I have blogged. I can't really say I've been busy. Nothing just hasn't really hit me lately. That is, until two friends of mine lost their father unexpectedly.

    When I received the news the two different times that my friends' fathers had passed away, I got a sickening pit in my stomach. My first thought was, "My God, this cannot be happening." My second thought is, "I need to be with them. What can I do?" My final thought was, "This is not going to be easy." Anytime someone passes away, you are left with the "What can I do or say?" syndrome. This past winter, Newbie's step-grandfather passed away and he kept saying, "I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. I don't like going to funerals." To which I replied, "No one actually enjoys these things. But, the only thing you can do is just to be present when needed and give love. Don't try to make it up with words."

    And I think what made it the hardest was seeing my friends, who are normally such strong willed women who never cry, break in such a fragile moment. Normally it is I who throws the tantrums or the fits with them consoling me and bringing me back to level ground. With them, they weren't throwing fits. They were missing their daddy--the one who was the first man they ever loved, made them laugh, and taught them to love beach music and NASCAR racing. I can't bring their father back to their world, nor can anyone replace their father. So what do we do?  We grieve for a while. We dwell in memories, stories, and songs of those that have passed. But, with all that going on-we continue living life. We slowly pick ourselves up off the floor, regain some sort of normalcy and look onward. Sometimes it's your family that forces you moving on, knowing they need you. It may be your work that you throw yourself into. But whatever it is, you grab a hold on to this sacred piece and you keep going.

    Earlier today, I was talking to one of my friends that just lost her dad a few weeks ago. As we were texting, she made the comment how she hates seeing her FB filled with people complaining about spending time with their family, having to be somewhere they don't want to be, or finding minor things to complain about in their life. Then she wrote, "I would give anything up to have to go to dinner with my dad." Tears instantly welled up in my eyes (and now as I type this). How many of us have had opportunity to spend time with someone and we had a hard heart about it? Or maybe, we just didn't make that person a priority because we think, "Oh, we'll just go to dinner next Tuesday instead...I'll call her Saturday when I actually have time to talk to her." We get so caught up in our own world that we put those that we love on the back burner, thinking they will always be there. We compromise our time with this person--maybe to spend some time with someone else, to just be alone, or rather we just don't want to do whatever we are supposed to do, probably for selfish reasons. 

     I believe this to be true especially in relationships. It is human nature to be selfish and to look out for your own personal best interests, which isn't necessarily a horrible character trait because I believe sometimes you just have to do what is best for you. But in a relationship, you have to commit to put your other half first a lot of the times. See what their needs are and meet them. Maybe it's just a little bit more communication. Maybe it is doing a kind act for that person. Maybe it's just a simple act of listening. You make time for that person because the truth of the matter is, if you really want to be with that person--you will make an honest true to God effort to connect with him/her--and do it with a grateful heart. You make time for who you want to be with (and I think I have written this before...several times). And I use the word connect because right now, for me, seeing my other half isn't really possible at the moment. So, our connecting and making each other priority has resulted to text messages through out the day, SnapChats, and phone calls before bed to debrief about our day. Do we always get to have decent conversations about what is going on? No, not every day. But we try to at least touch base in the morning and evening. And if that doesn't happen, then some re-direction and a new game plan takes place. I would say that we always have tomorrow, but we don't.

    So, I guess my final thought for tonight is, "Who are you making a priority? What are you making a priority in your life?" It may be a job. It may be school. It may be a hobby. Hopefully it's your family and those that you really care for on a daily basis. This past Sunday, Perry Noble, pastor of NewSpring church made the following statement (or at least along these lines because I can't find my random scrap note paper, dang it): When you put someone or something first, it is obviously the most important thing in your life at that moment. I think a major part of this problem is that society tells that it's ok if you don't want to do something or see someone. The morality of putting others first, staying in touch and building those relationships has gone to pot with technology. Yes, a quick scroll through Facebook will leave you thinking, "Oh! Another baby!...Wedding bells, again!...Oh, girl--hit the gym...Oh what an idiotic comment to make." A quick comment or like can suffice but it can't be everything. Maybe we need to take a moment and figure out what we are placing first--are we spending precious moments with people that we truly care about?  We need those moments with friends and family. Just recently, my three best friends and I decided to up our girls night out from once a month to every other week. We realized that we need each other more than ever--all four of us are at four total different points in our life but we balance each other out. So, setting GNO dates in advance holds us accountable to see one another and it gives us something to look forward to at the end of each week.

    Earlier today, I joked with my friend, "YOLO!" and I absolutely HATE that statement. Nothing makes that statement have such a negative connotation when someone you know personally passes away unexpectedly. And we are left reevaluating our own lives, making ourselves feel inadequate because we aren't doing something out of the ordinary- it reminds us that maybe we aren't living these extraordinary, exciting life. But actually you are. Yes, you live only once but don't be reckless with what you have--don't take those around you for granted. Love on them. Talk to them. Be with them. Because at the end of the day, you can't live in the shadow of past regrets or you'll die each time.
  

What date night?

    As I was scrolling through Pinterest tonight, I noticed several pinners have pinned links to different "date" activities. One said, "50 almost free date night ideas!" Another said, "31 different date nights for each day of the month." And my current favorite, "50 Fun Fall Date Ideas." Now, I'm not knocking these date ideas or websites because I think some of them are honestly legit good ideas for couples. But then it got me thinking, "What does a date night look like?" Or rather, "What constitutes a date?"

   When you are in a relationship, the girl always looks forward to a date night with the one she is seeing. I know I do. I'm not hinting that the guy doesn't look forward to it-- I just think the guy looks at it in a rather different light: make plans, show up, hang out, take the girl out, the end. But a girl likes a little bit of effort, even if it means you just picking out the restaurant to dine at for the evening.
For example, I always hated the dreaded, "Where do you want to eat?" conversation. Just pick a flippin' place. If I don't want it, then I will let you know. My current "date" is pretty good in this department. He picks the place, and I just go with it. It's been refreshing. But, there are other times where his ADD mind has caused us to go to four different parking lots because he's not sure just where he wants to eat. But, we typically have our four basic places we like to dine at, so it's not usually a traumatic process.

    Lately, I have heard so many couples (married and dating couples) complain that they just have not had time together. I had MA tell me today she probably saw her husband for a total of 6 hours this past week. I had a coworker tell me that she probably spoke a total of 5 sentences to her husband in one day. Another friend's husband is going back to school so she feels like she's been pushed to the back burner lately. Another friend is dating a guy that is an engineer at Clemson. She said it was over two weeks before they finally were able to spend some time together the other day. Life is ridiculously busy. With my new "date interest," our schedules completely conflict. It's been a struggle to find the time and the energy to see one another at least one night during the week/weekend. The last couple of Friday nights I have deemed "Friday Date Night."  Last night we were able to hit downtown Greenville, which we have never done together. We were like two little kids-- excited to leave work behind, grab some dinner with some fun friends and just make a night out of it (which I have to say, it was one of the better Friday nights I have had in a while). We try to make plans a couple days before to see one another and just take a night off from the drama we call work. And, it has been amazingly nice. I found myself looking forward to getting through the week and just enjoying that one-on-one time that we don't get a lot during the week. It doesn't always happen, but we try.

   And I don't think it's that people don't want to see each other. Life gets in the way. That's just it. It always gets in the way. But, we have to find a way to push life aside, make spending time and creating date nights as part of life. So I guess my essential question is, "What does a good date night look like?"

    I think this could go several ways. I love dressing up, throwing on my favorite jeans, boots, freshening up my make up and go out for dinner and a couple of drinks. I love being picked up, complimented on how nice I look, have a conversation with someone other than an eight year old, and made to just enjoy the night out. But even then, after a while, that gets old. That's where a good night in comes into place. A night in my sweats and a movie to watch on TV, with me falling asleep on the couch, wrapped up in a blanket. It's hard to not just collapse when you get home and not speak to one another. Especially when you have children. Then, it that case, planning a night out isn't as easy-- it ends up requiring so much more planning and becomes tedious.

   But, that's the thing-- date nights don't have to require a lot of planning. It can be nice to be surprised and have an elaborate date preplanned. But who says a date can't consist of you two carving a pumpkin or two one night (hint, hint, cough, cough)? Who says a date can't consist of you two sitting on the porch after the kids go to bed, talk and share a glass of wine? Who says you can't just decide to stay in, cook dinner and have a little dance party in the kitchen? And what about going to church on Sundays then having lunch afterwards at Wade's? Or, even better, take in a football game for the day or a quick trip to the mountains?

    When the routine is changed up, it makes you really appreciate your time together. When you do something new together, like go out with a group of friends that you don't typically see, you get to know that person in a whole new light. When you try something new, you see other quirks or sides of that person. And this is so important, especially when you are just starting to date a new person. You want to see how a person reacts in a certain situation. For example, the "date" and I were watching TV one night and our viewing channel landed on an episode of "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?" Little did I know how competitive he is and how competitive I can be in games-- it became our "thing" to do when we are hanging out. Which sadly, he has beat me every time. Astrology and random geography questions get me every time. I will win, one day.

   So, I think, just spending time together can constitute a date night. Anytime I would go out with someone a few times, my closest guy friends would say, "Ok, so has he taken you on a date? Has he treated you like the princess you deserve to be treated like? And a Mexican restaurant doesn't count." (Which by the way, I think it totally does.) And yes, we like to be taken out and wooed, but the comfort of the couch or a ride in the car is just as enjoyable (as long as the couch and the house doesn't become a common date area). Make time for one another to do something fun, to spend time together. You each deserve it. If time isn't possible during the week, go ahead and make plans for something fun to do when a free night opens up. Make each other a priority.

   And if you're single and not dating anyone--girl, I know how you feel. Just go ahead and take yourself out on a date. Get some Outback take out, or my personal favorite, a feast of Mexican food and just lay it all out on the table and indulge. Treat yourself to a new pair of boots (did that Thursday) and a hot afternoon coffee (did that Wednesday). Pamper yourself. Dating yourself sounds crazy. But, those moments are when you learn the most about yourself. Hmm. I'm thinking I may have to look into expanding that thought in the near future...

   Date nights. It can be as simple as you want it, or it can be as elaborate as you wish it to be. But as long as you are spending any quality time with someone you care for, call it a date. And if you're stuck on ideas, don't worry-- Pinterest has your back, or rather your dates, covered.

Knocked Out and Let Down.

     What a perfect first week of school. My kids are precious. They are funny. They are hard workers. They are motivated to learn. They have been kind!

     We have a new team of teachers. It's a new school year. It's a clean classroom. I have hit this week-full fledge head on.

    Come Thursday night, after a Mexican dinner with MB, those refried beans were not feeling too good on my stomach. At 1:30 Friday morning, I was jolted out of the bed to the bathroom for the next hour. Talk about jump starting a diet! (lost 2 pounds!!)

    Food poisoning.

    Are you serious? Food poisoning the first week of school? This is not happening. I ended up having to call in a sub because I just could not take any chances. I didn't want to get any of my kids sick and I didn't want to wear my body down more than it already was. I felt horrible. Not just horrible from the food poisoning but horrible for not being there the first Friday of the school year. I felt like I let my kids down. This resulted in me sleeping most of Friday away and staying in Friday night...like a loser.

   Later on that day, my good friend CPR from NC called to check up on me and to catch up. We were talking about friendships and how difficult it can be to stay in touch with a friend, especially when they are a good distance away. Just like with CPR, when I was spending almost every weekend in NC, we were together on the weekends almost (if not more) than I was with "the boy." Then, when I was no longer spending time in NC, I don't see her as much as I would like. For example, yesterday, she made the comment, "The new Longhorns opened but (her husband) is playing golf, and I have no one else to go with. But if you were here..." And I would have been at the Longhorn in a heartbeat if I could just so I could spend some one-on-one time with CPR again.

     But, it takes great effort on both parts to build a friendship and keep it in motion. Distance or no distance. And when we feel like a friend isn't making any effort in keeping the friendship going, we feel let down. I know this is a weakness of mine. I get so caught up in making sure that I hang out with this friend, and knowing I have another event to be at, and then I have to go to dinner with this group...I neglect some of the most precious friends and friendships. But how wonderful is it to have friends that offer grace and understand when things get hectic, you get out of place.

    I think it does come down to priorities. On Earth, who are your number one priorities? Or what are some of your top priorities? Family? Your job? Your friends? Your spouse? Your kids? Church? Where does it start? And where does it end? Obviously, your top priority should be your relationship with Christ. Where does that stand in comparison to everything else? I know for me, personally, it hasn't always been my top priority until the last year when I was knocked down and felt like the wind was knocked out of me. That was God's way of saying, "Boo-yah! Knocked you down. Now, get up and let me help you." My quiet moments early in the morning or late at night on my porch have become some of the most awakening moments of my life. Lately I have not been feeling the best about myself and my body. Last Sunday, I woke up at 7:30, wide awake. What in the world? I debated on going back to sleep or getting up. Something told me to get up, go to the porch, and just read--that there was something He wanted to show me. So I did just that and would you know, my whole quiet time was about being a Lady of Virtue. God knew what I needed. I could have easily rolled over and ignored God, but I knew He was priority. And if I didn't continue to keep him as my priority, then I was going to miss out on a blessing and a word that I was so desperately needing to hear.

    But, where do family and friends and work fall into that? Well, my priorities are obviously going to be slightly different than others. For me, I have no husband to come home to-- just my little Jozier. But your family has to come first. Then your friends and work. Sometimes your friends are your family. My single momma friend CL has a freshman daughter in high school. And I never seen someone sacrifice and work so hard to make her daughter a priority, give her what she needs and wants, and raise her to be the young woman she is today. Recently, they took a trip to the beach right before school started and CL didn't take her work stuff with her. It was just time for her and her daughter. And she commented that it was one of the best getaways she had with her daughter in a very long time. Often times CL would have to put herself on the back burner but as a mom, she knew what she needed and had to do. But, I have seen blessings come out of CL because of her sacrifice and honor her daughter-- and it's not the end, either. Kudos to you, CL, kudos!

    With the school year starting, sports and tournaments coming up, and the craziness that can comes with each new week, month, and year-- remember your priorities. Who are you spending time with? Are you making promises and keeping them? Are you equally setting time aside for Him, your family, and friends? Don't be the friend that let's others down. But, remain strong so you don't get knocked out.I know there are some areas I need to work on--some friends I need to do better at keeping in touch with--some family I need to spend more time with--and others that I need cut back time.