Trust: An Unconditional Love

I'm back! My trip was incredible. Indescribable. Which is why I haven't blogged about it, yet. I have been catching up on my jet lag and spending time today just taking it easy. However, I do promise tomorrow to upload some pictures and post more about it.

Tonight, though, I was thinking about trust. It's a staple in any relationship. Think about it-- every relationship or friendship is built on that. Some people automatically trust. Some do not trust so easily and one has to earn that trust. Often times this comes from being hurt repeatedly in the past, or even just in one instance. And when that trust is lost, it can be so hard to gain back. But I was thinking more tonight about how do you know when to trust people--again. I believe we all deserve second chances, in most cases. But I have such a hard time writing people off immediately. I know people that if you do something that causes them to lose trust in you, then can forget ever entering their world again. And these people are usually more protective of the ones they love, they are strong willed and very outspoken. I also know people that are so open to love, forgiveness, and will always try again. I don't mean people that just constantly keep going back to a bad relationship, but they don't hold grudges. They don't belittle those around them. I admire those people because those tend to be the most tenderhearted ones. But, you know, I'm not one to write people off immediately. I have a hard time walking away from friendships or relationships. It takes me finally having to come to that point on my own to walk away. No one can force me, talk me into it, or lecture me into doing it. I have to find out for my own. Sometimes I'm glad I did not leave the friendship in the dust because God shows me how it was part of his plan the whole time--most of the time it was teaching me a lesson. And other times, it shows me that not everyone is perfect and I have to forgive but move on.

I typically trust friends easily. I have several close friends, each one that I share intimate or important things with. I guess you could say I have a very well rounded group of friends. But in the relationship department-- I struggle with trusting men. The first man I loved, my dad, lost all my trust for a while. I am working on trusting him once again and rebuilding that relationship because I know one day it will bring honor to God. The second man in my life I loved for five years. I was never the jealous type. Never questioned him or had any reason to really question anything. The relationship ended out of no where and my whole world was turned upside down. Ever since then I have had a hard time trusting. What was once a strength of mine has now become a weakness. And I hate it. I know it's the enemy--taking any opportunity for me to doubt any future relationships.

I started reading through the Word to see what exactly God's thoughts were about trust. In John 14:1 Jesus says "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me." King David in Psalm 56:4 writes "In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?"  The Bible also states several times to not trust man, but God alone. We shouldn't put all our hope into one person, or one relationship. We are not perfect, so we will all at some point let someone down. Probably daily in some sort of way. That phone call you were supposed to make but you didn't. That task at work you said you would have done, but you never finished it because you got distracted. That promise you made to your child to take them to get ice cream but you got caught up at work. That time with someone special or a friend you were supposed to make happen but you didn't follow through. Or, promising your dog to go for a walk but fell asleep on the couch. Each little thing breaks down that pillar of trust.

So I started thinking, "Ok. So not to trust man. Got it. Trust God. I mean really put faith in Him and his works because in the end, it's all going to come out for the good for me and bring Him glory." It made me think of when I went zip lining on our R&R day in Nicaragua. I was strapped to a cable cord that hung thousands of feet about the ground, in the forests of Nicaragua. I decided to do something different. Well, Michael dared me to zip line backwards, upside down. Being one to not have a man prove that he can do something that I cannot, I accepted the challenge. But right before I was pushed off the platform, I truly had my trust in that cable, in the guide that I was hooked up right, in the other guide at the end of the cable that he would catch me. One snap, or unhook and I was done for in that forest. But I did it. I went and trusted in that cable and tour guides--and it was the best rush of my life. Trusting God is like that. When we really put our faith in God, and anchor that hope in our soul to Him, the ride and rush he will take us on will be breathtaking. You just have to take that step and know that he is going to always keep you sailing through your life.

But, what does this mean about trusting in relationships again? Lately, I have been so prayerful about certain relationships. I know that sounds like I am typically not prayerful with them, but I have really been pouring out some time, thoughts, and prayers. And I am trusting that God is working in them because I have already seen the fruit and his overwhelming response to me through answered prayers or little quips. I know at some point I will have to trust in a relationship again. If you ask any married couple or two people in a relationship what is one building block of foundation on their relationship they are going to say trust and love. And lately God keeps pointing me to the theme of "love" in Ephesians and 1 Corinthians. Tonight, it was 1 Corinthians13:7: Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. How does love trust? We aren't to trust people but to love them. When we give love to one another, we are seeking trust. It may not be a lot of love at first, but with each little service of love, trust is built. When we love we are communicating trust. In time, faith will come in that person. We become hopeful. And love will always out win any given situation. I have always heard my mom says, "Love is a choice." I totally believe that. You choose who you want to love and who you want to be with. You choose how much time, energy, trust, and hope you put into a relationship and into a person. You can choose to love someone so much, just as Christ loved us, that your heart is going to explode. Or, you can hate someone and push them away because that may be easy at the moment, but in the end it is going to suck.

But, let's be real here for a minute. Some people are hard to love. Lord help us and them. But that's what is so amazing about love. It is unconditional. Colossians 3:12-14: ...clothe yourself in compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience...and put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. How can we have compassion towards others if we don't love them? How can we be gentle and have patience if we are have such hate in our hearts? I know I have had to call upon God to show me how to love someone when I have completely lost patience with that person. It may not be an instant answered prayer, but something that God slowly shows me how deal or change my heart so that I can be patient. It's a tough prayer that does not need to be taken lightly.

In order for me to truly trust in relationships again, I must trust that God will be my harbor of hope, that he will not lead me astray. That any situation or circumstance I am in is to bring him honor. But I also know I can't truly trust in any relationship until I learn to love unconditionally. I'm not quite sure how to love unconditionally. But I pray that God will show me how. I also pray that God will grant me discernment so that I know when to discern fact from fiction. And that's when I have to be quiet and listen.

Trust. It's something that's earned. It's something that can be easily lost in man. But it comes from an unconditional love from deep within, based on Christ's extravagant love for us. Trust. Will it happen again for me? I like to think so. I have a little bit more hope tonight.

Wait Quietly

If you truly know me, you know I am not the quietest person. When I get quiet, that's when I am really thinking. I become almost like a recluse. You have to pry personal information out of me. I often get fussed at by one of my best friends for not speaking my mind all the time. I am trying to get better at that with my friends.

However, when it comes to speaking to the good Lord above-- I am not so quiet. I ask questions, I complain, I offer praises, and some nights I find my hand cramping because I realize I have written 5 pages of prayers and thoughts. When I drifting off to sleep, I am talking to Him about a range of things--what tomorrow will bring, why someone said a certain thing to me that day, my response to people who have hurt me, what time I am going to have my coffee tomorrow morning, will my mother ever stop leaving voicemails? When I wake up, I say the Lord's prayer, then ask God to help me find that magical outfit to wear for the day. Or, ask him to give me patience with someone that I just want to punch in the throat (I'm really not that violent).

Lately, I have been discussing with Him why I am put into certain situations, or experiences. I don't often understand why-- and I pray for understanding. And I know our God is a God of perfect timing. Why this person? Why this failed relationship? Why this constant confusion? What did I do wrong? What did I do right? What can I learn from this? How am I going to approach this situation again (because I know it's going to happen again)? Why didn't you end it sooner? Was I that blind? (I just noticed that the teacher in me causes me to ask all the questions--inquiry learning and application, people.) It's no wonder God ever gets a word in edge wise with me. That's probably why God sends me such strong, opinionated friends and slap in the face events. I'm not quiet enough to listen. I then saw this quote on Pinterest this morning.

 

I love that this version says, "Let all that I am." That means every being-every ounce of me. This reminds me of when I went to see my brother in Greenwood the other weekend. We were sitting in the pew at the church service, listening to people give their testimony. A man in front of us stood up to give his. I had already had a previous conversation with this man earlier and he was an interesting character to say the least. And I think the quote he used was, "I didn't know God could save a sinner like me. I was just a singing Elvis impersonator, who was grinding on the weekends." One look at my brother, and we lost it. Well, of course, I could not stop giggling to myself. While I was so thrilled the Lord saved him, I was red in the face where I was trying to stifle my giggle and try not to shake the whole pew from laughing. My aunt left a nice little pinch mark on my arm like they used to do when you are 6 years old, misbehaving during the church service.

 

My point being, I had to use all of me to not just combust with laugher on that pew. And I have to remember that my same being, I have to control myself to be quiet before the Lord. Every ounce. Every being. Every question. I must wait. It's hard to sit and be quiet and to listen. And the verse says before  God. If I could conjure up an image of me and God, it would be something like this. Him, sitting in His chair, with a peaceful smile. Me, sitting cross legged at his feet, sipping my coffee and just being quiet, telling myself to shut up. Almost like playing the quiet game. And just waiting. And waiting. And waiting. And remembering that my hope is in him. When I constantly question what God does in my life, it's almost like I am not fully trusting him. That I am not putting my hope in him. While I think we should ask questions, we shouldn't question God's plan. And lately, I've been questioning God's plan and will for my life. 

 

What is so amazing is that God is so patient. How often do we lose our patience with people? Especially stupid people. As a teacher, you have to learn to deal with "that student" that constantly ask questions. And I always calmly look at "that student" and say, "If you let me finish, your question will be answered. May I continue, please?" And of course, that eager student says, "Yes! Go!" I am just that eager student, that wants to know what comes next. I am always thinking three steps ahead. God is that teacher just smiling, calmly saying, "If you let me finish, your question will be answered. May I continue, please?" Yes, you may. I will be quiet and wait.