Just let me be selfish for five minutes, ok?

     The last three weeks have been a complete blur, and I have felt like I'm not quite sure what to expect next.

    In short: Newbie took a job as Assistant Coach to the Men's Golf at Ole Miss. He moved there this past week.

    When Newbie applied and told me about the job, I was hopeful for him but in the back of my mind I thought, "Ole Miss. I mean, Newbie is good from what I hear as a golfer (ha!) but really, God? Mississippi? Nah." Then the interviews started coming and each week brought the possibility of Ole Miss becoming a reality. It was time for the final interview with Newbie flying out to Ole Miss for a couple of days. Luckily, I had Lo's shower to keep me occupied and mind off the fact that he could be moving to Mississippi for good. A few short days later on a Tuesday, that could turned into would. When I received the phone call, I was sitting the library during lunch. As I hung up, I felt tears stream down my cheek. I immediately thought, "How pathetic am I? Get it together, Stro." And that's just what I did.

   We quickly found out that he would be leaving the next week, which really threw us into this whole, "Is this really happening? Where does this leave us?" I really struggled with the fact and balance of being the supportive girlfriend and being selfish to want to keep him here in Spartanburg. I never once uttered the word, "Stay" because I knew that would be wrong. Instead, knowing Newbie's desire to move up in the coaching college world, I repeatedly said the word, "Go." Here is his opportunity to do great things without having to be responsible for a family. Why wouldn't he go? I made a promise to myself that I would do whatever I needed to do to help him get to Mississippi.

    Meredith, knowing my true personality and what was going through my head, she reminded me that I needed to be positive when speaking with Newbie about this "exciting! new! adventure!" but if I were ever want to vent (or cry) to be sure to speak with her or any of our other friends and not just hole up like I usually do. For the most part-- I was ok throughout that week. I kept my feelings in check when I would talk to Newbie or when I would see him. The Saturday before he left, we were sitting in his apartment having our typical lay-on-the-couch-and-veg night. As we were talking about his upcoming move, I started to cry. Knowing Newbie hates to see girls cry, I tried to keep it under control and not completely lose it from keeping it in all week. Plus, when I cry-that rarely happens.Well, I tried to hide it at first but that was dumb of me to do. He starts questioning why I am crying because "it's not like it's the end for us." I told him, "Just let me be selfish for five minutes, ok! I have been so good this last week. Just let me cry!" And he did because sometimes a girl just has to let it go.

    I think what has scared me the most about Newbie leaving is the thought of having another long distance relationship. My one-hour-away-long-distance relationship obviously did not work. If I couldn't make a relationship work that was one hour away, how can I possibly do 7 plus hours with a career that takes him traveling for several weekends in a row throughout the year?  Reading that makes me sound like I don't have hope or trust in mine and Newbie's relationship. I do but sometimes when you feel like you are going against the wind, you get tired of pushing. I had finally found a relationship that I was comfortable in and was progressing at a strong, quick rate. Feelings were developing at a much stronger rate that I ever thought could happen. What was once a huge wall had been knocked down slowly over time and I felt exposed. Our weekends together have gone from Friday Mexican date nights-Saturday veg nights-Sunday naps to having to plan out weekend visits a month in advance. It's like I'm that kid that just sits down in the middle of the store and refuses to move. I wasn't sure where I stood with Newbie prior to the move, but once I found out that we would be hours apart--emotions and feelings rose in me that I didn't now was there. My best friend, partner in crime, and buddy was leaving me.

    However, in order for this relationship to even have a chance in surviving, I know I will have to give it an honest effort. I have to trust Newbie. I have to trust myself. I have to trust God. As many times I have prayed for Him to close the door to this relationship, God has left it opened. I have to be willing to take a backseat for a little bit to Newbie's career. I am going to have to learn a whole new level of understanding. I didn't have a lot of that at the beginning of meeting and hanging out with Newbie, but now it's different because my feelings are different. Communication just got taken to a whole other level. I feel like Newbie and I have done more talking in the last three weeks than we have done in the last 3 months. Looking ahead to seeing him again and replaying our last few days together is what has gotten me through the last day or two.

   There have been moments where I have been more positive about this-knowing that this is just short term and isn't forever. Receiving his excited messages, pictures, and hearing his "When you get here, we're going to..." thoughts ease me. I am so incredibly proud of Newbie and honestly, jealous that he has this opportunity. An opportunity to leave Spartanburg and go somewhere to live and do what he loves in a town that we have never experienced before--starting something new! Newbie's opportunity called him to Mississippi. My opportunity is still here in Spartanburg. And our relationship lies somewhere between. I know that everything little thing is gonna be alright. But if one more person tells me, "If it's meant to be, it will be" then I am going to punch them in the throat.

   Here's to blogs about roadtrips to MS and giving this whole long distance relationship thing another try. I'm not a quitter. You fight for what you want, right?

Sometimes a girl just needs to be rescued.

    Today was not my day. It was one of "those days." And I guess looking back it wasn't a horrible day. It could have been much worse. However, it just started off wrong.

   Looking forward to my 2 hour delay, I was excited to be able to sleep in. Yesterday I had been fighting a fever and sore throat, so I pretty much slept all yesterday afternoon and night. I wasn't in the best mood (still really not). I woke up at 7:30, praying school had just been canceled. But nope. So I dragged my sorry tail out of bed and got dressed. My brother, being the kind hearted soul that he is, went to heat up my car.

   Dead battery. Why flippin' me. Running late, I had no choice but for my brother to take me to school like I was middle school again--dropping me off and picking me up. Brother to the rescue!

   When I got home, my car still would not start. Luckily, another friend of mine was just a street over and he was able to start my car with some jumper cables. Billy to the rescue! Fingers crossed that it will start again in the morning.

   But, at that point of the day, I just wanted to cry. I was whiny. I had on my sad face and sulked to washing dishes (a strange activity I like to do when I am thinking or upset about something). I am thankful that my brother and Billy were there to help. It just made me realize that I cannot do everything on my own. Sometimes you just have to accept the defeat and be rescued.

   Any woman can say that she doesn't need a man to help her get stuff done. Been there, done that, said that. There are times though it is just nice to set back and let a man do something for you...and there are some things that they are better at, like cars. Yeah. I said it. They are better at some things. Key word: some things. Anyways, I can act like I do not need a man to help with taking down my Christmas tree or laying pine needles in the front and back yard. I can pretend like I don't need a man to cut my grass or lift a heavy box for me. But, would it be nice if a man did it for me? Of course. Maybe I am not vocal enough to tell a guy each time that I would like for him to do something for me. I guess that goes back to pride. And sometimes I just like that element of surprise of a man doing something kind or out of the ordinary for me to show that he was thinking of me and trying to help me. Unfortunately, sometimes a guy doesn't get those hints or ideas on their own. That's a whole other blog post. The point is, when the action from a guy is an unexpected surprise or we asked that you do it for us--we notice it. We take note. We appreciate it. Or at least, I know I do. 

   Am I a damsel in distress every day? Definitely not. But I do have my days and moments when I liked to spoiled or just have the burden lifted off my shoulders for a little bit. Especially when it comes to cars. I freak out when my car isn't working like it should. It's nice to crawl up in the arms of a man that cares for you, let you cry a tear or two and comfort you. Ok. That sounded pathetic. But I'm still having my moment ok? I'll just eat a Reese Tree, drink a cold glass of milk, and crawl into bed with another episode of One Tree Hill on Netflix. Let me be.

"Well, Jessica! You could be homeless right now!" -My mother, the encourager

   Update: Woke up Wednesday morning to no water due to frozen water pipes. Someone give me another Reese tree.