The Little Things... Starting with Prayer

   Today in church I saw the smallest little gesture at the end of the service. I am pretty sure no one else saw this, as it was during prayer time. And I am sure this husband did not think it was a big deal, but I picked up on it. As our pastor was ending in prayer, I was bowing my head and I caught a movement to my right. As I glanced over, I noticed that a husband had wrapped his arms around his wife's shoulders, and whispering a prayer in her ear, fervently. I don't know what prayer was he praying; whatever it was must have been a sweet, merciful prayer because as he prayed, tears streamed down her face. I couldn't help but stare. He did this throughout the whole closing prayer. It's not uncommon to see couples go down to the front alter and bow together to pray. Or see couples join hands during prayer. But to see this couple, off to the side, praying quietly with the husband leading the prayer was absolutely powerful and touching.

    This image has stuck with me all day. How blessed is that woman that her husband--who without shame, would wrap his arms around her and whisper a prayer in her ear, not caring who noticed, or who even heard his prayer. I would think that this is an indication of their prayer life. I would like to think he prays for his family like this each day. Maybe he wraps his arms around his wife each night before bed and prays. Maybe he does the same for his children, and even his grandchildren. A praying husband is a powerful blessing to have in a marriage that is based on Christ.

    Instantly, I prayed "God, send me a husband like that. A husband that will wrap his arms around me, whisper prayers in my ears that would bring sweet tears to my eyes. Tears of joy, tears of appreciation, tears of love." Knowing that God is going to give me a man who not only loves me as deep as Christ loves me, but that will also lift me up in prayer on a daily basis is one of the most humbling, enduring treasures I cannot wait to experience.

   I don't know who my husband is for God has not exactly revealed this yet (for I keep telling myself God is a god of perfect timing). But I would hope that my husband, whoever or wherever he is, is praying a passionate, truthful, honest prayer for God's will in my life and his life. I came across a great blog called Paul's Ponderings. He wrote a post on how a Christian man can pray for his girlfriend and for God's will to be done in her life and also in his. You can find it here. Definitely worth for all men and women to check out.

  So, as I thought about that couple today and I look at where I am right now I am reminded: that couple-- that praying couple-- that is what I long for, that is what God has planned for me one day. I just know it. This I pray...

"...we have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding..." Colossians 1:9-10

  

  

What date night?

    As I was scrolling through Pinterest tonight, I noticed several pinners have pinned links to different "date" activities. One said, "50 almost free date night ideas!" Another said, "31 different date nights for each day of the month." And my current favorite, "50 Fun Fall Date Ideas." Now, I'm not knocking these date ideas or websites because I think some of them are honestly legit good ideas for couples. But then it got me thinking, "What does a date night look like?" Or rather, "What constitutes a date?"

   When you are in a relationship, the girl always looks forward to a date night with the one she is seeing. I know I do. I'm not hinting that the guy doesn't look forward to it-- I just think the guy looks at it in a rather different light: make plans, show up, hang out, take the girl out, the end. But a girl likes a little bit of effort, even if it means you just picking out the restaurant to dine at for the evening.
For example, I always hated the dreaded, "Where do you want to eat?" conversation. Just pick a flippin' place. If I don't want it, then I will let you know. My current "date" is pretty good in this department. He picks the place, and I just go with it. It's been refreshing. But, there are other times where his ADD mind has caused us to go to four different parking lots because he's not sure just where he wants to eat. But, we typically have our four basic places we like to dine at, so it's not usually a traumatic process.

    Lately, I have heard so many couples (married and dating couples) complain that they just have not had time together. I had MA tell me today she probably saw her husband for a total of 6 hours this past week. I had a coworker tell me that she probably spoke a total of 5 sentences to her husband in one day. Another friend's husband is going back to school so she feels like she's been pushed to the back burner lately. Another friend is dating a guy that is an engineer at Clemson. She said it was over two weeks before they finally were able to spend some time together the other day. Life is ridiculously busy. With my new "date interest," our schedules completely conflict. It's been a struggle to find the time and the energy to see one another at least one night during the week/weekend. The last couple of Friday nights I have deemed "Friday Date Night."  Last night we were able to hit downtown Greenville, which we have never done together. We were like two little kids-- excited to leave work behind, grab some dinner with some fun friends and just make a night out of it (which I have to say, it was one of the better Friday nights I have had in a while). We try to make plans a couple days before to see one another and just take a night off from the drama we call work. And, it has been amazingly nice. I found myself looking forward to getting through the week and just enjoying that one-on-one time that we don't get a lot during the week. It doesn't always happen, but we try.

   And I don't think it's that people don't want to see each other. Life gets in the way. That's just it. It always gets in the way. But, we have to find a way to push life aside, make spending time and creating date nights as part of life. So I guess my essential question is, "What does a good date night look like?"

    I think this could go several ways. I love dressing up, throwing on my favorite jeans, boots, freshening up my make up and go out for dinner and a couple of drinks. I love being picked up, complimented on how nice I look, have a conversation with someone other than an eight year old, and made to just enjoy the night out. But even then, after a while, that gets old. That's where a good night in comes into place. A night in my sweats and a movie to watch on TV, with me falling asleep on the couch, wrapped up in a blanket. It's hard to not just collapse when you get home and not speak to one another. Especially when you have children. Then, it that case, planning a night out isn't as easy-- it ends up requiring so much more planning and becomes tedious.

   But, that's the thing-- date nights don't have to require a lot of planning. It can be nice to be surprised and have an elaborate date preplanned. But who says a date can't consist of you two carving a pumpkin or two one night (hint, hint, cough, cough)? Who says a date can't consist of you two sitting on the porch after the kids go to bed, talk and share a glass of wine? Who says you can't just decide to stay in, cook dinner and have a little dance party in the kitchen? And what about going to church on Sundays then having lunch afterwards at Wade's? Or, even better, take in a football game for the day or a quick trip to the mountains?

    When the routine is changed up, it makes you really appreciate your time together. When you do something new together, like go out with a group of friends that you don't typically see, you get to know that person in a whole new light. When you try something new, you see other quirks or sides of that person. And this is so important, especially when you are just starting to date a new person. You want to see how a person reacts in a certain situation. For example, the "date" and I were watching TV one night and our viewing channel landed on an episode of "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?" Little did I know how competitive he is and how competitive I can be in games-- it became our "thing" to do when we are hanging out. Which sadly, he has beat me every time. Astrology and random geography questions get me every time. I will win, one day.

   So, I think, just spending time together can constitute a date night. Anytime I would go out with someone a few times, my closest guy friends would say, "Ok, so has he taken you on a date? Has he treated you like the princess you deserve to be treated like? And a Mexican restaurant doesn't count." (Which by the way, I think it totally does.) And yes, we like to be taken out and wooed, but the comfort of the couch or a ride in the car is just as enjoyable (as long as the couch and the house doesn't become a common date area). Make time for one another to do something fun, to spend time together. You each deserve it. If time isn't possible during the week, go ahead and make plans for something fun to do when a free night opens up. Make each other a priority.

   And if you're single and not dating anyone--girl, I know how you feel. Just go ahead and take yourself out on a date. Get some Outback take out, or my personal favorite, a feast of Mexican food and just lay it all out on the table and indulge. Treat yourself to a new pair of boots (did that Thursday) and a hot afternoon coffee (did that Wednesday). Pamper yourself. Dating yourself sounds crazy. But, those moments are when you learn the most about yourself. Hmm. I'm thinking I may have to look into expanding that thought in the near future...

   Date nights. It can be as simple as you want it, or it can be as elaborate as you wish it to be. But as long as you are spending any quality time with someone you care for, call it a date. And if you're stuck on ideas, don't worry-- Pinterest has your back, or rather your dates, covered.

It's just a waiting game.

There is a question that has always bugged me when it comes to dating. It's a question that every girl frets over. I'm pretty sure I have mentioned this question before in previous posts. However, tonight, I want to really focus on this one question that every girl asks her self, that every guy ponders over (even if he will never truly admit it) and that is easily one of the most argumentative questions in the dating world. Let me set the scenario.

Boy and girl are set up through mutual friends. So essentially, it is a blind date. Boy and girl hit it off. Enjoy a festival around town on a Saturday afternoon. Take in a late afternoon football game at a local bar and grab a couple of drinks. The date lasted longer than just a couple hours. Girl is very pleased and happy. When departing, girl tells guy, "I had fun." Guy responds with, "Yeah, I did too. I will call you." Guy reports back to friends that he had a great time and will definitely call her again.

Over a week passes and no call. No follow up. Nothing.

Hmm. This makes me mad for the girl.

We try to keep in mind of the three day rule, which I think is complete BS. "You shouldn't call a girl in less than three days after a first date." More on this in a minute.

We try to keep in mind of his job (coach) and how schedules for coaches right now can be busy and demand a lot of time and attention. I give some leeway in this department because dating a coach can require a lot of patience, understanding, and...well knowing that you are not a top priority during the season (because it's not easy being put on the back burner).

Boys. Men. What do you think? What is the appropriate time to contact a girl after a first date? Do you stick to the three day rule? If so, you are doing nothing but causing stress and anxiety not only on the girl's part but also on yours. What is the point in waiting? So you don't seem so anxious? What is wrong with showing a girl that you are interested in her? We aren't saying that we expect to be asked out in the next three days; contact, however, would be nice. In today's technology driven world, you can't tell me a little text or quick phone call isn't feasible in your busy schedule. We are just as busy as you are--teaching, volunteering, extra curricular activities (because 30 year olds can have those, too). And when we see your tweets, Facebook posts-- don't tell us you have been busy. Not that you aren't free to tweet or Facebook, but girls do look at this. Contrary to popular belief, we do not want to have an hour long conversation with you every night before bed. Are you kidding me? I have been talking all day. The last thing I want to do is talk to you for an hour like 13 year olds and argue who is going to hang up first. And honestly, personally, if I haven't heard from you in more than three days, I am moving on. I do not have time to be waiting around on your call, wondering if you are interested, if we will go out again, or whatever foolishness comes after that.

But we do want to hear from you-- if you said you were going to call. If you didn't mean it, don't say it for heaven's sake. It's not that hard. If you are busy, be honest. A simple, "Hey, I had a great time. I am really swamped with {blank} this week but let's plan to get together next Friday for a late drink." If you are a fly by the seam of your pants kind of guy and like to do things at the last minute-- that's not going to work when you are first dating a girl. You have to make an effort to plan in advance for a while. I know I know. You have to actually put forth effort and plan. But God blessed you with the manhood, so act like a gentleman who cares. And if you are truly busy, then don't even bother going out on a date with a girl. Honestly. Because if you know that you do not have time for a dating relationship, you need to be up front with her or not even entertain the thought of dating (I am hoping this isn't going to bite me in the butt right now). IF you feel that you can juggle work, extra curricular activities and dating, be ready to juggle it all fairly. Make an honest effort and plans to see that girl. I say this all the time: If you really want to see someone or be with someone, you will make time. You make time for you who want to see.

I am still a true believer that the guy should pursue the girl. He should make contact. He should plan dates consistently. Then after a while, I deem it ok for a girl to make contact first every once in a while-- put forth effort in also pursuing the guy's heart (which has been my recent challenge). It's just that tricky balance that will eventually even out in a healthy, equal relationship. But until then...

Guys. Seriously. You better make a move. Because while you think you left a great first impression, that second impression you are giving right now is not getting you anywhere.

Holy crap.

It's been forever since I have blogged. When school started, my free time/relaxing time went out the window. Along with the new school year starting and new stress being added, I started my work out routine. During the summer, I always seem to fall off what I should be doing. But when school starts, I know I need to push all that towards something.

Enter...Studio B: Barre and Pilates. Robin introduced me to the class, Nancy bought me a month gift certificate to try it out-- and I was hooked. The first class I thought, "I am going to kill Robin and Nancy." But, once I started feeling the results and soreness it-- I wanted to keep going back. I was bending, stretching, and balancing my body that I didn't know I could do. Now, I'm not great at it. I've only been doing it a month. But I look Robin, who has been doing it a while, and she is still breaking a sweat, if not more, than I am. So that tells me that the class still continues to challenge and stretch your muscles.

The day I don't do barre class, I do cardio. I try to run in the mornings before school. So with all that combined, I am halfway to my fitness goal. My brother said he has noticed a little less junk in my trunk.

I love how I feel after working out. While I am seeing results in my clothes, I am feeling a difference in my energy and attitude. Last year, when I found myself newly single, I remember rocking in Robin's thinking chair after school. I was kind of whining and being pathetic, in all honestly. She then looked at me and told me to suck it up and bring my running clothes the next day. That was when we started our runs around Dorman at least three days a week. After a couple weeks of running, I noticed my attitude changed. When I don't work out or release some tension, I start to feel overwhelmed, incapable, and stressed to the max. It's not a good feeling.

However, the best feeling was today. My whole body was sore from class yesterday, plus the five hours I worked in the yard. Knowing I was having to pull up my shorts from falling down, and hearing my mom say, "Wow, Jess. You look great." That was worth it. Hearing the men next door say, "Dang-- that girl knows how to run circles around her yard." Yeah, I could have collapsed on my couch for the whole Sunday afternoon, but my yard would look like a complete mess. Overgrown, that needed weeding and some life brought back to it. So on the outside, it looks fabulous. Just don't walk inside. That's another story.

There's a cold front coming through. Oh wait, that's just Jess.

    I'm a nerd. Want to know why? I bought season tickets to the Dorman games this year...again. I know, I know. But, it's kind of become a Friday night highlight social event each week. There are about four rows of us, about six families that always go together. We get the same seats each year--50 yard line, second row from the front. Sometimes we tailgate before. Other times we go eat before the game. Our little gang has grown each year.

    Friday night I was catching up with my friend Ali. Her kids went through RES and we met through a mutual friend, who also is part of our little Friday night gang. I haven't really had the chance to hang out with Ali lately so we were catching up on life. Like most married women, Ali was asking about my...wait for it...wait for it... my dating life. I don't know why every one finds it so intriguing. I don't think it's very interesting. If anything, it's quite...boring. She was asking if I was seeing anyone, how other past dates have panned out, or any interests or potential dates. I filled in her on some summer escapades and other random adventures that I have found myself in (I use the term adventures loosely). I was telling her about my rule of "I don't call or text first. IF I do, it's very random." I guess I am more old school. If a guy is interested, he will pursue me I think that has gotten lost over the last decade. Especially with technology, where a text can be sent, received, read, and responded to in less than 15 seconds. Why put myself through that torture of texting a guy and him not responding, leaving me wondering what the HECK he could be doing for him to not respond to me--or worse, decline my invitation of hanging out. (On a side note: dating through technology is the devil.) I guess, now that I think about, I am just trying to save myself from rejection because we all know it sucks.

   When I told Ali my rule, she got kind of quiet. And then she just looked at me. She then made the comment, "Are you sure you're giving off the vibe that you're interested? Because sometimes, that may come across that you're not if you don't keep in touch with him." I thought about it and said, "I don't think so. If he wants to be with me, he'll contact me and make an effort." Ali then replied, "True. But sometimes, you are hard to read. Heck, even I have a hard time reading you sometimes. Maybe you not calling or texting is showing him that you're not really interested or care." And I thought about that.

    Am I being hard to read? Am I playing hard to get? Then, Ali commented, "You like being the challenge." I do like the challenge. I do like knowing that someone has to work to be with me. But, do I make it too difficult sometimes? I believe there should be a guard up. But, is it more of a guard or has it become The Great Wall of China? Girls, at what point are we just guarding our hearts, or are we being too much to handle?

   My brother has always said I can be the most loving, sweet girl. But, when I am finished with you, and if I don't really care to talk to you any more-- I can come across as a total witch and cut you off completely. It's a Castro thing. My grandfather is like that. My dad is like that. I'm like that. I get it honest. And I guess that is what makes it hard to read me. It's not that I don't like you. When I'm over a situation or someone, I move on. In high school, I used to have so many people say that they were intimidated by me because I looked pissed off all the time. No, that's wasn't a pissed off look. I was just in deep thought.

     Maybe I should be more "warm." But, geez, I'm not a kitten. It's hard finding that balance. You don 't want to come across as that clingy girl that just becomes obsessive. But you don't want to be that girl that is too high maintenance. I don't know. I know I will find my groove and balance with the right person. However, until then-- sometimes are worth waiting for and worth fighting for. It just depends on how much of a fight you want to put up.

Hocus Pocus! Everybody Focus!

   Today...or rather this week...I felt like a hamster on a spinning wheel. I felt like I wasn't really getting anywhere in the classroom or at home. From the moment I would wake up in the morning until I went to bed, I was constantly moving. Being out last Friday put me off my schedule. So, most of Monday and Tuesday included me busting tail in the classroom with the kiddos so we would not stay behind come Tuesday when we get back from Labor Day break. And let me tell ya--we did it. We were at our wits ends by the end of the day today. However, my kids picked up their pace and kept up with me. I can breathe a little better come Tuesday.

    While I was constantly going, going, and going all week-- I missed a few workouts. Has that ever happened to you? And you can feel your body needing to release SOMETHING or you are just going to absolutely snap. I set my alarm this morning, hoping to hit the gym before school. But, when it went off at the cruel hour of 5 AM, my body would not move. I just couldn't do it. It was begging for that extra hour of sleep.

    So I caved. We slept in til 6 AM. Ha- what a joke.

    With that, I forced myself to leave school by 3:30 this afternoon. I knew if I didn't walk out the door, I would get sucked into the work that needed to be done and find myself there until 5:30. I was determined to get to the gym before my evening started. I walked through the gym doors by 4:15.

    As I got on the treadmill, I was looking forward to some alone time-- just me and LeCrae on the Pandora. I picked a treadmill with a TV, just hoping to zone out on a HGTV show for the next 45 minutes. And run...to run like my 21 students were behind me, chasing me, forcing me to eat pepperoni pizza and do the Sid Shuffle just one more time before the weekend started.

   I started running. I turned on the TV and it was kind of fuzzy. I thought to myself, "Well, what's up with this? This isn't cool." I tried to change the channel, and it just went blank. "Isn't this great?" I thought to myself. I can't switch treadmills now. I'm already running. If I switch, I look like that girl that is somewhat lazy and can't focus on doing just one thing--she just HAS to have that TV. So, I turned off the TV and just ran. I was forced to watch myself in the screen of the blank TV because it was blocking the window in front of me. I am an avid people watcher, but I was on the front row of treadmills. This left people behind me watching me and my big butt. So I knew I really needed to keep up the pace. As I ran, I found myself slowly increasing my speed and incline. The first mile was tough because I kept thinking, "I cannot believe I am going to be staring at myself for the next half hour." But, then I kind of got in a groove, and just zoned out to the music. Before I knew it, I hit my two mile stride. Say what?? My friends tell me I am dramatic runner-- I am always crying, moaning, or throwing a fit because I hate feeling my body being pushed to the next level. Being in a gym, I can't do that. Not everyone can see that insane side of myself personality. So, I had to contain it. At this point, I can feel the sweat forming a puddle on my lower back and in my sports bra.

    I told myself, "You can't stop. Focus. Move it. You have a line of full treadmills behind you, four of them with 60 year old men on there. You can't let them show you up!!" So I increased my speed a little bit more. And stared at myself for a little bit longer. (Which by the way, when you have to stare at yourself in a screen, you notice your how ugly your face looks while running. Grossie) As I hit the 2.5 mark, I wanted to stop. But I knew I would hate myself for stopping short of three miles. Now, for you avid runners, you're probably thinking, "Oh wow. Three miles. You're so advanced." Hey- we all gotta start somewhere. And believe me, this is huge for me-- I haven't done three miles in over a month or two. As I neared the three mile mark, I felt my side starting to cramp, my breathing was getting raspy, and my shirt was becoming very uncomfortable. When I hit my three mile mark, I immediately began my cool down--thankful to have the speed knocked down to a gentle jog then walking pace. I was so proud of myself. I could have easily gave up at the first mile mark and said, "Ok. Done. Going home to nap." But I was so out of it, just thinking and not really paying attention, I realized how much farther I had gone than normal.

    In the shower, as I was nursing my legs and shoulders, secretly dreading Pilates tomorrow morning, I started thinking about my workout. If the TV had been on, would I have gone as far as I did tonight? Or would I have gotten distracted, slowed down, and not pushed myself? I am going to go with the fact that I would have stopped way before the three mile mark. Something about staring at myself in the face. It forced me to move and keep going.

    How often do we get like this is our daily life? I know I get distracted easily. I try not to. But it's kind of hard when you have multiple friends that have undiagnosed ADHD. (Don't worry-- I have already diagnosed them and currently researching a medical drug that I could possibly find, create, or take so that I can keep up with them on a daily basis.) We all have goals--personally and professionally.  If not, you need to get you some. Goals are great thing to have--you see what you need to improve, reinvent, or push yourself to the next level. You may have a reward that you are looking towards in the end. I used to run with the image of "the boy" at the end of the finished line, holding my dream engagement ring. (I promise you-- I bet there are so many other girls that have had the same image. I was just brave enough to admit it.) But, then I realized, "Well, that's a stupid goal to run towards because I shouldn't have to chase after it." So, my image is now fitting into my favorite pair of J. Crew shorts--fitting into my favorite Charlotte Rousse worn jeans--toning my butt. Now, that is something I can run towards. But, my distractions? That extra glass of wine. The cheese and guacamole dip from Bronco's. That nap that my body is dying to have on a Wednesday afternoon at 4:30, knowing I should be doing something active. I truly believe you should treat yourself occasionally. If you deprive your body of those treats all the time, you are truly going to crash and burn when you have the first bite--you'll become a total glutton. And when that happens, you deal with it and move on because life doesn't stop to give you a tissue and pat your back. Instead it's going to trample on you and leave you in the dust.

    I recently read a quote by Rick Warren about distractions. He said, "We often confuse busyness with productivity and they aren't the same thing. If you keep going, going, going but you aren't spiritually growing, growing, growing. You are busy, not productive."

   Bam. Well said, Rick. Worries, money, and earthly pleasures distract us from God's greatness and His will for our life. This past Sunday, Pastor Mike preached on Jesus being the vine, and us being the branches--a story we have heard our whole life. Today, on my LeCrae Pandora station, one verse I heard was, "He's the vine. It may hurt at first when he cuts you back--but know it's going to be worth it in the end. Productive." Seeing the pattern?

    Our distractions become our weeds. I hate weeding my yard. I rather trim back all the bushes in my front and back yard than weed. But we have to do it. If I don't stay on top of it, then my flower bed has become a weed infestation. If we don't weed out our distractions or things that are hindering us from growing, we'll miss so stinkin' much. A busy mind can cause us to miss God's whisper. He doesn't have to come at you in some great, obvious way. I mean He can, but His whisper is a whole lot more enjoyable than Him slapping you back to reality.

   You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God,

you will receive what he has promised. {Hebrews 10:36}

can't wait.

     Saw this quote on Pinterest last tonight..and I love it. This morning it felt like fall outside. It made me so happy! Fall is my all time favorite season. That's when I feel the best about myself. I love that I can switch from Uggs and a big comfy sweater to my cowboy boots and a scarf with a hat. I love the pumpkin spice flavors that seem to pop up all over the place. I love the late nights on the porch, surrounded by candles, with my favorite porch blanket wrapped around me. I love excitement of football games. I love breaking out my favorite lightweight peacoats. I love that I no longer have to smell sweaty, hot, steamy body odor from my third graders. I love the colors--orange, black, brown, greens. I love Halloween and the spookiness of it.

     Fall. I am seriously ready for you to get here. I need the comfort of your crisp breezes, pumpkin spice lattes, and for my hair to chill out from the frizz and humidity.