There is a question that has always bugged me when it comes to dating. It's a question that every girl frets over. I'm pretty sure I have mentioned this question before in previous posts. However, tonight, I want to really focus on this one question that every girl asks her self, that every guy ponders over (even if he will never truly admit it) and that is easily one of the most argumentative questions in the dating world. Let me set the scenario.
Boy and girl are set up through mutual friends. So essentially, it is a blind date. Boy and girl hit it off. Enjoy a festival around town on a Saturday afternoon. Take in a late afternoon football game at a local bar and grab a couple of drinks. The date lasted longer than just a couple hours. Girl is very pleased and happy. When departing, girl tells guy, "I had fun." Guy responds with, "Yeah, I did too. I will call you." Guy reports back to friends that he had a great time and will definitely call her again.
Over a week passes and no call. No follow up. Nothing.
Hmm. This makes me mad for the girl.
We try to keep in mind of the three day rule, which I think is complete BS. "You shouldn't call a girl in less than three days after a first date." More on this in a minute.
We try to keep in mind of his job (coach) and how schedules for coaches right now can be busy and demand a lot of time and attention. I give some leeway in this department because dating a coach can require a lot of patience, understanding, and...well knowing that you are not a top priority during the season (because it's not easy being put on the back burner).
Boys. Men. What do you think? What is the appropriate time to contact a girl after a first date? Do you stick to the three day rule? If so, you are doing nothing but causing stress and anxiety not only on the girl's part but also on yours. What is the point in waiting? So you don't seem so anxious? What is wrong with showing a girl that you are interested in her? We aren't saying that we expect to be asked out in the next three days; contact, however, would be nice. In today's technology driven world, you can't tell me a little text or quick phone call isn't feasible in your busy schedule. We are just as busy as you are--teaching, volunteering, extra curricular activities (because 30 year olds can have those, too). And when we see your tweets, Facebook posts-- don't tell us you have been busy. Not that you aren't free to tweet or Facebook, but girls do look at this. Contrary to popular belief, we do not want to have an hour long conversation with you every night before bed. Are you kidding me? I have been talking all day. The last thing I want to do is talk to you for an hour like 13 year olds and argue who is going to hang up first. And honestly, personally, if I haven't heard from you in more than three days, I am moving on. I do not have time to be waiting around on your call, wondering if you are interested, if we will go out again, or whatever foolishness comes after that.
But we do want to hear from you-- if you said you were going to call. If you didn't mean it, don't say it for heaven's sake. It's not that hard. If you are busy, be honest. A simple, "Hey, I had a great time. I am really swamped with {blank} this week but let's plan to get together next Friday for a late drink." If you are a fly by the seam of your pants kind of guy and like to do things at the last minute-- that's not going to work when you are first dating a girl. You have to make an effort to plan in advance for a while. I know I know. You have to actually put forth effort and plan. But God blessed you with the manhood, so act like a gentleman who cares. And if you are truly busy, then don't even bother going out on a date with a girl. Honestly. Because if you know that you do not have time for a dating relationship, you need to be up front with her or not even entertain the thought of dating (I am hoping this isn't going to bite me in the butt right now). IF you feel that you can juggle work, extra curricular activities and dating, be ready to juggle it all fairly. Make an honest effort and plans to see that girl. I say this all the time: If you really want to see someone or be with someone, you will make time. You make time for you who want to see.
I am still a true believer that the guy should pursue the girl. He should make contact. He should plan dates consistently. Then after a while, I deem it ok for a girl to make contact first every once in a while-- put forth effort in also pursuing the guy's heart (which has been my recent challenge). It's just that tricky balance that will eventually even out in a healthy, equal relationship. But until then...
Guys. Seriously. You better make a move. Because while you think you left a great first impression, that second impression you are giving right now is not getting you anywhere.
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