I'm a nerd. Want to know why? I bought season tickets to the Dorman games this year...again. I know, I know. But, it's kind of become a Friday night highlight social event each week. There are about four rows of us, about six families that always go together. We get the same seats each year--50 yard line, second row from the front. Sometimes we tailgate before. Other times we go eat before the game. Our little gang has grown each year.
Friday night I was catching up with my friend Ali. Her kids went through RES and we met through a mutual friend, who also is part of our little Friday night gang. I haven't really had the chance to hang out with Ali lately so we were catching up on life. Like most married women, Ali was asking about my...wait for it...wait for it... my dating life. I don't know why every one finds it so intriguing. I don't think it's very interesting. If anything, it's quite...boring. She was asking if I was seeing anyone, how other past dates have panned out, or any interests or potential dates. I filled in her on some summer escapades and other random adventures that I have found myself in (I use the term adventures loosely). I was telling her about my rule of "I don't call or text first. IF I do, it's very random." I guess I am more old school. If a guy is interested, he will pursue me I think that has gotten lost over the last decade. Especially with technology, where a text can be sent, received, read, and responded to in less than 15 seconds. Why put myself through that torture of texting a guy and him not responding, leaving me wondering what the HECK he could be doing for him to not respond to me--or worse, decline my invitation of hanging out. (On a side note: dating through technology is the devil.) I guess, now that I think about, I am just trying to save myself from rejection because we all know it sucks.
When I told Ali my rule, she got kind of quiet. And then she just looked at me. She then made the comment, "Are you sure you're giving off the vibe that you're interested? Because sometimes, that may come across that you're not if you don't keep in touch with him." I thought about it and said, "I don't think so. If he wants to be with me, he'll contact me and make an effort." Ali then replied, "True. But sometimes, you are hard to read. Heck, even I have a hard time reading you sometimes. Maybe you not calling or texting is showing him that you're not really interested or care." And I thought about that.
Am I being hard to read? Am I playing hard to get? Then, Ali commented, "You like being the challenge." I do like the challenge. I do like knowing that someone has to work to be with me. But, do I make it too difficult sometimes? I believe there should be a guard up. But, is it more of a guard or has it become The Great Wall of China? Girls, at what point are we just guarding our hearts, or are we being too much to handle?
My brother has always said I can be the most loving, sweet girl. But, when I am finished with you, and if I don't really care to talk to you any more-- I can come across as a total witch and cut you off completely. It's a Castro thing. My grandfather is like that. My dad is like that. I'm like that. I get it honest. And I guess that is what makes it hard to read me. It's not that I don't like you. When I'm over a situation or someone, I move on. In high school, I used to have so many people say that they were intimidated by me because I looked pissed off all the time. No, that's wasn't a pissed off look. I was just in deep thought.
Maybe I should be more "warm." But, geez, I'm not a kitten. It's hard finding that balance. You don 't want to come across as that clingy girl that just becomes obsessive. But you don't want to be that girl that is too high maintenance. I don't know. I know I will find my groove and balance with the right person. However, until then-- sometimes are worth waiting for and worth fighting for. It just depends on how much of a fight you want to put up.
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