I'm quite the observer--people person watcher. Put me in a bar and I will size each person up and tell you their strengths and insecurities. It's my favorite game to play-- to create these scenarios and fake conversations with a friend with what's going down in a public place. There is so much you can learn from just watching people.
And one thing I noticed are the signs of a crazy girl. They even have that look in their eye. It's a wild, wide eyed look. Or its-a-lot-of-makeup-because-I'm-hiding-something look. I had a lot of guy friends growing up in high school, college and even after college. I loved hearing their dating nightmares and stories. Some were so mind blowing, I thought, "Do these girls truly exist? This cannot be true!"
Oh, but they do exist. One came across my path one night at the end of summer. Once I realized who she was, it all clicked.
Candice and I were out one night for some dinner and drinks. After a while, we were talking about what qualities a girl has that makes them intimidating for a guy. Not having much to choose from a place of dinning at the moment, we chose the best we could to approach. Candice dared me to approach one group, claiming I wouldn't do it. Don't tell me I won't do something because I will prove you wrong. So I approach these guys and proceed to talk to them and ask them questions. Not even being remotely interested in them physically, we ended up just carrying on a casual conversation. They were from The Springs and we ended up knowing some of the same people. Next, a girl approaches and throws herself into the middle of our conversation.
Rule #1-Do not throw yourself into the middle of a conversation. That is rude. Please don't prop your boobs and your body in the middle of a group of people because you want to make your presence known. We got it. Step back. Your perfume is killing me.
She instantly introduces her self as "Steve's" girlfriend. Well, hi to you "Steve's girlfriend." You look a little young, but ok. She isn't sure about my lack of being intimidating by her boobs so she stalks off. She returns composed and again, throws herself back into the conversation, but with her body draped over her boyfriend.
Rule #2-There is no need for the draping. You stated plain as day that he is your boyfriend. I am not even interested. Believe me. Besides, my own red flags were thrown up in my mind about him that you are obviously blinded to.
As we are were all talking I could feel her eyes just looking me up and down.
Rule #3-Don't stare. That's rude. I know you are sizing me up. But a true classy woman sizes other women up by being polite, warm, and charming. You my dear are being a ninny.
Knowing I need to charm my panties off of her, I try to bring her into conversation. As I am midway telling a story, she blurts out, "I know you but you don't know me."
Oh whoa. Wait-what? You never, ever start off saying that to someone you just met. I started racking my brain, trying to figure out how I knew her--her face didn't seem familiar, her name didn't ring a bell, she was obviously younger than me...
I begin to question her how she knew me. She starts off by saying Dorman. Right. Dorman has 3,000 students and that was 10 years ago. I was a quiet, reserved, sheltered girl in high school. Next. That's not it.
She then says, "You were best friends with Suttles." (Suttles was my best friend in high school, college, and still a very dear friend of mine til the day)
The conversation continues like this:
Me: "Oh yeah! Sutt Butt! Now, how do you know him again and know me? I'm still confused."
Steve's Girlfriend: "I went to Clemson with him. He talked about you all the time. I remember when you used to visit him and how you two were always together at Dorman."
Me: (still trying to remember a time I may have met this girl...nope) "Ohhh. Yeah. I used to take weekend trips down to visit him when I could. We've been best friends since we were 16. Did you hang out with Sutt in Clemson?"
Steve's GF: "Yeah. I was like his little sister!"
Me: "Oh really? Because I don't remember you being around." (whoops--sometimes, the words just come out)
Steve's GF: "Well, we just partied together. I guess you didn't party when you came down."
Me: "Yeah, not really. We liked to spend time together you know, visiting, not being drunk all weekend."
(The more she talks about her spending time with Sutt in Clemson, she starts to sound very familiar... I let her continue to talk)
Steve's GF: ."...but then he started dating Lauren. How come you two never dated? You are so much better than her."
Rule #4- Never cut down another man's wife or girlfriend, unless you have a legitimate reason to diss her. But even then, if you claim the man to be one of your close friends, you don't hate on her in public. You keep that crap private. Congrats--you just let me know you are jealous of her and trying to get me to put my foot in my mouth. But nope. I am much smarter than you, Blondie.
Me: "Oh no! Sutt and I were just best friends. We didn't want to ruin the relationship. But he is so happy with Lauren. She seems really sweet and good for Sutt. They called me on the way back from Charleston the weekend he proposed to tell me the good news before it hit Facebook. I was so excited for him!"
Steve's GF: (taken back that I didn't fall into her diss trap and that I was--shocking--happy for Sutt and that he never shared such details with her) "Oh. Well, did you get invited to the wedding? Because I didn't."
Me: "Yep. I cried--it was such a good wedding."
Steve's GF: "Oh did you wish it was you?" (touché, touché)
Me: "No, because again, it was one of my best friends getting married."
Rule #5- You obviously still have some unresolved feelings about this whole situation. And the fact that you knew all about mine and another friend's relationship, and so many facts about us--freaks even me out.
She is stumped at this point. As I am staring at her, I figure out exactly who this girl is. I instantly start to end our conversation and get the heck out of dodge. As I am leaving, I tell her it was nice to meet her and her boyfriend (who I think isn't being true to his true colors if you get my drift).
I call Sutt the next day and tell him about meeting this gem of a woman. Before I can finish my explaining, he is dying laughing because he knows exactly who this crazy girl. When Sutt was at Clemson, he admitted to hanging out with her. He said she always had a crush on him and was jealous of me (flag! flag!). One night, she broke into Sutt's apartment while he was sleeping and climbed into bed with him...without letting him know she was coming over.
Yep. Read that last sentence again. Who flippin' does that? Who breaks into a guy's apartment, unannounced, and climbs into bed with him, and thinks it's ok? Sutt said he about crapped on himself. Who wouldn't if you go to bed alone and find a warm body next to you in the middle of the night?
Ladies. Don't do this. Take a hint. Don't make a relationship out to be something that it isn't. And remember, guys talk. I have now successfully put a name with the face and know you, my dear, are not normal.
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