There's a cold front coming through. Oh wait, that's just Jess.

    I'm a nerd. Want to know why? I bought season tickets to the Dorman games this year...again. I know, I know. But, it's kind of become a Friday night highlight social event each week. There are about four rows of us, about six families that always go together. We get the same seats each year--50 yard line, second row from the front. Sometimes we tailgate before. Other times we go eat before the game. Our little gang has grown each year.

    Friday night I was catching up with my friend Ali. Her kids went through RES and we met through a mutual friend, who also is part of our little Friday night gang. I haven't really had the chance to hang out with Ali lately so we were catching up on life. Like most married women, Ali was asking about my...wait for it...wait for it... my dating life. I don't know why every one finds it so intriguing. I don't think it's very interesting. If anything, it's quite...boring. She was asking if I was seeing anyone, how other past dates have panned out, or any interests or potential dates. I filled in her on some summer escapades and other random adventures that I have found myself in (I use the term adventures loosely). I was telling her about my rule of "I don't call or text first. IF I do, it's very random." I guess I am more old school. If a guy is interested, he will pursue me I think that has gotten lost over the last decade. Especially with technology, where a text can be sent, received, read, and responded to in less than 15 seconds. Why put myself through that torture of texting a guy and him not responding, leaving me wondering what the HECK he could be doing for him to not respond to me--or worse, decline my invitation of hanging out. (On a side note: dating through technology is the devil.) I guess, now that I think about, I am just trying to save myself from rejection because we all know it sucks.

   When I told Ali my rule, she got kind of quiet. And then she just looked at me. She then made the comment, "Are you sure you're giving off the vibe that you're interested? Because sometimes, that may come across that you're not if you don't keep in touch with him." I thought about it and said, "I don't think so. If he wants to be with me, he'll contact me and make an effort." Ali then replied, "True. But sometimes, you are hard to read. Heck, even I have a hard time reading you sometimes. Maybe you not calling or texting is showing him that you're not really interested or care." And I thought about that.

    Am I being hard to read? Am I playing hard to get? Then, Ali commented, "You like being the challenge." I do like the challenge. I do like knowing that someone has to work to be with me. But, do I make it too difficult sometimes? I believe there should be a guard up. But, is it more of a guard or has it become The Great Wall of China? Girls, at what point are we just guarding our hearts, or are we being too much to handle?

   My brother has always said I can be the most loving, sweet girl. But, when I am finished with you, and if I don't really care to talk to you any more-- I can come across as a total witch and cut you off completely. It's a Castro thing. My grandfather is like that. My dad is like that. I'm like that. I get it honest. And I guess that is what makes it hard to read me. It's not that I don't like you. When I'm over a situation or someone, I move on. In high school, I used to have so many people say that they were intimidated by me because I looked pissed off all the time. No, that's wasn't a pissed off look. I was just in deep thought.

     Maybe I should be more "warm." But, geez, I'm not a kitten. It's hard finding that balance. You don 't want to come across as that clingy girl that just becomes obsessive. But you don't want to be that girl that is too high maintenance. I don't know. I know I will find my groove and balance with the right person. However, until then-- sometimes are worth waiting for and worth fighting for. It just depends on how much of a fight you want to put up.

Hocus Pocus! Everybody Focus!

   Today...or rather this week...I felt like a hamster on a spinning wheel. I felt like I wasn't really getting anywhere in the classroom or at home. From the moment I would wake up in the morning until I went to bed, I was constantly moving. Being out last Friday put me off my schedule. So, most of Monday and Tuesday included me busting tail in the classroom with the kiddos so we would not stay behind come Tuesday when we get back from Labor Day break. And let me tell ya--we did it. We were at our wits ends by the end of the day today. However, my kids picked up their pace and kept up with me. I can breathe a little better come Tuesday.

    While I was constantly going, going, and going all week-- I missed a few workouts. Has that ever happened to you? And you can feel your body needing to release SOMETHING or you are just going to absolutely snap. I set my alarm this morning, hoping to hit the gym before school. But, when it went off at the cruel hour of 5 AM, my body would not move. I just couldn't do it. It was begging for that extra hour of sleep.

    So I caved. We slept in til 6 AM. Ha- what a joke.

    With that, I forced myself to leave school by 3:30 this afternoon. I knew if I didn't walk out the door, I would get sucked into the work that needed to be done and find myself there until 5:30. I was determined to get to the gym before my evening started. I walked through the gym doors by 4:15.

    As I got on the treadmill, I was looking forward to some alone time-- just me and LeCrae on the Pandora. I picked a treadmill with a TV, just hoping to zone out on a HGTV show for the next 45 minutes. And run...to run like my 21 students were behind me, chasing me, forcing me to eat pepperoni pizza and do the Sid Shuffle just one more time before the weekend started.

   I started running. I turned on the TV and it was kind of fuzzy. I thought to myself, "Well, what's up with this? This isn't cool." I tried to change the channel, and it just went blank. "Isn't this great?" I thought to myself. I can't switch treadmills now. I'm already running. If I switch, I look like that girl that is somewhat lazy and can't focus on doing just one thing--she just HAS to have that TV. So, I turned off the TV and just ran. I was forced to watch myself in the screen of the blank TV because it was blocking the window in front of me. I am an avid people watcher, but I was on the front row of treadmills. This left people behind me watching me and my big butt. So I knew I really needed to keep up the pace. As I ran, I found myself slowly increasing my speed and incline. The first mile was tough because I kept thinking, "I cannot believe I am going to be staring at myself for the next half hour." But, then I kind of got in a groove, and just zoned out to the music. Before I knew it, I hit my two mile stride. Say what?? My friends tell me I am dramatic runner-- I am always crying, moaning, or throwing a fit because I hate feeling my body being pushed to the next level. Being in a gym, I can't do that. Not everyone can see that insane side of myself personality. So, I had to contain it. At this point, I can feel the sweat forming a puddle on my lower back and in my sports bra.

    I told myself, "You can't stop. Focus. Move it. You have a line of full treadmills behind you, four of them with 60 year old men on there. You can't let them show you up!!" So I increased my speed a little bit more. And stared at myself for a little bit longer. (Which by the way, when you have to stare at yourself in a screen, you notice your how ugly your face looks while running. Grossie) As I hit the 2.5 mark, I wanted to stop. But I knew I would hate myself for stopping short of three miles. Now, for you avid runners, you're probably thinking, "Oh wow. Three miles. You're so advanced." Hey- we all gotta start somewhere. And believe me, this is huge for me-- I haven't done three miles in over a month or two. As I neared the three mile mark, I felt my side starting to cramp, my breathing was getting raspy, and my shirt was becoming very uncomfortable. When I hit my three mile mark, I immediately began my cool down--thankful to have the speed knocked down to a gentle jog then walking pace. I was so proud of myself. I could have easily gave up at the first mile mark and said, "Ok. Done. Going home to nap." But I was so out of it, just thinking and not really paying attention, I realized how much farther I had gone than normal.

    In the shower, as I was nursing my legs and shoulders, secretly dreading Pilates tomorrow morning, I started thinking about my workout. If the TV had been on, would I have gone as far as I did tonight? Or would I have gotten distracted, slowed down, and not pushed myself? I am going to go with the fact that I would have stopped way before the three mile mark. Something about staring at myself in the face. It forced me to move and keep going.

    How often do we get like this is our daily life? I know I get distracted easily. I try not to. But it's kind of hard when you have multiple friends that have undiagnosed ADHD. (Don't worry-- I have already diagnosed them and currently researching a medical drug that I could possibly find, create, or take so that I can keep up with them on a daily basis.) We all have goals--personally and professionally.  If not, you need to get you some. Goals are great thing to have--you see what you need to improve, reinvent, or push yourself to the next level. You may have a reward that you are looking towards in the end. I used to run with the image of "the boy" at the end of the finished line, holding my dream engagement ring. (I promise you-- I bet there are so many other girls that have had the same image. I was just brave enough to admit it.) But, then I realized, "Well, that's a stupid goal to run towards because I shouldn't have to chase after it." So, my image is now fitting into my favorite pair of J. Crew shorts--fitting into my favorite Charlotte Rousse worn jeans--toning my butt. Now, that is something I can run towards. But, my distractions? That extra glass of wine. The cheese and guacamole dip from Bronco's. That nap that my body is dying to have on a Wednesday afternoon at 4:30, knowing I should be doing something active. I truly believe you should treat yourself occasionally. If you deprive your body of those treats all the time, you are truly going to crash and burn when you have the first bite--you'll become a total glutton. And when that happens, you deal with it and move on because life doesn't stop to give you a tissue and pat your back. Instead it's going to trample on you and leave you in the dust.

    I recently read a quote by Rick Warren about distractions. He said, "We often confuse busyness with productivity and they aren't the same thing. If you keep going, going, going but you aren't spiritually growing, growing, growing. You are busy, not productive."

   Bam. Well said, Rick. Worries, money, and earthly pleasures distract us from God's greatness and His will for our life. This past Sunday, Pastor Mike preached on Jesus being the vine, and us being the branches--a story we have heard our whole life. Today, on my LeCrae Pandora station, one verse I heard was, "He's the vine. It may hurt at first when he cuts you back--but know it's going to be worth it in the end. Productive." Seeing the pattern?

    Our distractions become our weeds. I hate weeding my yard. I rather trim back all the bushes in my front and back yard than weed. But we have to do it. If I don't stay on top of it, then my flower bed has become a weed infestation. If we don't weed out our distractions or things that are hindering us from growing, we'll miss so stinkin' much. A busy mind can cause us to miss God's whisper. He doesn't have to come at you in some great, obvious way. I mean He can, but His whisper is a whole lot more enjoyable than Him slapping you back to reality.

   You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God,

you will receive what he has promised. {Hebrews 10:36}

can't wait.

     Saw this quote on Pinterest last tonight..and I love it. This morning it felt like fall outside. It made me so happy! Fall is my all time favorite season. That's when I feel the best about myself. I love that I can switch from Uggs and a big comfy sweater to my cowboy boots and a scarf with a hat. I love the pumpkin spice flavors that seem to pop up all over the place. I love the late nights on the porch, surrounded by candles, with my favorite porch blanket wrapped around me. I love excitement of football games. I love breaking out my favorite lightweight peacoats. I love that I no longer have to smell sweaty, hot, steamy body odor from my third graders. I love the colors--orange, black, brown, greens. I love Halloween and the spookiness of it.

     Fall. I am seriously ready for you to get here. I need the comfort of your crisp breezes, pumpkin spice lattes, and for my hair to chill out from the frizz and humidity.

Knocked Out and Let Down.

     What a perfect first week of school. My kids are precious. They are funny. They are hard workers. They are motivated to learn. They have been kind!

     We have a new team of teachers. It's a new school year. It's a clean classroom. I have hit this week-full fledge head on.

    Come Thursday night, after a Mexican dinner with MB, those refried beans were not feeling too good on my stomach. At 1:30 Friday morning, I was jolted out of the bed to the bathroom for the next hour. Talk about jump starting a diet! (lost 2 pounds!!)

    Food poisoning.

    Are you serious? Food poisoning the first week of school? This is not happening. I ended up having to call in a sub because I just could not take any chances. I didn't want to get any of my kids sick and I didn't want to wear my body down more than it already was. I felt horrible. Not just horrible from the food poisoning but horrible for not being there the first Friday of the school year. I felt like I let my kids down. This resulted in me sleeping most of Friday away and staying in Friday night...like a loser.

   Later on that day, my good friend CPR from NC called to check up on me and to catch up. We were talking about friendships and how difficult it can be to stay in touch with a friend, especially when they are a good distance away. Just like with CPR, when I was spending almost every weekend in NC, we were together on the weekends almost (if not more) than I was with "the boy." Then, when I was no longer spending time in NC, I don't see her as much as I would like. For example, yesterday, she made the comment, "The new Longhorns opened but (her husband) is playing golf, and I have no one else to go with. But if you were here..." And I would have been at the Longhorn in a heartbeat if I could just so I could spend some one-on-one time with CPR again.

     But, it takes great effort on both parts to build a friendship and keep it in motion. Distance or no distance. And when we feel like a friend isn't making any effort in keeping the friendship going, we feel let down. I know this is a weakness of mine. I get so caught up in making sure that I hang out with this friend, and knowing I have another event to be at, and then I have to go to dinner with this group...I neglect some of the most precious friends and friendships. But how wonderful is it to have friends that offer grace and understand when things get hectic, you get out of place.

    I think it does come down to priorities. On Earth, who are your number one priorities? Or what are some of your top priorities? Family? Your job? Your friends? Your spouse? Your kids? Church? Where does it start? And where does it end? Obviously, your top priority should be your relationship with Christ. Where does that stand in comparison to everything else? I know for me, personally, it hasn't always been my top priority until the last year when I was knocked down and felt like the wind was knocked out of me. That was God's way of saying, "Boo-yah! Knocked you down. Now, get up and let me help you." My quiet moments early in the morning or late at night on my porch have become some of the most awakening moments of my life. Lately I have not been feeling the best about myself and my body. Last Sunday, I woke up at 7:30, wide awake. What in the world? I debated on going back to sleep or getting up. Something told me to get up, go to the porch, and just read--that there was something He wanted to show me. So I did just that and would you know, my whole quiet time was about being a Lady of Virtue. God knew what I needed. I could have easily rolled over and ignored God, but I knew He was priority. And if I didn't continue to keep him as my priority, then I was going to miss out on a blessing and a word that I was so desperately needing to hear.

    But, where do family and friends and work fall into that? Well, my priorities are obviously going to be slightly different than others. For me, I have no husband to come home to-- just my little Jozier. But your family has to come first. Then your friends and work. Sometimes your friends are your family. My single momma friend CL has a freshman daughter in high school. And I never seen someone sacrifice and work so hard to make her daughter a priority, give her what she needs and wants, and raise her to be the young woman she is today. Recently, they took a trip to the beach right before school started and CL didn't take her work stuff with her. It was just time for her and her daughter. And she commented that it was one of the best getaways she had with her daughter in a very long time. Often times CL would have to put herself on the back burner but as a mom, she knew what she needed and had to do. But, I have seen blessings come out of CL because of her sacrifice and honor her daughter-- and it's not the end, either. Kudos to you, CL, kudos!

    With the school year starting, sports and tournaments coming up, and the craziness that can comes with each new week, month, and year-- remember your priorities. Who are you spending time with? Are you making promises and keeping them? Are you equally setting time aside for Him, your family, and friends? Don't be the friend that let's others down. But, remain strong so you don't get knocked out.I know there are some areas I need to work on--some friends I need to do better at keeping in touch with--some family I need to spend more time with--and others that I need cut back time.

I just don't even know

    School started back this week. And my brain feels like it has been on overload. It feels like we have been in school for three weeks--and actually, it's only been two days.

    Lord, help me. My class has been the one the sweetest, most "normal" classes I have had in long time. It's kind of...weird.

    I'm not even sure what the purpose of this blog is tonight. I just kind of felt like I needed to write something.

    This past weekend I celebrated two of my best friends' birthdays- Lo's and Mer's. Both of these girls have been two of my best friends my whole childhood. I met Lo when were in Bethel Daycare together from early childhood. I met Mer on our first day of third grade--inseparable since then. And these girls--they have been some of the greatest friends I have ever had the privilege of knowing. We have seen each other grow up, graduate high school and college, get married (well, those two have gotten married), and started families. Honestly, I always thought I would be the first to get married and have kids (because I always wanted it so badly) but those two--they beat me to it. And I even hate to use the word "beat" because it's not a race. They married two wonderful men, who are like brothers to me. I don't know many people who would trust their husband with their best friend--but we are like a small family. Three couples, with a three year old, one baby on the way and I'm like that younger, free spirited sister that just does whatever she wants to do and is kept in line by the older three couples. Anyways, my point being, Mer and Lo--I love you two. Happy birthday! Two more years till the dirty 30! That year--it will be a whole celebration all around!

 Probably my favorite picture of Lo--ever. It's her picture when she calls, it's framed in my dining room, and I even think I have a copy at school. Get it girl.

oh, you stupid witch!

 BMW Golf Pro AM Wine and Dine

 Before Ben changed our world!

A girls' weekend away at Harrah's for LBT!

Jazz on the square.

Love these three girls. We may not be the most fancy girls, the best dressed, the richest, or loud mouth partiers. But we know how to love, support, laugh, cry. We make any situation a humorous, life learned lesson (more on that in a later post, achem).

 

     I feel like I need to have some profound post. But this school week (all two days of it) has taken all of me. However, I will say, I felt like I have a better since of "clarity" this school year. Officially, on my own. I feel like it's a year of changes. And I just know it's going to be my year. The number seven has always been my number. This is my seventh year teaching. So with that in mind, I just know it's going to be a great year. Sunday night, my aunt and uncle prayed over me at church at our Back to School Service. Having someone that you think highly of, respect, and love deeply pray over you is one of the best, tenderhearted, wholesome moments of your life. As my uncle prayed over me, and as my aunt whispered sweet prayers in my ears, tears streamed down my face. I felt a peace just come over me. I wasn't as anxious as I have been. I wasn't as stressed. I wasn't worried. I wasn't fearful. I heard God say, "Ok, Jess. Trust me. I will guide you--but you have to trust me." So, I trust. I trust that this year will be one of the better years I have had in a long time. I trust that this year God will stretch me--will change me. I trust that this year God is going to move big in my life. I trust that he is preparing me for something great--because I have been restless-- and I know it's going to be insane amazing. How do I know? Because he's that good--and he's just that type of God.

 

    With all that being said, I must retreat to my quiet place with The Jozier. I'm not sure when another "deep" post will hit me--maybe after I have refueled this weekend. I need a late morning in my bed, a belly full of laughs, and a lot of stress relief. After all, that's when God seems to speak to me the most and say, "See--you're ok. Look at how much happier you are in me, than you were in yourself."

 

     Ditto, God. Ditto. 



Keep Calm and Teach On

     I know, I know. Probably one of the most overused or emphasized statements that has been circling the "quote" world lately. But, it just seems so appropriate right now. This week, school started back--for teachers that is. It has been a time of seeing co-workers I have not seen over the summer, clean out the mess from last year, and take in the joys of a new year. This week has been insanely busy for us. We have added several special ed classes, hired several new teachers (two being in my grade level), and implementing new technology and curriculum. And just--wrapping my mind around the fact that I have to get actually dressed before 11 AM now.

     Luckily, I decided to keep my current classroom décor/theme for this school year...again. Which, really, I don't have a "theme." It's just...colors. Bright colors. With lights. And polka dots. And fabric. My poor ADHD kids.

     I am really looking forward to a new year. A new group of students. New curriculum. A new classroom set up. New co-workers. I am loving it! Tomorrow I meet my students-which typically ends up in a whirlwind of mess of papers, tons of questions, lots of smiling and sore feet. But, it's that jumpstart. I am excited to see old students and families. Which by the way, my first class will be freshman in high school. It completely blows my mind. I was hanging old class pictures by my door the other day, and I cannot believe how young they were! And how fresh faced and young I looked! Six years of teaching can age a person. I can't imagine what I am going to look like in 20 more years. Hello water, sunshine, and lots of protein!

     With each school year, I set new goals for myself. Personal goals and professional goals. Last year was a rough start because I was going through a lot in my personal life. I had to really learn how to balance out emotions. So at that point, it was just survival for the first few months. This year though I have nothing weighing be back or holding me down. I can really throw myself into my work, kids, and preparation. I sometimes complain about busting my tail, pulling 10 hour days at school, and then the load I have to bring home. But, the satisfaction and joy that comes from it--the success--knowing that I gave it every bit of ounce of energy, tried my best, refused to settle and refused to let my students settle and pushed my whole class to the max--the results are always worth it. Most of the time I walk out of my classroom, wanting to fist pump or just let loose. Then, of course, there are those times where I walk out with my tail between my legs, feeling defeated and just crawl into a hot bath and come up with a whole new game plan. A true teacher doesn't get defeated. He or she doesn't give up. They accept it as a challenge, tackle it, and keep right on pressing through the chaos. I am so flippin pumped! And you know me--I love a good challenge.

   So with that in mind, please remember all teachers not just this week, or next week then the students come, but...

   Remember them on that rainy day in October when they are stuck having indoor recess for the fourth day in a row.

    Remember that teacher that day before Christmas break--knowing he or she is so looking forward to the break but will be secretly missing and worrying about his/her students for the next two weeks.

    Remember that teacher on teacher work days. Yes, it's a day off from the classroom chaos but it is typically filled with parent teacher conferences, professional developments and spent just getting the classroom is some sort of order.

    Remember that teacher during flu season. At the point, she has probably had to deal with four or five students that have thrown up in the classroom in the middle of a lesson, with addition to catching up absent students on missing assignments. Not to mention, fighting the flu herself and having to stay healthy and of sane mind, convincing herself that she may have a 101.3 fever, she can still teach that lesson on the three types of rocks. At this point, it probably wouldn't be a bad idea to send in an extra box of tissue, hand soap, and Clorox wipes.

    Remember that teacher when a student is moved unexpectedly due to a bad home life. When he/she has to worry if that student is getting told at night that they are loved, important, and will do great things one day.

    Remember that teacher when it's January, and 40 degrees outside but with the wind it feels 32 degrees. She plays chicken with herself or other teachers to see how long they can make it outside, just to let the kids get their energy out. (We usually don't make it past 10 minutes, max.)

   Remember that teacher when a student still says, "I don't get it." And knowing she has taught three different ways on how to subtract across zeros with a four digit number, over and over and over. Or, how to explain reading fractions on a number line and why it is such an imperative skill to know (still haven't came up with a decent reason, six years later)! Let's not even get into teaching past, present, and future tense verbs with irregular endings. Need I say more?

    Remember that teacher when she finds out that three of her students have lice...for the third time for that school year (been there, done that, and got the flippin' tshirt last year...three times).

    Remember that teacher when a student throws a tantrum because him/her did not get their way. When a student throws a punch at another kid. When a student bursts into tears as soon as they walk in the door because they didn't get enough to eat at breakfast or their mom yelled at them as they were getting out of the car. When a parent refuses to accept responsibility and it leaves you wondering who is the parents and who is the child.

    Remember that teacher when it's testing time, as he/she crams for the state test all a while pumping the students up, feeding them an extra snack, and praying that everything they have worked toward and done over the year will truly show.

    Remember that teacher at the end of the year--as she finishing up permanent records, finalizing grades, cleaning out her room, and pretty much babysitting the last two-three weeks of school. And, as she says goodbye to her little gems, wishing them a great summer--all while knowing she only has two months to refuel and do it all over again.

    Teachers. You don't have to be an elementary school classroom teacher. You could teach middle school eighth grade science (God bless you, M.A.). You could be the P.E. teacher that taught the kids how to dribble a basketball ball the proper way. You could be the high school AP teacher that is preparing a classroom full of bratty know it all teenagers for the college world.You could be an administrator that has carried not only faculty and staff through another school year, but successfully protected 800 students in your care. You could be a coach, who has a new team, a new position, whom dreams of leading the team to several championships. You could be that parent--that is reviewing multiplication facts, teaching your child how to convert a decimal to a percentage, doing that SCIENCE FAIR PROJECT two days before it's due (did I just give you nightmares? Sorry).

    So, pray for us. Patience. Mercy. Knowledge. Wisdom. Discernment. Safety. Passion. Motivation. Compassion. Discipline. And most of all--love. Because after all, I am just doing what God has called me to do- teach and love. Teach them to love and show them how to love just as Christ as done for us.

"...Always work enthusiastically for the Lord, for you know that nothing you do for the Lord is every useless." 1 Corinthians 15:58

Touché Facebook, Touché.

Back in the middle of the summer I decided to take a hiatus from Facebook. I was spending too much time on there. Plus I was forming resentment towards others and their posts. It was getting to be too much. But my account kept getting re-activated because of some of my apps on my phone were registered through Facebook. Plus, I wanted to keep in touch with my new friends from the Nicaragua trip and share our pictures. However, I refuse to have the app on my phone to keep me from staying on Facebook all the time. Plus, I have enjoyed just stepping away from it all. But anyways, I log onto Facebook tonight to check a message from a friend, and this ad is the first thing that pops up. Oh, you know how to welcome me back with warm greetings Facebook. If I find myself in a rut or just wanting to try something new, Farmer's Only may be the next eHarmony.