It's not being called high maintenance. It's called having standards.

    I love scenarios. Let's set the scene, shall we?

    Boy and girl are dating. Boy is attracted to girl's looks and personality. Girl always looks good, put together and just all around, almost perfect. Boy is a gentleman--buys dinner, opens doors, treats girl to things she likes. Girl is being "wooed" and loves the attention. Girl starts to expect these things. When the newness of the relationship starts to ease off and grows very comfortable, Boy is not doing all the sweet, sentimental courtship acts he was performing at the beginning of the relationship. Girl becomes upset and frustrated. She deserves these things! She wants them, so she starts demanding them. Boy feels like crap, starts doing them but not because he wants to but he feels like he has to in order to keep the peace and keep Girl happy. It's an endless vicious cycle that leaves Girl growing more demanding and Boy feeling like he never measures up.

   Does this sound familiar? Lately, I have been giving this ideology of "high maintenance" versus "having standards" some serious thought. And, I think it's because lately I have heard Newbie say several times to me, "You are not high maintenance at all, thank God." At first, I took this as a compliment because I know I'm not, based on the definitions I have researched. But, then after a while I started thinking, "Wait a minute. Does that mean I don't have standards? Am I showing that I don't expect certain things? Am I being pushed over?" This has been a difficult pill to swallow lately and has made me step back and really look at some things.

   So, of course, I venture to the internet and research "high maintenance." Instantly, websites linking to "high maintenance women" fill my search results. Wow. I did not realize this was such an issue in a man's world. Newbie says it's because I'm independent. I say it's because I support myself and pay for my own crap. But anyways, AskMen.com had a quote that stuck out to me. High maintenance women are like high maintenance sports cars. They're lots of fun when you're out on the town together, but for every hour of showing off, there are another 10 spent on upkeep and repair behind the scenes. After hours of polishing the headlights in your garage, you might ask yourself — is this really worth it, just for a couple of rides? Leave it to a man's website compare us to a sports car (I wonder what kind I would be, was my next question). Yeah, high maintenance women are fun to show off--that trophy wife or girlfriend. But behind the scenes--yikes! Is she really that great to be with? When all the make up is gone and the money is spent, can she handle a night in with a cheap bottle of wine and dinner on the floor?

   I then started thinking, "What do men consider a high maintenance woman? Because I don't think I am one, but I could be blind." So I started researching this question. Several men websites claimed that a high maintenance woman is someone who demands for the man to spend an excessive amount of money on her, has a high profile life style that she expects to be kept up, or craves attention or affection. Sounds like a brat-- and thank God I don't know anyone personally like that. But, again, I started thinking, "Well, if I am not high maintenance, what am I? Where do my standards lie in a relationship?" As I started dating again, I had to reevaluate this question. Obviously, my standards change from being in a relationship for five years to being a new relationship after five weeks. Do I let my standards slack off as the relationship progresses? Do I become more accommodating to the man?

   Unfortunately. Yes I do. God, I hate myself for this. And I didn't realize this until I read this article from Glamour Mag. In the article, the columnist also points out that men can also be high maintenance. They have an "image" and often times, they contact you when they want to, leaving the girl hanging on. I find myself doing things, and not expecting much in return. I think this goes back to having a servant attitude, especially in the teaching profession. I like doing things for others, and I don't demand or expect anything in return. But am I giving too much--being ok with being the giver and sometimes a receiver? Am I am speaking my mind or am I just letting him run the relationship? I think girls are scared to say speak their mind for fear of losing that boyfriend or guy. But you know what? Forget that. If he doesn't like what I have to say, then he isn't worth the time anyways. I have a friend that when she was dating her boyfriend--I feared for him at first. She is very vocal and outspoken. She was always quick to put him in his place. I just knew he wasn't going to stick it out. But, she loved him and he loved her. She's learn to ease on him some and he's learned to step up his game. It was very intense for a while..

   So, girls, how do you determine the difference between being high maintenance or just having standards? There are certain things that I will always expect from the guy I am dating/future husband. I expect doors to be opened. I expect to have my head rubbed after a long day. I expect to be surprised at random times, just to know that he is thinking about me. I expect him to cook dinner at some point for me, even if it is just some meat and fresh veggies from the Fresh Market. I expect him to make time for me, my friends, and family. I expect him to be the leader in the relationship. I expect him to be respectful, make me feel special, wanted, and needed. But all those things don't require materialistic things, or nothing too costly. They just require some thought and action. If I don't set these standards, then why am I dating? Who am I dating for--myself, or for the guy?

   But setting the standards is one thing--communicating these is a whole other feat. Do I tell Newbie thank you for dinner? Did I let him know that I like it when he opens the door for me? When was the last time my head was rubbed? I obviously don't think I am hard to please. Even he made the comment one time, "If I just give you Mexican and set a beer in front of you, you are a happy girl." And that is completely right. I think that's why so many of our dates when we first started seeing one another involved Mexican, now that I think about it. Girls, we have to put it out there. We have to let our guys know what we expect or what we want. They aren't mind readers. Boys are dumb. We have to be completely honest with them, and with ourselves. Being reasonable to expect to be treated like he wouldn't want to be with anyone else in the world. But girls, we should also know our world shouldn't revolve around him and his world doesn't revolve around us. Instead, we should fit into each other's life so much that it becomes a habit of meeting and exceeding those high standards. It's becomes something that you want to--not something that is demanded. Yeah, every now and then we may have to give a good slap back to reality but that's ok from time to time.

   Newbie and I took a beach trip a couple weekends ago to get away for a few days. I was nervous, to be honest. But it ended up being just what I needed...what we both needed. At the end of the trip, I asked Newbie what he thought of his first vacation with me. He said, "It was amazing. You didn't complain not once. You let me watch football. You were laid back...and it was nice." I thought, "What in the world did this poor boy date in the past to demand so much from him? How flippin' exhausting for him and her. What is there to complain about being at the beach?"

   High maintenance. Don't be that girl that demands perfection. You'll never get it. Boys, when you expect perfection, you will end up with the girl that demands all your time and leaving you feel like you will always have to work to be something. Because that sports car loses value after a while. And if you are having to display so much on the outside to make your self worth seem better than what it is, then your heart must be so unattractive. What a worthless way to live, in my opinion. Be happy with who you are and find someone to be with that loves being with you--just the way you are. Speak your mind and know what you deserve--eventually, what is right for you will fall into place in a total unexpected way.
  

Girl, just date yourself.

   I saw this quote on Pinterest tonight and it made me think of how I have been wanting to write a blog post about dating yourself. And after my day today, I knew I needed to go ahead and write about it.

   When "the boy" and I broke up last October, I was obviously very upset. But it wasn't just because I had lost one of my best friends and the only guy I have ever loved but because I knew I was going to be....a-l-o-n-e. I knew I was going to have to face some pretty dark fears and get used to the idea of being just...me. I had made the relationship become the center of my world that I lost myself and who I was--truly. That was the first step--realizing that I sucked at life and I needed to get over it. The reality didn't hit until probably two months after the breakup. As I found myself spending time alone at night, with no one to talk to, and no one to plan weekends for but myself-- I realized that I all of a sudden had this freedom and I wasn't doing a darn thing with it. I wasn't happy with myself, physically and emotionally. I was a wreck. I refused to drink for the longest time because I knew I would hit rock bottom so hard, contact someone I didn't need to and just make a fool of myself. I would put on a façade at work, and then come home and break down. Right before Christmas break, I knew the only way I was going to get through that holiday and my birthday the next week was to pull up my big girl panties and start to move on.

   As the process began, I was trying to figure out "me." And I guess it didn't hit me until I had Lisa tell me, "I miss my Baby Jess. Where is the girl that when I call to see what you are doing, you tell me that you are in the middle of making curtains because you were bored? Or, I would come over and I would find you in the middle of the dining room floor, with an empty bottle of wine, painting a canvas because you found a quote you loved? Where is the girl that throws on her boots, favorite black shirt and scarf and is ready for life?" Yeah...where the heck had I been? I knew if I didn't know myself, then I definitely couldn't start to move on. Because during those two months of "nothing," the guys I met was just hopeless. It was all emotions. It was a complete and total disaster. Each time And it wasn't necessarily the guys that was hopeless--I was. I gave up by February. I knew I needed to take time for me and not push anything.

   So what did I do? I started to date myself. I knew I needed to take better care of me. I hated myself. So I made a list of things that I didn't like about myself. But for every negative I had about me, I made myself write a positive. It's easy to point out your own flaws, but so dern hard to figure out what you like about yourself. If I didn't like me, then how could anyone else? I thought to myself, "Maybe that's why the relationship ended. I wasn't being me. He didn't even like me anymore." I beat up myself a little bit along the ways, and my friends were incredible cheerleaders. However, as I focused on my more positive things, I found myself feeling better.

    I started with my hair. I have great hair. And I don't say that in a bragging way. It's thick, dark, and has an easy natural curl that isn't a pain to deal with but can easily be straightened. I don't have to wash it every day but rather can go three days. So, I started putting more effort into fixing my hair. Betsy even came over one night to find me in rollers and bobby pins, playing "beauty shop." (Girl has got to do something to occupy her Friday night at home.) Then, I moved onto focusing on my curves. That has been my biggest obstacle. I have never fully embraced my body type because God blessed me with a big butt. So I started finding clothes that I felt the best in-- not necessarily the clothes that were in style. I treated myself to new shoes or a couple new pairs of shirts. Because when you dress frumpy and don't have a sense of confidence in what you are wearing-- your day is doomed. When I am having a "day," I put on my favorite outfit for that moment and just go with it. But sometimes, that outfit calls for yoga pants with a t-shirt and that is completely ok-- just not all the time. Next, I treated myself (and I still do this) with make up. I could easily spend $100 on Bare Minerals make up, but that isn't included in my monthly budget. I started to swap out my powders, foundations, and blushes for more simple, natural look (and much cheaper). I started to receive more compliments about how I was glowing (thought only pregnant women get that look). The only splurge I have on make up is with mascara and eye liner. That can make or kill a look. I will spend $13 on a tube of mascara if it does wonders for my eyelashes. And girls, I am telling you-- if you do that, you'll feel like you're going to be on the next commercial for Extremely Long Beautiful Full Eyelash {insert brand commercial name here}. Next, I started making myself cook dinner for me. I figured one day I will have to cook for a family so I need to learn some basics while I am living alone. I have perfected the best spaghetti with fresh veggies; I have a signature meatloaf; I have perfected BowTie pasta with peppers and mushrooms; I have learned several different ways to cook squash and zucchini; I can multi-task and have all burners going at the same time and not burn anything down. Total success. When I do cook, I turn on music and just go with it. I love a night of cooking for myself. I feel totally accomplished.

    Lately, I have challenged myself to tackle things that I would not have normally done. Yard work and landscaping became my obsession over the summer. Some friends of mine and I just took out half my yard and busted tail to make it look amazing. I now find myself looking forward to Saturdays and Sundays working around my yard by myself. It has become a time for me to think about some things, lose a few pounds, and really take out some aggression with those hedge trimmers. Today, I did something else that I almost did not do. But, with my inner competiveness, I made myself do it: I learned how to surf behind a boat today. With some amazing friends, I was able to get it done. Each time I face planted in the water, I told myself, "You can do it. Focus. You got this. Prove it." And with each attempt, I got a little bit better, until eventually I found myself up and riding and getting a little bit braver each time. Had I not pushed myself and just hid in the corner of the boat (like I was doing), I would have regretted it big time. But nope. Next time, I'm not going to use my hands.

   My point being: date yourself. Find out what you like. Do your own thing. Throughout all this, I have found my confidence. I speak my mind more when I am not happy (well, not all the time but I am getting better) and I stand up for what I think or when someone has made me mad. I find ways to entertain myself, like running up and down the hallway in my socks, to see how far I get without busting my tail. And when you've found that happy medium, dating won't seem like such a big deal. Who needs a guy to make you feel special when you can do so much more for yourself? After all, shouldn't you know YOU better than anyone else?

...for you I pray.

   You know, praying for my future husband is probably one area that I am constantly in prayer over. I have been battling lately if that is a bad thing. But, I have come to realize that it isn't necessarily wrong to pray for my future husband-- if it is God's will for me to get married. And that--that is a whole other prayer time in itself. However, if it is God's will for me to get married (and I know my mother is on her knees each night praying the same thing, along asking for a grandchild or two) then I know I should be praying for him and for our future.You also have that image of what you look for in a husband. Mine isn't necessarily physical, but more of an emotional and personality traits that I am looking for. I don't like sharing my "traits" a whole lot because these are close to my heart. I like to see if each guy I date steps up and has such traits. I don't want to tell him what I look for specifically because I don't want him to change his true character just to match my standards. I believe that if I am meant to be with this one person, it will be revealed and brought to light over time. I guess that's what keeps me a mystery, and a part of my personality that can drive "The Newbie" crazy.

   I started researching what are some things a single girl should be praying about for her future husband, or even her current love interest. The list became quite expansive, intense, and convicting. Convicting that maybe my heart hasn't always been in the best spot as I have prayed in the past. Intense as these prayers shouldn't be taken lightly and I should be ready for God to move in my heart and his heart for these things to come to light. Expansive because there are a multitude of things that one can pray for husband/boyfriend. When these prayers are lifted up in true love and hope for a future, then I know God isn't going to disappoint.

1. His relationship with Christ. Christ should be and always remain the cornerstone in his life and in our relationship. (Isa 28:16) My hope is built on nothing less, than Jesus' blood and righteousness...Christ alone, cornerstone.
2. From what comes from his mouth is an overflow of his heart. Encouraging, a witness, and testimony to God's grace and faithfulness. (Matt 12:34)
3. A man of prayer. He would seek God in prayer constantly and then talk second about it. He would lift me and others up in prayer daily. (James 5:16)
4. A humbled man. A man who knows that in order to have a successful heart, that God must be greater in all areas of his life. (John 3:30)
5. He would build friendships and surround himself with positive men in his life. (Provs 27:6)
6. Endurance and passion. To run with endurance, the race that is set before him, and to focus on pleasing you. (Heb  12: 1-2)
7. Encourager to me and others. (1 Thess 5:11)
8. Continue to develop as a leader for our relationship. (Eph 5:21-31)

These verse are just the beginning for something that could become amazingly crazy. I have prayed these in mine and Newbie's relationship, and it is apparent that God is working. When I have prayed for endurance, Newbie is right there in my face pushing me to the next level, that often comes in the form of a 5:30 AM phone call to get to the gym in the morning, or telling me that I can't do something {because that is my inner switch that makes me prove others wrong}. Or when I see God show how real He can be in one's life and change a man's heart. I think these prayers can be modified as life goes on and as each relationship develops. But for right now, for you I pray.

She brings good, not harm all the days of her life. {Provs 31:12}

The Little Things... Starting with Prayer

   Today in church I saw the smallest little gesture at the end of the service. I am pretty sure no one else saw this, as it was during prayer time. And I am sure this husband did not think it was a big deal, but I picked up on it. As our pastor was ending in prayer, I was bowing my head and I caught a movement to my right. As I glanced over, I noticed that a husband had wrapped his arms around his wife's shoulders, and whispering a prayer in her ear, fervently. I don't know what prayer was he praying; whatever it was must have been a sweet, merciful prayer because as he prayed, tears streamed down her face. I couldn't help but stare. He did this throughout the whole closing prayer. It's not uncommon to see couples go down to the front alter and bow together to pray. Or see couples join hands during prayer. But to see this couple, off to the side, praying quietly with the husband leading the prayer was absolutely powerful and touching.

    This image has stuck with me all day. How blessed is that woman that her husband--who without shame, would wrap his arms around her and whisper a prayer in her ear, not caring who noticed, or who even heard his prayer. I would think that this is an indication of their prayer life. I would like to think he prays for his family like this each day. Maybe he wraps his arms around his wife each night before bed and prays. Maybe he does the same for his children, and even his grandchildren. A praying husband is a powerful blessing to have in a marriage that is based on Christ.

    Instantly, I prayed "God, send me a husband like that. A husband that will wrap his arms around me, whisper prayers in my ears that would bring sweet tears to my eyes. Tears of joy, tears of appreciation, tears of love." Knowing that God is going to give me a man who not only loves me as deep as Christ loves me, but that will also lift me up in prayer on a daily basis is one of the most humbling, enduring treasures I cannot wait to experience.

   I don't know who my husband is for God has not exactly revealed this yet (for I keep telling myself God is a god of perfect timing). But I would hope that my husband, whoever or wherever he is, is praying a passionate, truthful, honest prayer for God's will in my life and his life. I came across a great blog called Paul's Ponderings. He wrote a post on how a Christian man can pray for his girlfriend and for God's will to be done in her life and also in his. You can find it here. Definitely worth for all men and women to check out.

  So, as I thought about that couple today and I look at where I am right now I am reminded: that couple-- that praying couple-- that is what I long for, that is what God has planned for me one day. I just know it. This I pray...

"...we have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding..." Colossians 1:9-10

  

  

What date night?

    As I was scrolling through Pinterest tonight, I noticed several pinners have pinned links to different "date" activities. One said, "50 almost free date night ideas!" Another said, "31 different date nights for each day of the month." And my current favorite, "50 Fun Fall Date Ideas." Now, I'm not knocking these date ideas or websites because I think some of them are honestly legit good ideas for couples. But then it got me thinking, "What does a date night look like?" Or rather, "What constitutes a date?"

   When you are in a relationship, the girl always looks forward to a date night with the one she is seeing. I know I do. I'm not hinting that the guy doesn't look forward to it-- I just think the guy looks at it in a rather different light: make plans, show up, hang out, take the girl out, the end. But a girl likes a little bit of effort, even if it means you just picking out the restaurant to dine at for the evening.
For example, I always hated the dreaded, "Where do you want to eat?" conversation. Just pick a flippin' place. If I don't want it, then I will let you know. My current "date" is pretty good in this department. He picks the place, and I just go with it. It's been refreshing. But, there are other times where his ADD mind has caused us to go to four different parking lots because he's not sure just where he wants to eat. But, we typically have our four basic places we like to dine at, so it's not usually a traumatic process.

    Lately, I have heard so many couples (married and dating couples) complain that they just have not had time together. I had MA tell me today she probably saw her husband for a total of 6 hours this past week. I had a coworker tell me that she probably spoke a total of 5 sentences to her husband in one day. Another friend's husband is going back to school so she feels like she's been pushed to the back burner lately. Another friend is dating a guy that is an engineer at Clemson. She said it was over two weeks before they finally were able to spend some time together the other day. Life is ridiculously busy. With my new "date interest," our schedules completely conflict. It's been a struggle to find the time and the energy to see one another at least one night during the week/weekend. The last couple of Friday nights I have deemed "Friday Date Night."  Last night we were able to hit downtown Greenville, which we have never done together. We were like two little kids-- excited to leave work behind, grab some dinner with some fun friends and just make a night out of it (which I have to say, it was one of the better Friday nights I have had in a while). We try to make plans a couple days before to see one another and just take a night off from the drama we call work. And, it has been amazingly nice. I found myself looking forward to getting through the week and just enjoying that one-on-one time that we don't get a lot during the week. It doesn't always happen, but we try.

   And I don't think it's that people don't want to see each other. Life gets in the way. That's just it. It always gets in the way. But, we have to find a way to push life aside, make spending time and creating date nights as part of life. So I guess my essential question is, "What does a good date night look like?"

    I think this could go several ways. I love dressing up, throwing on my favorite jeans, boots, freshening up my make up and go out for dinner and a couple of drinks. I love being picked up, complimented on how nice I look, have a conversation with someone other than an eight year old, and made to just enjoy the night out. But even then, after a while, that gets old. That's where a good night in comes into place. A night in my sweats and a movie to watch on TV, with me falling asleep on the couch, wrapped up in a blanket. It's hard to not just collapse when you get home and not speak to one another. Especially when you have children. Then, it that case, planning a night out isn't as easy-- it ends up requiring so much more planning and becomes tedious.

   But, that's the thing-- date nights don't have to require a lot of planning. It can be nice to be surprised and have an elaborate date preplanned. But who says a date can't consist of you two carving a pumpkin or two one night (hint, hint, cough, cough)? Who says a date can't consist of you two sitting on the porch after the kids go to bed, talk and share a glass of wine? Who says you can't just decide to stay in, cook dinner and have a little dance party in the kitchen? And what about going to church on Sundays then having lunch afterwards at Wade's? Or, even better, take in a football game for the day or a quick trip to the mountains?

    When the routine is changed up, it makes you really appreciate your time together. When you do something new together, like go out with a group of friends that you don't typically see, you get to know that person in a whole new light. When you try something new, you see other quirks or sides of that person. And this is so important, especially when you are just starting to date a new person. You want to see how a person reacts in a certain situation. For example, the "date" and I were watching TV one night and our viewing channel landed on an episode of "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?" Little did I know how competitive he is and how competitive I can be in games-- it became our "thing" to do when we are hanging out. Which sadly, he has beat me every time. Astrology and random geography questions get me every time. I will win, one day.

   So, I think, just spending time together can constitute a date night. Anytime I would go out with someone a few times, my closest guy friends would say, "Ok, so has he taken you on a date? Has he treated you like the princess you deserve to be treated like? And a Mexican restaurant doesn't count." (Which by the way, I think it totally does.) And yes, we like to be taken out and wooed, but the comfort of the couch or a ride in the car is just as enjoyable (as long as the couch and the house doesn't become a common date area). Make time for one another to do something fun, to spend time together. You each deserve it. If time isn't possible during the week, go ahead and make plans for something fun to do when a free night opens up. Make each other a priority.

   And if you're single and not dating anyone--girl, I know how you feel. Just go ahead and take yourself out on a date. Get some Outback take out, or my personal favorite, a feast of Mexican food and just lay it all out on the table and indulge. Treat yourself to a new pair of boots (did that Thursday) and a hot afternoon coffee (did that Wednesday). Pamper yourself. Dating yourself sounds crazy. But, those moments are when you learn the most about yourself. Hmm. I'm thinking I may have to look into expanding that thought in the near future...

   Date nights. It can be as simple as you want it, or it can be as elaborate as you wish it to be. But as long as you are spending any quality time with someone you care for, call it a date. And if you're stuck on ideas, don't worry-- Pinterest has your back, or rather your dates, covered.

It's just a waiting game.

There is a question that has always bugged me when it comes to dating. It's a question that every girl frets over. I'm pretty sure I have mentioned this question before in previous posts. However, tonight, I want to really focus on this one question that every girl asks her self, that every guy ponders over (even if he will never truly admit it) and that is easily one of the most argumentative questions in the dating world. Let me set the scenario.

Boy and girl are set up through mutual friends. So essentially, it is a blind date. Boy and girl hit it off. Enjoy a festival around town on a Saturday afternoon. Take in a late afternoon football game at a local bar and grab a couple of drinks. The date lasted longer than just a couple hours. Girl is very pleased and happy. When departing, girl tells guy, "I had fun." Guy responds with, "Yeah, I did too. I will call you." Guy reports back to friends that he had a great time and will definitely call her again.

Over a week passes and no call. No follow up. Nothing.

Hmm. This makes me mad for the girl.

We try to keep in mind of the three day rule, which I think is complete BS. "You shouldn't call a girl in less than three days after a first date." More on this in a minute.

We try to keep in mind of his job (coach) and how schedules for coaches right now can be busy and demand a lot of time and attention. I give some leeway in this department because dating a coach can require a lot of patience, understanding, and...well knowing that you are not a top priority during the season (because it's not easy being put on the back burner).

Boys. Men. What do you think? What is the appropriate time to contact a girl after a first date? Do you stick to the three day rule? If so, you are doing nothing but causing stress and anxiety not only on the girl's part but also on yours. What is the point in waiting? So you don't seem so anxious? What is wrong with showing a girl that you are interested in her? We aren't saying that we expect to be asked out in the next three days; contact, however, would be nice. In today's technology driven world, you can't tell me a little text or quick phone call isn't feasible in your busy schedule. We are just as busy as you are--teaching, volunteering, extra curricular activities (because 30 year olds can have those, too). And when we see your tweets, Facebook posts-- don't tell us you have been busy. Not that you aren't free to tweet or Facebook, but girls do look at this. Contrary to popular belief, we do not want to have an hour long conversation with you every night before bed. Are you kidding me? I have been talking all day. The last thing I want to do is talk to you for an hour like 13 year olds and argue who is going to hang up first. And honestly, personally, if I haven't heard from you in more than three days, I am moving on. I do not have time to be waiting around on your call, wondering if you are interested, if we will go out again, or whatever foolishness comes after that.

But we do want to hear from you-- if you said you were going to call. If you didn't mean it, don't say it for heaven's sake. It's not that hard. If you are busy, be honest. A simple, "Hey, I had a great time. I am really swamped with {blank} this week but let's plan to get together next Friday for a late drink." If you are a fly by the seam of your pants kind of guy and like to do things at the last minute-- that's not going to work when you are first dating a girl. You have to make an effort to plan in advance for a while. I know I know. You have to actually put forth effort and plan. But God blessed you with the manhood, so act like a gentleman who cares. And if you are truly busy, then don't even bother going out on a date with a girl. Honestly. Because if you know that you do not have time for a dating relationship, you need to be up front with her or not even entertain the thought of dating (I am hoping this isn't going to bite me in the butt right now). IF you feel that you can juggle work, extra curricular activities and dating, be ready to juggle it all fairly. Make an honest effort and plans to see that girl. I say this all the time: If you really want to see someone or be with someone, you will make time. You make time for you who want to see.

I am still a true believer that the guy should pursue the girl. He should make contact. He should plan dates consistently. Then after a while, I deem it ok for a girl to make contact first every once in a while-- put forth effort in also pursuing the guy's heart (which has been my recent challenge). It's just that tricky balance that will eventually even out in a healthy, equal relationship. But until then...

Guys. Seriously. You better make a move. Because while you think you left a great first impression, that second impression you are giving right now is not getting you anywhere.

Holy crap.

It's been forever since I have blogged. When school started, my free time/relaxing time went out the window. Along with the new school year starting and new stress being added, I started my work out routine. During the summer, I always seem to fall off what I should be doing. But when school starts, I know I need to push all that towards something.

Enter...Studio B: Barre and Pilates. Robin introduced me to the class, Nancy bought me a month gift certificate to try it out-- and I was hooked. The first class I thought, "I am going to kill Robin and Nancy." But, once I started feeling the results and soreness it-- I wanted to keep going back. I was bending, stretching, and balancing my body that I didn't know I could do. Now, I'm not great at it. I've only been doing it a month. But I look Robin, who has been doing it a while, and she is still breaking a sweat, if not more, than I am. So that tells me that the class still continues to challenge and stretch your muscles.

The day I don't do barre class, I do cardio. I try to run in the mornings before school. So with all that combined, I am halfway to my fitness goal. My brother said he has noticed a little less junk in my trunk.

I love how I feel after working out. While I am seeing results in my clothes, I am feeling a difference in my energy and attitude. Last year, when I found myself newly single, I remember rocking in Robin's thinking chair after school. I was kind of whining and being pathetic, in all honestly. She then looked at me and told me to suck it up and bring my running clothes the next day. That was when we started our runs around Dorman at least three days a week. After a couple weeks of running, I noticed my attitude changed. When I don't work out or release some tension, I start to feel overwhelmed, incapable, and stressed to the max. It's not a good feeling.

However, the best feeling was today. My whole body was sore from class yesterday, plus the five hours I worked in the yard. Knowing I was having to pull up my shorts from falling down, and hearing my mom say, "Wow, Jess. You look great." That was worth it. Hearing the men next door say, "Dang-- that girl knows how to run circles around her yard." Yeah, I could have collapsed on my couch for the whole Sunday afternoon, but my yard would look like a complete mess. Overgrown, that needed weeding and some life brought back to it. So on the outside, it looks fabulous. Just don't walk inside. That's another story.