Two words that can turn any one's world upside down in so many contexts. It can mean that the life storm has passed and calm waters are ahead. It can mean that a event is done and you sadly missed the whole show. It can be said in the meaning that the week is done-- and it's the weekend! Or, that the weekend is over. So sad.
Or it can mean that a relationship is over between two people. Just thinking that about those two words brings back hurt and feelings that you can never get past.
Tonight, though, my thought isn't about moving past a broken relationship or moving on. I have been thinking about how when you hear those words, what is your immediate action? Do you accept defeat? Do you come to peace with it, knowing that in your heart it just wasn't right or meant to be? Does it become just a little bit of both? Maybe you strut your crazy on the front porch and let everyone know that you are now the official crazy ex-girlfriend.
Tonight, I spoke to my college best friend. She was head over heels for the guy she was seeing. They met at the end of the summer and the relationship progressed so quickly. The "L" word was said, the "M" word was talked about, and the idea of her moving to be closer to him over the summer was very real. Last week, I spoke to her and she made the comment that things didn't just seem right. Girls get those feelings. Sometimes it's just paranoia but other times there is a true reason to feel that way. Side note: the last few times I have felt this way, it wasn't paranoia. There was always something lurking around the corner that soon revealed itself and brought hidden situations to light. Anyways, moving on--she met up with her beau the next day because she was in town for an appointment. After a few awkward moments, he dropped the bombshell on her: It's over.
Actually, he said, "I think we need to break up for the next three months until I graduate." That comment in itself flew all over me. I'll get to that in a minute.
When I asked how she was doing with this ending so suddenly, her reply was, "I'm ok. I'm totally at peace with this because deep down I knew it wasn't right if I was completely honest with myself." Yeah, it hurt like mad. The next day included several tears. But, she said that peace that soon settled in her heart was what took the pain all away.
At what point do we just accept that a relationship isn't the one for us? If we know that relationship isn't the one, how you handle it? Do you rip it off like a Band-Aid and deal with the immediate burn of hurting someone you care for or even hurting yourself? Or do you slowly peel it off hoping that it doesn't end too badly and you have lessened the burn for the both of you--letting the other one down gently? You get the end result. A wound is exposed that is left to breathe some fresh air so that it can heal.
Sometimes it's hard to look inward and be completely honest. Why it is the hardest to be honest with ourselves? Probably because we know what we will see and it's not what we want to see. We may want something for that moment but that doesn't necessarily mean its the best for us.
In the end, my friend realized she had settled for what was best for her. While some of her desires were being met, her most important wants and needs in a man were falling short. I'm definitely guilty of that. Compromising what I want in a man just so I don't have to feel the loneliness. Any man can kiss my cheek and tell me I'm beautiful. But at the end of the day, has he touched my soul?
I was reading tonight about why some women are so impatient and how we typically settle for what we deserve. I'm not even really talking about seeking to find someone to marry. But, someone to date. Someone to spend time with on the weekends. Someone to build a friendship that may develop into a relationship that may, God willing, lead to marriage. Women fear that we are going to miss out on some of life's greatest joys: marriage, kids, traveling with your love, having someone to come home to each night. Fear creeps in and soon has us doubting our true self worth all over the place. I especially start to doubt myself as a confident woman and if I am truly worth the fight. And can we just talk about the external pressure from society? If you are not married by the age of 35, your odds of getting married drop to 5%. If you're 40, you are more likely to be killed by a terrorist. True stats. Research it. However, on the flip side, if I wait until after I am thirty, I have only an 8% chance of going through a divorce. It's a statistical battle being a woman approaching 30! (I'm not even worried about the getting pregnant part-- I'm currently seeking out friends that have had multiple kids that want to have my kids for me. They seem to be pretty good at it.)
So, what are we to do? Of course, we need to be completely honest with who we want as a potential forever love. I used to be the queen of making lists of standards I wanted in a husband. I still have little check marks and notches in my mind. Somewhere, in a deep old journal I am sure that list is still there. Is it bad to have a checklist? I think not. I think if you pray over that list and ask God to help you truly reveal one who would be best suited for you, then that is perfectly fine. The Bible says that if the Lord will give us the desires of heart if we pray. However, the Bible also says that no man should come before him--and this means searching for a forever love. My cousin has a specific standard of a Godly man that she wants. If you were to ask her right now, she could tell you point by point and reason for what she is searching in a man. I think she's more specific than I am. She text me the other day and said, "Do you not have any attractive, single, Godly, athletic men you can introduce me to?" I told her, "Are you kidding me? I was going to move to Florida in hopes to try a different fishing pond!" It is frustrating. We live in a society where standards and morals have flipped. There seems to be a shortage of men. Especially a shortage of commendable men. We have to look for specific qualities in a potential forever love while dating. If they aren't there while dating, what makes us think that these qualities will shine through in a marriage or in a future?
Also, when a relationship ends we have to know that God has all things that work together for His good and our good. We have to trust that. A common prayer that I pray daily is that for God to slam the door shut in this relationship if it is not for me or for Him. I also add that if He does this, He needs to make it harder to pry open than a bottle of nail polish that hasn't been opened since last summer. I want God to remove anything that doesn't bring me good and positive to my life But I also know I tend to give chances that I shouldn't. If it's closed and locked, then I can't try to go back and open that specific door again. If I get a feeling that something isn't right, I pray that if it's the enemy that it would be removed from my mind. If it isn't the enemy, then I pray that God would open my eyes to the truth and help me see what needs to be seen. Which, of course, always leads back to being honest with yourself, and your mate being honest with you.
When my friend told me that her ex said he wanted to date after graduation, I immediately punched my steering wheel. Once again, the male brain spits out an excuse to a female, thinking it looks like a perfectly good piece of white toilet paper but in the end it just has crap smeared all over it. The best thing he could have told my friend was, "I'm sorry. I just cannot do this anymore. The relationship is over." When I asked her what his reasoning was for wanting to wait to date til after graduation, she said that his school schedule (he's in med school) and graduation and trying to find a job was overwhelming, plus trying to make her happy. My immediate response was, "Oh, so you were a burden to him? That's comforting to know." Girls. If a guy makes you feel like you are burden or not up on the importance notch, YOU need to back away, or let him know. Yes, there are times when you have to step back and take the back burner because life happens. But, in the end, he should want you there to go through those moments with him. If he cannot handle the pressures of a new job or a change in his life with you by his side, then he doesn't deserve to have you by his side. Those are moments when you rely on one another to push forward. You see how committed you are to push through those crappy, stressful moments. At the same time, he should let you know that he APPRECIATES you for being there. Plus, anyway, this guy knew that this time would be hard at the end of his school career. He shouldn't have entered into a relationship knowing this type of stress was coming. Sigh...thinking with the wrong head. Again.
At the end of the day, my friend knew the relationship wasn't right. Some new revelations were brought to light that she wants to see in a forever love. She also learned some things about herself. In the end, it has made me question and re-evaluate some things on my world. So, when you hear it's over, accept it. So, maybe your odds of being killed by a terrorist increased a little? It's better to hear those words now. Like I always say, we (single girls) are just lowering the divorce rate with one bad date/dating relationship at a time.
Sunday, March 16, 2014
Sunday, March 9, 2014
Detox took me down.
If you have spoken with me in the last few days or have checked out my Instagram, then you probably saw that I have started a cleanse/detox. Currently, Newbie and I have a bet to see who can lose 10 pounds first. Whoever does wins $20. I know what you're probably thinking: "Oh, so you're doing this for him? You need to do this for yourself, Jess." Believe me, I am. But when Newbie challenges me, I never turn it down. This time, however, I am determined to win me $20 and lose 10 pounds in the midst of it before bikini season. I told him I didn't want to be at the beach and he say, "Babe. You need to cover up."
So, what has been my plan of attack?
Of course, Pinterest came to rescue. After searching through some detox/cleanse plans, I found one that would be fairly easy to follow.
Seems simple right? Nothing too crazy or that involves some nasty, random juicing and tons of protein shakes. On top of this cleanse, I decided to cut out all coffee and alcohol. I thought the alcohol would be hard. Wrong- and let me tell you why.
I was all excited about Day 1, which was on Saturday. I got up early and went to bootcamp at The Mill. Of course, I almost threw up three times. I was reminded of how bad my endurance has gotten. However, it was so nice to see people who have been doing this boot camp for two months sweating and dying as much as I was that morning. On the way home, I treated myself to a strawberry banana smoothie. I know- I wasn't supposed to have bananas today but I couldn't help myself at Bella. I then went to the grocery store and stocked up on some apples, Cuties, watermelon, cantaloupe, etc. I thought, I can do this! Who doesn't love fruit?
It was so bad that when we got back to Spartanburg, Hallie had to drive me home in Candice's car with Candice driving my car home. I crawled into bed and passed out around 6. I didn't wake up til 1 AM. My head wasn't as bad but I had no desire to move out of my bed.
What happened to me on day 1? I'm assuming the no coffee. I am used to drinking multiple upon multiple large cups in the morning. Then, to go cold turkey without one about did me in. Wait, it did do me in.
Day 2: I woke up this morning feeling ok. Still a slight headache but not near as bad as the day before. I weighed myself and saw that I was down 2 pounds! What in the world! This is great! Then, ever so eagerly, I went and made me one small cup of coffee with just a tad of sugar and a little bit of skim milk. I chugged that cup down like my life depended on it. You know what? No headache today. At all. I felt wonderful. Today I was supposed to consume veggies. I had carrots for breakfast then went on a 3 mile walk/run with Robin. Returning to the grocery store, I stocked up on some more fruit and veggies for today and tomorrow. For lunch I had some soy beans (not a lot because those tend to be very starchy). For dinner, I had spaghetti squash and my one baked potato. Amazing. At first when I finished dinner, I wanted to eat more, like a handful of Cheese-Its. But I restrained and sucked on my water bottle. Now, I can honestly say I am content. I'm not full, but I'm not starving.
We'll see how I feel tomorrow after Day 3. I hope I haven't retained too much water. If anything, I am really getting in some good, clean healthy foods in my diet this week. So, let's toast our water bottles to me winning $20!
Thursday, March 6, 2014
"We performed Wrecking Ball...and everyone stared."
Scenario! And...action!
My student teacher did an activity today with our class that turned out to be hilarious and so well played out I thought to myself, "Why haven't I done this more?" We grouped our students based on their interests. We gave them a starting sentence. Quietly, they had to swap the sentence between their group to complete the story. Each person had only 30 seconds to write at a time. We had a group of three girls that are very into pop performances/boy bands/Miley. Their topic was about waking up and finding themselves on a stage in front of a crowd of screaming fans. As they came to the front of the class to share, they started out describing how they felt and used descriptive adjectives, which was huge for this group of girls. Then, the next line they read out loud caused me to choke on my water: "We performed Wrecking Ball. Everyone stared." Immediately I said, "Uh, yeah-you think!" Two other girls in our class says, "Gross!" A few boys chime in, "Ew! Miley!"
Tonight as I was thinking about my school day, I realized that those girls could have chosen any song or artist to write about or use as an example. Instead, they used Miley. And Wrecking Ball. Face palm to my head. Is this the best role model they could come up with? Is this the girl that they are idolizing? If so, what are they idolizing about her? I can't figure it out.
During indoor recess, my kids love to play on our new laptops and make videos. That has turned into a hilarious activity that leaves me laughing at the end of the day at their videos. As I was flipping through to see what they had recorded today day, I notice that one of those little girls was "performing" in one of the videos she made during indoor recess. In the video, she says, "Look. I'm Miley!" She proceeds to stick out her tongue to the side, throw up the deuces, and sticks her butt out. Face palm to my head again. (Reminder: delete said video immediately.)
What have I realized? I need to introduce my girls to some legit role models. Meredith and I were talking the other day about how girls face such a stronger sex appeal opposition today than when we did at their age. When we were in middle school, our biggest concern was if my mom was going to buy me that new sweater at A&E or if were going to be dropped off at the mall for a while to go to a movie and hang around. We all looked ridiculously awkward and...awful. I didn't know what a flat iron was or how to manage my thick mane of mine. Boobs and butt by the time I was in 7th grade? I didn't know what to do with those things! In today's world, Meredith said she doesn't notice that really being an issue with her middle school girls on a regular basis. She said it is more about who is having sex (or who hasn't had sex yet), who you are hooking up with that weekend, and passing boys around.
Excuse me? I wasn't even sure what a penis looked like at that age. It still frightens me.
Rashida Jones wrote a flippin' fabulous article in January's Glamour mag titled "Major Don't: The Pornification of Everything." As I laid in bed one Saturday night, catching up on my beauty mags, with a glass of wine, I approached this article with caution. With Hollywood being pretty liberal and all about "She's just expressing herself" crap, I was not sure what view Jones was going to present in this article. However, it was a fresh breath of air. "If 1994 was the year of O.J.'s White Bronco, 2013 was the Year of the Very Visible Vagina." Amen. Since when did bending over and licking yourself(or other humans or props) in public become ok and sexual? Pretty sure that if I lick a foam finger in front of Newbie in the middle of our favorite Mexican restaurant, he would laugh his rear off and ask what the heck was I doing...or he would bolt and head for the door. I would be willing to bet that he would not be cuddling up next to me, encouraging this behavior. There is a huge difference between showing that you are sexy and selling sex. Most celebrity women today sell sex. What example is this setting for our daughters and future generation of girls? Selling sex gets you attention. What happened to sexiness being confident in your new jeans and sweater? Where is sexiness when you busted your tail and beat your 3 mile run record? What about sexiness in a pair of jeans, boots, t-shirt and hat? Or, here is something crazy: what happened to sexiness using your smarts and wit? Flashing the vagina, boob pasties, and leaving nothing to the imagination-- Hollywood is right on track. But, can we not pull back the reins and throw a shirt on that goes below the belly button along with a pair of shorts that that reach at least your wrist? Morals...you there?
If this is warping our children's minds, can we just imagine what it is doing to women? Yes, we are intelligent enough to try to draw the line between being sexy and selling sex. We can say, "I'm no Miley, thank the good Lord." But, I would be lying if I said that her and other sexual celebrities haven't played with my mind and made me feel like I didn't measure up being sexy enough. However, I do have enough sense to bounce back, find my grind, and move on. Our only hope is to instill in our daughters that the message Hollywood sends out is not ok. Limit their viewing. Show them other role models that demonstrate beautiful confidence from their inner-self, things that they have accomplished and made a positive difference. Nothing positive comes from a public vagina.
This reminds me of the time Newbie and I were watching a football game. As a cheerleader came up on the tv before the game went to commercial, the cheerleader bent over and the camera got a nice little view of her backside and bloomers. Nice waxing by the way. Newbie paused it and played it over and over, amazing that they sports affiliate would broadcast this on public television (or so he says)...
Which brings me to this point: as for men--what is this doing for their image of women? A friend of mine lived in India for a while. She said that while she lived over there, men would approach her and automatically try to grab her boob or butt. She said that men in India were so accustomed to seeing American women project themselves in such a sexual manner--they thought that how all American women wanted to be treated. Does this bother you? Does this change your view of sexuality or what is sexy? I would hope you--men--would look past this image of being projected and promote pure beautify, confidence, and sexiness. Tell us what you value in a woman.
2014--cheers to no more visible vaginas. Hasn't your mama told you less is more?
My student teacher did an activity today with our class that turned out to be hilarious and so well played out I thought to myself, "Why haven't I done this more?" We grouped our students based on their interests. We gave them a starting sentence. Quietly, they had to swap the sentence between their group to complete the story. Each person had only 30 seconds to write at a time. We had a group of three girls that are very into pop performances/boy bands/Miley. Their topic was about waking up and finding themselves on a stage in front of a crowd of screaming fans. As they came to the front of the class to share, they started out describing how they felt and used descriptive adjectives, which was huge for this group of girls. Then, the next line they read out loud caused me to choke on my water: "We performed Wrecking Ball. Everyone stared." Immediately I said, "Uh, yeah-you think!" Two other girls in our class says, "Gross!" A few boys chime in, "Ew! Miley!"
Tonight as I was thinking about my school day, I realized that those girls could have chosen any song or artist to write about or use as an example. Instead, they used Miley. And Wrecking Ball. Face palm to my head. Is this the best role model they could come up with? Is this the girl that they are idolizing? If so, what are they idolizing about her? I can't figure it out.
During indoor recess, my kids love to play on our new laptops and make videos. That has turned into a hilarious activity that leaves me laughing at the end of the day at their videos. As I was flipping through to see what they had recorded today day, I notice that one of those little girls was "performing" in one of the videos she made during indoor recess. In the video, she says, "Look. I'm Miley!" She proceeds to stick out her tongue to the side, throw up the deuces, and sticks her butt out. Face palm to my head again. (Reminder: delete said video immediately.)
What have I realized? I need to introduce my girls to some legit role models. Meredith and I were talking the other day about how girls face such a stronger sex appeal opposition today than when we did at their age. When we were in middle school, our biggest concern was if my mom was going to buy me that new sweater at A&E or if were going to be dropped off at the mall for a while to go to a movie and hang around. We all looked ridiculously awkward and...awful. I didn't know what a flat iron was or how to manage my thick mane of mine. Boobs and butt by the time I was in 7th grade? I didn't know what to do with those things! In today's world, Meredith said she doesn't notice that really being an issue with her middle school girls on a regular basis. She said it is more about who is having sex (or who hasn't had sex yet), who you are hooking up with that weekend, and passing boys around.
Excuse me? I wasn't even sure what a penis looked like at that age. It still frightens me.
Rashida Jones wrote a flippin' fabulous article in January's Glamour mag titled "Major Don't: The Pornification of Everything." As I laid in bed one Saturday night, catching up on my beauty mags, with a glass of wine, I approached this article with caution. With Hollywood being pretty liberal and all about "She's just expressing herself" crap, I was not sure what view Jones was going to present in this article. However, it was a fresh breath of air. "If 1994 was the year of O.J.'s White Bronco, 2013 was the Year of the Very Visible Vagina." Amen. Since when did bending over and licking yourself(or other humans or props) in public become ok and sexual? Pretty sure that if I lick a foam finger in front of Newbie in the middle of our favorite Mexican restaurant, he would laugh his rear off and ask what the heck was I doing...or he would bolt and head for the door. I would be willing to bet that he would not be cuddling up next to me, encouraging this behavior. There is a huge difference between showing that you are sexy and selling sex. Most celebrity women today sell sex. What example is this setting for our daughters and future generation of girls? Selling sex gets you attention. What happened to sexiness being confident in your new jeans and sweater? Where is sexiness when you busted your tail and beat your 3 mile run record? What about sexiness in a pair of jeans, boots, t-shirt and hat? Or, here is something crazy: what happened to sexiness using your smarts and wit? Flashing the vagina, boob pasties, and leaving nothing to the imagination-- Hollywood is right on track. But, can we not pull back the reins and throw a shirt on that goes below the belly button along with a pair of shorts that that reach at least your wrist? Morals...you there?
If this is warping our children's minds, can we just imagine what it is doing to women? Yes, we are intelligent enough to try to draw the line between being sexy and selling sex. We can say, "I'm no Miley, thank the good Lord." But, I would be lying if I said that her and other sexual celebrities haven't played with my mind and made me feel like I didn't measure up being sexy enough. However, I do have enough sense to bounce back, find my grind, and move on. Our only hope is to instill in our daughters that the message Hollywood sends out is not ok. Limit their viewing. Show them other role models that demonstrate beautiful confidence from their inner-self, things that they have accomplished and made a positive difference. Nothing positive comes from a public vagina.
This reminds me of the time Newbie and I were watching a football game. As a cheerleader came up on the tv before the game went to commercial, the cheerleader bent over and the camera got a nice little view of her backside and bloomers. Nice waxing by the way. Newbie paused it and played it over and over, amazing that they sports affiliate would broadcast this on public television (or so he says)...
Which brings me to this point: as for men--what is this doing for their image of women? A friend of mine lived in India for a while. She said that while she lived over there, men would approach her and automatically try to grab her boob or butt. She said that men in India were so accustomed to seeing American women project themselves in such a sexual manner--they thought that how all American women wanted to be treated. Does this bother you? Does this change your view of sexuality or what is sexy? I would hope you--men--would look past this image of being projected and promote pure beautify, confidence, and sexiness. Tell us what you value in a woman.
2014--cheers to no more visible vaginas. Hasn't your mama told you less is more?
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Dating from a Distance-One Month Later
This past weekend officially marked Newbie being gone for a month. Fortunately, his mother suggested a road trip to go visit him a few weeks ago. We decided on this past weekend so I was so excited to head back out to Oxford again. We had a great trip--I didn't make too big of a fool of myself in front of his mother during an eight hour drive there and then back, I was able to spend some one-on-one time with Newbie, see Oxford and Ole Miss, and get to know his precious mother a little bit better. Also, the stories she shared with me about Newbie and being a mother to three boys were priceless. A moment I will treasure in my heart. (Side note: before I left, my mother called to ask if I had "groomed" myself. And I did. It took me an hour to get it all done, but I was smooth and polished upon arrival in Oxford!)
Tonight, however, I'm not really going to write about my trip. Another topic has been circling in my mind lately and has been the topic of some conversations with my friends, coincidently. Care to take a guess?
Yeah, you're probably too tired to guess so I'll just start. Jealousy and being territorial.
I have never been the jealous type. I have always been super trusting in relationships and friendships. In the past, I never worried about girls hitting on the guy I was seeing or the guy sneaking around behind my back. Why fool around with another girl or guy when you are committed to someone else? If you are not happy in that relationship then please be honest, bow out gracefully and do your thing. Because, if you choose to take the sneaky road and hide your private business, it will come to light eventually. It's funny how small of a world it is and how people connect, talk, and share...just sayin'.
Lately, I have become more territorial. At first, I blamed it on my PMS because we all know my previous experiences of hormonal issues. (Side note: Last Monday PMS reared it's ugly head. Big time. My apologies for anyone that came in contact with me that day. Lots of tears, and a very big sarcastic-you're-getting-on-my-nerves-you-are-not-my-favorite-person attitude.) But, getting past my PMSing and continuing on with my life--it just continued. I won't say it got worse but it hasn't lessened. I talked to a good friend/co-worker about it today. She's married to a fabulous husband and a great bunch of kids (noticed I said bunch). She said she still struggles with this issue to this day. Her husband has never given her a reason to be this way--she just is. You may think, "Well, she has issues obviously." But, girls, you can't tell me somewhere in the back of your mind you don't wonder what goes on behind those private Facebook messages, text messages, and quick emails. Or, when you see a girl that you have never seen or heard and start making appearances on his social media--you turn into Carmen San Diego. Well. Carmen San Diego disappears but you start to track clues and create a timeline in your head and make up all these crazy situations. You have this sudden urge to check his texts, maybe "forget" to log out of his facebook and just filter through and see if anything catches your eye.
And maybe you don't. Bravo and kudos to you. Please tell me where you get this self control at?
After talking to some friends, I think I figured out where I'm failing at in this situation. It's pretty much a combination of different things. I'm about to get really raw and expose some skin here. So bare with me (bonus points if you caught the pun).
1. I have been totally insecure lately. Not really feeling good about myself (i.e. lack of grooming), I have found myself comparing me to other girls. I don't mean celebrities. I mean girls that I pass, meet, or friends of mine. Usually being a pretty motivated girl, I don't let this get me down too often. But, I think to myself, "Well. She's totally pretty and looks awesome in that picture. Why wouldn't he try to be with her?" And I feel like I'm speaking on the behalf of most single girls here. Maybe some married women feel this way. I'm not positive. But I know my mind has gotten to the best of me lately. It's an exhausting battle. Solution: Now, I bet Newbie $20 I could lose 10 pounds before him. Determination and goal set.
2. Not knowing the unknown. When I write this I mean not knowing the future. Not knowing what is coming next. I have had some curveballs that have been thrown in my face and knocked me out. I handled those situations the best I could but hated the hurt and growth it brought sometimes. We want to know our future. I want to know if this relationship is "it." But I don't know that. I want to know where I will be planted in the next five years (hopefully not in Spartanburg). I have all these questions that I want to know...now. But, what good is the ride or going to the movie if you already know how it's going to end? Patience hasn't been my best quality lately. However, I also know I am not a fan of hanging around or doing something knowing I could have been doing something else productive with my life. Again, another exhausting battle. Solution: Find my grind and keep going. Focus on me only.
3. Being away from my buddy. This has been the hardest, and I think it falls in line with not knowing the unknown. I went from spending weekends with Newbie and having him with me to not seeing him but once a month. Not knowing what he is doing, talking to, or anything--it's been incredibly hard. Keeping up with him is a full time job and having 500 miles between us just made it even more challenging. I am not saying I should be checking behind him because then that looks like I do not have one ounce of trust in our relationship. But the comfort of him near me isn't as regular as it used to be. Solution: Count down the days til we see each other again, and communicate!
So what makes us women so territorial when it comes to our men when they haven't even really done anything or give us a reason to be that way? Mothering instinct? Protecting what is ours? In my head, I think to myself, "Man. I am finally happy in a relationship. I have found someone that I am falling for, that makes me laugh, and everything just seems to be falling into place." The thought of someone coming between us or trying to take what is mine gives me an urgency to protect my territory. The thought of it unraveling is unsettling. Do I trust Newbie? Yes. Has it been easy? Heck no. Do I trust other girls? No, not really. As I sit here thinking about all of this, I think back to my post where I wrote about learning how to trust in a relationship again. I'm just looking at this like it's another level of learning to trust. All this isn't new to Newbie (ha-say that five times fast). I told him how I felt this past weekend because he could "see the wheels turning" in my head (he's too good). He was understanding and reassuring, like always. He probably thinks, "Good God. What have I gotten myself into?" It's something I'm working on and making an honest effort to improve from my side.
But, men, what are some things you could do to ease your woman's mind if she's like this? Just some thoughts from my end.
1. Tell her good morning and good night every day. First thing on your mind, last thing you think about before going to bed.
2. Compliment her--inside and out. Think she looks great in her outfit? Tell her. Love how she handled the rude cashier or struggling with her job? Encourage her.
3. Do something that lets her know that you are thinking about her. A text. A card. A voicemail. A post-it note on the coffee pot. Anything will do.
4. When you are with her, be with her. Listen, converse, and hold eye contact. Touch her, hold her hand, stroke her head--we notice those little things.
5. Profess your like/love for her. I'm not saying a mushy status or tweet--keep that private for your journal. But, a shoutout on social media, a throwback picture of you two...It's like you are claiming your territory, too. It feels good to know you like to brag on us, too.
Girls, are you with me? Or am I totally out on a limb here? Men- any thoughts? Am I just totally failing at this dating from a distance thing or rather this is normal and something I just have to work through? Here's to hoping next month is more practical and refreshing.
Tonight, however, I'm not really going to write about my trip. Another topic has been circling in my mind lately and has been the topic of some conversations with my friends, coincidently. Care to take a guess?
Yeah, you're probably too tired to guess so I'll just start. Jealousy and being territorial.
I have never been the jealous type. I have always been super trusting in relationships and friendships. In the past, I never worried about girls hitting on the guy I was seeing or the guy sneaking around behind my back. Why fool around with another girl or guy when you are committed to someone else? If you are not happy in that relationship then please be honest, bow out gracefully and do your thing. Because, if you choose to take the sneaky road and hide your private business, it will come to light eventually. It's funny how small of a world it is and how people connect, talk, and share...just sayin'.
Lately, I have become more territorial. At first, I blamed it on my PMS because we all know my previous experiences of hormonal issues. (Side note: Last Monday PMS reared it's ugly head. Big time. My apologies for anyone that came in contact with me that day. Lots of tears, and a very big sarcastic-you're-getting-on-my-nerves-you-are-not-my-favorite-person attitude.) But, getting past my PMSing and continuing on with my life--it just continued. I won't say it got worse but it hasn't lessened. I talked to a good friend/co-worker about it today. She's married to a fabulous husband and a great bunch of kids (noticed I said bunch). She said she still struggles with this issue to this day. Her husband has never given her a reason to be this way--she just is. You may think, "Well, she has issues obviously." But, girls, you can't tell me somewhere in the back of your mind you don't wonder what goes on behind those private Facebook messages, text messages, and quick emails. Or, when you see a girl that you have never seen or heard and start making appearances on his social media--you turn into Carmen San Diego. Well. Carmen San Diego disappears but you start to track clues and create a timeline in your head and make up all these crazy situations. You have this sudden urge to check his texts, maybe "forget" to log out of his facebook and just filter through and see if anything catches your eye.
And maybe you don't. Bravo and kudos to you. Please tell me where you get this self control at?
After talking to some friends, I think I figured out where I'm failing at in this situation. It's pretty much a combination of different things. I'm about to get really raw and expose some skin here. So bare with me (bonus points if you caught the pun).
1. I have been totally insecure lately. Not really feeling good about myself (i.e. lack of grooming), I have found myself comparing me to other girls. I don't mean celebrities. I mean girls that I pass, meet, or friends of mine. Usually being a pretty motivated girl, I don't let this get me down too often. But, I think to myself, "Well. She's totally pretty and looks awesome in that picture. Why wouldn't he try to be with her?" And I feel like I'm speaking on the behalf of most single girls here. Maybe some married women feel this way. I'm not positive. But I know my mind has gotten to the best of me lately. It's an exhausting battle. Solution: Now, I bet Newbie $20 I could lose 10 pounds before him. Determination and goal set.
2. Not knowing the unknown. When I write this I mean not knowing the future. Not knowing what is coming next. I have had some curveballs that have been thrown in my face and knocked me out. I handled those situations the best I could but hated the hurt and growth it brought sometimes. We want to know our future. I want to know if this relationship is "it." But I don't know that. I want to know where I will be planted in the next five years (hopefully not in Spartanburg). I have all these questions that I want to know...now. But, what good is the ride or going to the movie if you already know how it's going to end? Patience hasn't been my best quality lately. However, I also know I am not a fan of hanging around or doing something knowing I could have been doing something else productive with my life. Again, another exhausting battle. Solution: Find my grind and keep going. Focus on me only.
3. Being away from my buddy. This has been the hardest, and I think it falls in line with not knowing the unknown. I went from spending weekends with Newbie and having him with me to not seeing him but once a month. Not knowing what he is doing, talking to, or anything--it's been incredibly hard. Keeping up with him is a full time job and having 500 miles between us just made it even more challenging. I am not saying I should be checking behind him because then that looks like I do not have one ounce of trust in our relationship. But the comfort of him near me isn't as regular as it used to be. Solution: Count down the days til we see each other again, and communicate!
So what makes us women so territorial when it comes to our men when they haven't even really done anything or give us a reason to be that way? Mothering instinct? Protecting what is ours? In my head, I think to myself, "Man. I am finally happy in a relationship. I have found someone that I am falling for, that makes me laugh, and everything just seems to be falling into place." The thought of someone coming between us or trying to take what is mine gives me an urgency to protect my territory. The thought of it unraveling is unsettling. Do I trust Newbie? Yes. Has it been easy? Heck no. Do I trust other girls? No, not really. As I sit here thinking about all of this, I think back to my post where I wrote about learning how to trust in a relationship again. I'm just looking at this like it's another level of learning to trust. All this isn't new to Newbie (ha-say that five times fast). I told him how I felt this past weekend because he could "see the wheels turning" in my head (he's too good). He was understanding and reassuring, like always. He probably thinks, "Good God. What have I gotten myself into?" It's something I'm working on and making an honest effort to improve from my side.
But, men, what are some things you could do to ease your woman's mind if she's like this? Just some thoughts from my end.
1. Tell her good morning and good night every day. First thing on your mind, last thing you think about before going to bed.
2. Compliment her--inside and out. Think she looks great in her outfit? Tell her. Love how she handled the rude cashier or struggling with her job? Encourage her.
3. Do something that lets her know that you are thinking about her. A text. A card. A voicemail. A post-it note on the coffee pot. Anything will do.
4. When you are with her, be with her. Listen, converse, and hold eye contact. Touch her, hold her hand, stroke her head--we notice those little things.
5. Profess your like/love for her. I'm not saying a mushy status or tweet--keep that private for your journal. But, a shoutout on social media, a throwback picture of you two...It's like you are claiming your territory, too. It feels good to know you like to brag on us, too.
Girls, are you with me? Or am I totally out on a limb here? Men- any thoughts? Am I just totally failing at this dating from a distance thing or rather this is normal and something I just have to work through? Here's to hoping next month is more practical and refreshing.
Saturday, February 8, 2014
Doing Me While Dating from a Distance
My most serious relationships have been long distance relationships. I just realized that. Does that mean something about me--I love best from a distance? Man. I hope not. Surely not. I don't know. Maybe I just like my space or I just prefer men who do not live in Spartanburg. We'll go with the later.
When Newbie moved to Mississippi a few weeks a go, the term "long distance" took a whole new meaning in my book. Previously, long distance was only 60 miles away and turned into a weekend relationship with occasional dates during the week. Now, we are looking at over 500 miles away with our next date no where in sight. All I can say is thank goodness for Snapchat and text messages.
I hit a pretty big low this past week dealing with Newbie being gone. The last few weekends I have been pretty busy. For some reason, it hit me really hard this week that he is not around. I think I realized this while I was in the shower. I bent down to wash my feet. As I got closer to my legs I realized that I could not remember the last time I had shaved my legs or washed my hair. I noticed I needed a pedicure pretty badly. As I was washing my face, I noticed I needed to pluck my eyebrows and do some major cleansing on my face. All those "procedures" took place when I saw Newbie on the reg. But, because I have not seen him in over three weeks and knowing no time soon, I wasn't "pampering" myself on a regular basis. I thought to myself, "If he were to walk in right now and see my current condition, he may just walk right back out the door, all the way to Mississippi." Bravo, Jess. I ran into some mutual friends of ours last Saturday and I was thinking in the back of my mind, "They are probably thinking I have let myself go and Newbie is crazy to be with me. Gross, Jess."
So, I thought to myself today (as I watched The Millionaire Matchmaker with my third cup of coffee), "How can I turn these down-time moments into something productive? What am I going to do with myself? Sleeping a Saturday away isn't going to help you at all" (I slept till noon due to a large dosage of Nyquil from the night before because I had no need to get up early).
I feel like I am going back to reinventing myself. Trying to find my happy balance. I called my mom Thursday night so upset I could barely get my words out. It was a pretty emotional draining week and I was at my breaking point. She just kept saying, "I know it hurts. I know it's hard. But put yourself first, Jess. Just let it all out." I did just that. I let it hurt, and I just cried. I'm not sure I could pinpoint what exactly hurt. Knowing I was going another weekend without seeing Newbie? Finding out that it very well may be another two-three months before we see one another again? Being with one of my best friends as she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl and starting a new part of a life I am longing for? Being out of wine? Or was it just exhaustion? I'm am going to go with all of the above.
What is a girl to do? First things first, I shaved my legs. And my arms. And my toes. And any other part of my body that has hair (can I get an amen or was that too much information?). I then dragged my sorry butt to the gym and ran until I was exhausted. I treated myself to a caramel skinny iced latte and got my tan on. Something about the smell of my sweat, Starbucks and tanning oil instantly perked up my attitude. I would like to say that next I did something amazing, like fed the homeless or cleaned out and reorganized my closet. But all I did was open a bottle of Skinny Girl Sangria and curled up in bed to watch Untold Stories of the ER on TLC.
Baby steps. One. Two. Three.
So, what do I do next? I'm not quite sure. Continue a pattern of the gym, obviously. I know, I know--exercising increases happy endorphins. With the rest of the time I am trying to make a point to spend more time with friends and their kids. I have found myself calling my mother more. Working has been my sanity (and that's pretty sad where such a crazy job seems so normal). I have plans to visit friends in NC in the next few weekends just so I can leave town for a few days. But that will only go so far and last so long until I am bored with that. That just sounded really bad. I'm not saying seeing my friends is boring but you miss that longing that friends cannot fill.
I guess the worst part is I start to think in the back of my mind, "Man. I hope this is worth it and it's going somewhere." I am trying not to compare my past long distance relationship to my current situation. I guess if anything I learned we both have to do a whole lot more communicating and be creative in letting one another know that we're going to be ok. Hand written letters, text messages, voicemails and late at night phone calls have been my saving grace.
(And, for the record--can we not compare this to a couple where one of them may be in the army and they go months and months without seeing one another? That is a whole other level of relationship strength that I am not sure I could handle. Those couples--I admire.)
I'll continue on the path of righteousness. Our prayer has been that this is God's will for us. His opportunity is there and my opportunity is here--apparently taking care of myself (a.k.a. grooming). It hasn't been quite a month since Newbie has left. I refuse to turn into that pathetic girl that just becomes so dang dependent on a male. So, I'm pulling my big ole panties up and going to deal with my current situation. I'll find my own fun again in this small town. I'm just going to do me--whatever that is.
When Newbie moved to Mississippi a few weeks a go, the term "long distance" took a whole new meaning in my book. Previously, long distance was only 60 miles away and turned into a weekend relationship with occasional dates during the week. Now, we are looking at over 500 miles away with our next date no where in sight. All I can say is thank goodness for Snapchat and text messages.
I hit a pretty big low this past week dealing with Newbie being gone. The last few weekends I have been pretty busy. For some reason, it hit me really hard this week that he is not around. I think I realized this while I was in the shower. I bent down to wash my feet. As I got closer to my legs I realized that I could not remember the last time I had shaved my legs or washed my hair. I noticed I needed a pedicure pretty badly. As I was washing my face, I noticed I needed to pluck my eyebrows and do some major cleansing on my face. All those "procedures" took place when I saw Newbie on the reg. But, because I have not seen him in over three weeks and knowing no time soon, I wasn't "pampering" myself on a regular basis. I thought to myself, "If he were to walk in right now and see my current condition, he may just walk right back out the door, all the way to Mississippi." Bravo, Jess. I ran into some mutual friends of ours last Saturday and I was thinking in the back of my mind, "They are probably thinking I have let myself go and Newbie is crazy to be with me. Gross, Jess."
So, I thought to myself today (as I watched The Millionaire Matchmaker with my third cup of coffee), "How can I turn these down-time moments into something productive? What am I going to do with myself? Sleeping a Saturday away isn't going to help you at all" (I slept till noon due to a large dosage of Nyquil from the night before because I had no need to get up early).
I feel like I am going back to reinventing myself. Trying to find my happy balance. I called my mom Thursday night so upset I could barely get my words out. It was a pretty emotional draining week and I was at my breaking point. She just kept saying, "I know it hurts. I know it's hard. But put yourself first, Jess. Just let it all out." I did just that. I let it hurt, and I just cried. I'm not sure I could pinpoint what exactly hurt. Knowing I was going another weekend without seeing Newbie? Finding out that it very well may be another two-three months before we see one another again? Being with one of my best friends as she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl and starting a new part of a life I am longing for? Being out of wine? Or was it just exhaustion? I'm am going to go with all of the above.
What is a girl to do? First things first, I shaved my legs. And my arms. And my toes. And any other part of my body that has hair (can I get an amen or was that too much information?). I then dragged my sorry butt to the gym and ran until I was exhausted. I treated myself to a caramel skinny iced latte and got my tan on. Something about the smell of my sweat, Starbucks and tanning oil instantly perked up my attitude. I would like to say that next I did something amazing, like fed the homeless or cleaned out and reorganized my closet. But all I did was open a bottle of Skinny Girl Sangria and curled up in bed to watch Untold Stories of the ER on TLC.
Baby steps. One. Two. Three.
So, what do I do next? I'm not quite sure. Continue a pattern of the gym, obviously. I know, I know--exercising increases happy endorphins. With the rest of the time I am trying to make a point to spend more time with friends and their kids. I have found myself calling my mother more. Working has been my sanity (and that's pretty sad where such a crazy job seems so normal). I have plans to visit friends in NC in the next few weekends just so I can leave town for a few days. But that will only go so far and last so long until I am bored with that. That just sounded really bad. I'm not saying seeing my friends is boring but you miss that longing that friends cannot fill.
I guess the worst part is I start to think in the back of my mind, "Man. I hope this is worth it and it's going somewhere." I am trying not to compare my past long distance relationship to my current situation. I guess if anything I learned we both have to do a whole lot more communicating and be creative in letting one another know that we're going to be ok. Hand written letters, text messages, voicemails and late at night phone calls have been my saving grace.
(And, for the record--can we not compare this to a couple where one of them may be in the army and they go months and months without seeing one another? That is a whole other level of relationship strength that I am not sure I could handle. Those couples--I admire.)
I'll continue on the path of righteousness. Our prayer has been that this is God's will for us. His opportunity is there and my opportunity is here--apparently taking care of myself (a.k.a. grooming). It hasn't been quite a month since Newbie has left. I refuse to turn into that pathetic girl that just becomes so dang dependent on a male. So, I'm pulling my big ole panties up and going to deal with my current situation. I'll find my own fun again in this small town. I'm just going to do me--whatever that is.
Saturday, January 25, 2014
Just let me be selfish for five minutes, ok?
The last three weeks have been a complete blur, and I have felt like I'm not quite sure what to expect next.
In short: Newbie took a job as Assistant Coach to the Men's Golf at Ole Miss. He moved there this past week.
When Newbie applied and told me about the job, I was hopeful for him but in the back of my mind I thought, "Ole Miss. I mean, Newbie is good from what I hear as a golfer (ha!) but really, God? Mississippi? Nah." Then the interviews started coming and each week brought the possibility of Ole Miss becoming a reality. It was time for the final interview with Newbie flying out to Ole Miss for a couple of days. Luckily, I had Lo's shower to keep me occupied and mind off the fact that he could be moving to Mississippi for good. A few short days later on a Tuesday, that could turned into would. When I received the phone call, I was sitting the library during lunch. As I hung up, I felt tears stream down my cheek. I immediately thought, "How pathetic am I? Get it together, Stro." And that's just what I did.
We quickly found out that he would be leaving the next week, which really threw us into this whole, "Is this really happening? Where does this leave us?" I really struggled with the fact and balance of being the supportive girlfriend and being selfish to want to keep him here in Spartanburg. I never once uttered the word, "Stay" because I knew that would be wrong. Instead, knowing Newbie's desire to move up in the coaching college world, I repeatedly said the word, "Go." Here is his opportunity to do great things without having to be responsible for a family. Why wouldn't he go? I made a promise to myself that I would do whatever I needed to do to help him get to Mississippi.
Meredith, knowing my true personality and what was going through my head, she reminded me that I needed to be positive when speaking with Newbie about this "exciting! new! adventure!" but if I were ever want to vent (or cry) to be sure to speak with her or any of our other friends and not just hole up like I usually do. For the most part-- I was ok throughout that week. I kept my feelings in check when I would talk to Newbie or when I would see him. The Saturday before he left, we were sitting in his apartment having our typical lay-on-the-couch-and-veg night. As we were talking about his upcoming move, I started to cry. Knowing Newbie hates to see girls cry, I tried to keep it under control and not completely lose it from keeping it in all week. Plus, when I cry-that rarely happens.Well, I tried to hide it at first but that was dumb of me to do. He starts questioning why I am crying because "it's not like it's the end for us." I told him, "Just let me be selfish for five minutes, ok! I have been so good this last week. Just let me cry!" And he did because sometimes a girl just has to let it go.
I think what has scared me the most about Newbie leaving is the thought of having another long distance relationship. My one-hour-away-long-distance relationship obviously did not work. If I couldn't make a relationship work that was one hour away, how can I possibly do 7 plus hours with a career that takes him traveling for several weekends in a row throughout the year? Reading that makes me sound like I don't have hope or trust in mine and Newbie's relationship. I do but sometimes when you feel like you are going against the wind, you get tired of pushing. I had finally found a relationship that I was comfortable in and was progressing at a strong, quick rate. Feelings were developing at a much stronger rate that I ever thought could happen. What was once a huge wall had been knocked down slowly over time and I felt exposed. Our weekends together have gone from Friday Mexican date nights-Saturday veg nights-Sunday naps to having to plan out weekend visits a month in advance. It's like I'm that kid that just sits down in the middle of the store and refuses to move. I wasn't sure where I stood with Newbie prior to the move, but once I found out that we would be hours apart--emotions and feelings rose in me that I didn't now was there. My best friend, partner in crime, and buddy was leaving me.
However, in order for this relationship to even have a chance in surviving, I know I will have to give it an honest effort. I have to trust Newbie. I have to trust myself. I have to trust God. As many times I have prayed for Him to close the door to this relationship, God has left it opened. I have to be willing to take a backseat for a little bit to Newbie's career. I am going to have to learn a whole new level of understanding. I didn't have a lot of that at the beginning of meeting and hanging out with Newbie, but now it's different because my feelings are different. Communication just got taken to a whole other level. I feel like Newbie and I have done more talking in the last three weeks than we have done in the last 3 months. Looking ahead to seeing him again and replaying our last few days together is what has gotten me through the last day or two.
There have been moments where I have been more positive about this-knowing that this is just short term and isn't forever. Receiving his excited messages, pictures, and hearing his "When you get here, we're going to..." thoughts ease me. I am so incredibly proud of Newbie and honestly, jealous that he has this opportunity. An opportunity to leave Spartanburg and go somewhere to live and do what he loves in a town that we have never experienced before--starting something new! Newbie's opportunity called him to Mississippi. My opportunity is still here in Spartanburg. And our relationship lies somewhere between. I know that everything little thing is gonna be alright. But if one more person tells me, "If it's meant to be, it will be" then I am going to punch them in the throat.
Here's to blogs about roadtrips to MS and giving this whole long distance relationship thing another try. I'm not a quitter. You fight for what you want, right?
In short: Newbie took a job as Assistant Coach to the Men's Golf at Ole Miss. He moved there this past week.
When Newbie applied and told me about the job, I was hopeful for him but in the back of my mind I thought, "Ole Miss. I mean, Newbie is good from what I hear as a golfer (ha!) but really, God? Mississippi? Nah." Then the interviews started coming and each week brought the possibility of Ole Miss becoming a reality. It was time for the final interview with Newbie flying out to Ole Miss for a couple of days. Luckily, I had Lo's shower to keep me occupied and mind off the fact that he could be moving to Mississippi for good. A few short days later on a Tuesday, that could turned into would. When I received the phone call, I was sitting the library during lunch. As I hung up, I felt tears stream down my cheek. I immediately thought, "How pathetic am I? Get it together, Stro." And that's just what I did.
We quickly found out that he would be leaving the next week, which really threw us into this whole, "Is this really happening? Where does this leave us?" I really struggled with the fact and balance of being the supportive girlfriend and being selfish to want to keep him here in Spartanburg. I never once uttered the word, "Stay" because I knew that would be wrong. Instead, knowing Newbie's desire to move up in the coaching college world, I repeatedly said the word, "Go." Here is his opportunity to do great things without having to be responsible for a family. Why wouldn't he go? I made a promise to myself that I would do whatever I needed to do to help him get to Mississippi.
Meredith, knowing my true personality and what was going through my head, she reminded me that I needed to be positive when speaking with Newbie about this "exciting! new! adventure!" but if I were ever want to vent (or cry) to be sure to speak with her or any of our other friends and not just hole up like I usually do. For the most part-- I was ok throughout that week. I kept my feelings in check when I would talk to Newbie or when I would see him. The Saturday before he left, we were sitting in his apartment having our typical lay-on-the-couch-and-veg night. As we were talking about his upcoming move, I started to cry. Knowing Newbie hates to see girls cry, I tried to keep it under control and not completely lose it from keeping it in all week. Plus, when I cry-that rarely happens.Well, I tried to hide it at first but that was dumb of me to do. He starts questioning why I am crying because "it's not like it's the end for us." I told him, "Just let me be selfish for five minutes, ok! I have been so good this last week. Just let me cry!" And he did because sometimes a girl just has to let it go.
I think what has scared me the most about Newbie leaving is the thought of having another long distance relationship. My one-hour-away-long-distance relationship obviously did not work. If I couldn't make a relationship work that was one hour away, how can I possibly do 7 plus hours with a career that takes him traveling for several weekends in a row throughout the year? Reading that makes me sound like I don't have hope or trust in mine and Newbie's relationship. I do but sometimes when you feel like you are going against the wind, you get tired of pushing. I had finally found a relationship that I was comfortable in and was progressing at a strong, quick rate. Feelings were developing at a much stronger rate that I ever thought could happen. What was once a huge wall had been knocked down slowly over time and I felt exposed. Our weekends together have gone from Friday Mexican date nights-Saturday veg nights-Sunday naps to having to plan out weekend visits a month in advance. It's like I'm that kid that just sits down in the middle of the store and refuses to move. I wasn't sure where I stood with Newbie prior to the move, but once I found out that we would be hours apart--emotions and feelings rose in me that I didn't now was there. My best friend, partner in crime, and buddy was leaving me.
However, in order for this relationship to even have a chance in surviving, I know I will have to give it an honest effort. I have to trust Newbie. I have to trust myself. I have to trust God. As many times I have prayed for Him to close the door to this relationship, God has left it opened. I have to be willing to take a backseat for a little bit to Newbie's career. I am going to have to learn a whole new level of understanding. I didn't have a lot of that at the beginning of meeting and hanging out with Newbie, but now it's different because my feelings are different. Communication just got taken to a whole other level. I feel like Newbie and I have done more talking in the last three weeks than we have done in the last 3 months. Looking ahead to seeing him again and replaying our last few days together is what has gotten me through the last day or two.
There have been moments where I have been more positive about this-knowing that this is just short term and isn't forever. Receiving his excited messages, pictures, and hearing his "When you get here, we're going to..." thoughts ease me. I am so incredibly proud of Newbie and honestly, jealous that he has this opportunity. An opportunity to leave Spartanburg and go somewhere to live and do what he loves in a town that we have never experienced before--starting something new! Newbie's opportunity called him to Mississippi. My opportunity is still here in Spartanburg. And our relationship lies somewhere between. I know that everything little thing is gonna be alright. But if one more person tells me, "If it's meant to be, it will be" then I am going to punch them in the throat.
Here's to blogs about roadtrips to MS and giving this whole long distance relationship thing another try. I'm not a quitter. You fight for what you want, right?
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
Sometimes a girl just needs to be rescued.
Today was not my day. It was one of "those days." And I guess looking back it wasn't a horrible day. It could have been much worse. However, it just started off wrong.
Looking forward to my 2 hour delay, I was excited to be able to sleep in. Yesterday I had been fighting a fever and sore throat, so I pretty much slept all yesterday afternoon and night. I wasn't in the best mood (still really not). I woke up at 7:30, praying school had just been canceled. But nope. So I dragged my sorry tail out of bed and got dressed. My brother, being the kind hearted soul that he is, went to heat up my car.
Dead battery. Why flippin' me. Running late, I had no choice but for my brother to take me to school like I was middle school again--dropping me off and picking me up. Brother to the rescue!
When I got home, my car still would not start. Luckily, another friend of mine was just a street over and he was able to start my car with some jumper cables. Billy to the rescue! Fingers crossed that it will start again in the morning.
But, at that point of the day, I just wanted to cry. I was whiny. I had on my sad face and sulked to washing dishes (a strange activity I like to do when I am thinking or upset about something). I am thankful that my brother and Billy were there to help. It just made me realize that I cannot do everything on my own. Sometimes you just have to accept the defeat and be rescued.
Any woman can say that she doesn't need a man to help her get stuff done. Been there, done that, said that. There are times though it is just nice to set back and let a man do something for you...and there are some things that they are better at, like cars. Yeah. I said it. They are better at some things. Key word: some things. Anyways, I can act like I do not need a man to help with taking down my Christmas tree or laying pine needles in the front and back yard. I can pretend like I don't need a man to cut my grass or lift a heavy box for me. But, would it be nice if a man did it for me? Of course. Maybe I am not vocal enough to tell a guy each time that I would like for him to do something for me. I guess that goes back to pride. And sometimes I just like that element of surprise of a man doing something kind or out of the ordinary for me to show that he was thinking of me and trying to help me. Unfortunately, sometimes a guy doesn't get those hints or ideas on their own. That's a whole other blog post. The point is, when the action from a guy is an unexpected surprise or we asked that you do it for us--we notice it. We take note. We appreciate it. Or at least, I know I do.
Am I a damsel in distress every day? Definitely not. But I do have my days and moments when I liked to spoiled or just have the burden lifted off my shoulders for a little bit. Especially when it comes to cars. I freak out when my car isn't working like it should. It's nice to crawl up in the arms of a man that cares for you, let you cry a tear or two and comfort you. Ok. That sounded pathetic. But I'm still having my moment ok? I'll just eat a Reese Tree, drink a cold glass of milk, and crawl into bed with another episode of One Tree Hill on Netflix. Let me be.
Update: Woke up Wednesday morning to no water due to frozen water pipes. Someone give me another Reese tree.
Looking forward to my 2 hour delay, I was excited to be able to sleep in. Yesterday I had been fighting a fever and sore throat, so I pretty much slept all yesterday afternoon and night. I wasn't in the best mood (still really not). I woke up at 7:30, praying school had just been canceled. But nope. So I dragged my sorry tail out of bed and got dressed. My brother, being the kind hearted soul that he is, went to heat up my car.
Dead battery. Why flippin' me. Running late, I had no choice but for my brother to take me to school like I was middle school again--dropping me off and picking me up. Brother to the rescue!
When I got home, my car still would not start. Luckily, another friend of mine was just a street over and he was able to start my car with some jumper cables. Billy to the rescue! Fingers crossed that it will start again in the morning.
But, at that point of the day, I just wanted to cry. I was whiny. I had on my sad face and sulked to washing dishes (a strange activity I like to do when I am thinking or upset about something). I am thankful that my brother and Billy were there to help. It just made me realize that I cannot do everything on my own. Sometimes you just have to accept the defeat and be rescued.
Any woman can say that she doesn't need a man to help her get stuff done. Been there, done that, said that. There are times though it is just nice to set back and let a man do something for you...and there are some things that they are better at, like cars. Yeah. I said it. They are better at some things. Key word: some things. Anyways, I can act like I do not need a man to help with taking down my Christmas tree or laying pine needles in the front and back yard. I can pretend like I don't need a man to cut my grass or lift a heavy box for me. But, would it be nice if a man did it for me? Of course. Maybe I am not vocal enough to tell a guy each time that I would like for him to do something for me. I guess that goes back to pride. And sometimes I just like that element of surprise of a man doing something kind or out of the ordinary for me to show that he was thinking of me and trying to help me. Unfortunately, sometimes a guy doesn't get those hints or ideas on their own. That's a whole other blog post. The point is, when the action from a guy is an unexpected surprise or we asked that you do it for us--we notice it. We take note. We appreciate it. Or at least, I know I do.
Am I a damsel in distress every day? Definitely not. But I do have my days and moments when I liked to spoiled or just have the burden lifted off my shoulders for a little bit. Especially when it comes to cars. I freak out when my car isn't working like it should. It's nice to crawl up in the arms of a man that cares for you, let you cry a tear or two and comfort you. Ok. That sounded pathetic. But I'm still having my moment ok? I'll just eat a Reese Tree, drink a cold glass of milk, and crawl into bed with another episode of One Tree Hill on Netflix. Let me be.
"Well, Jessica! You could be homeless right now!" -My mother, the encourager
Update: Woke up Wednesday morning to no water due to frozen water pipes. Someone give me another Reese tree.
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