Boys, it's time to MAN UP.

    I have spent the last few days getting away at Pawley's Island to spend some time with my college best friend, Jess. We haven't seen one another in three years so naturally, we had a lot to talk about. And like most girls, the conversation always some how went back to boys. My first night here we laid in bed til midnight, sharing stories of the "men" that have been a part of of our life in the last three years. This ranged from exes to current interests to our fathers and brothers (and all those in between, which will remain unnamed). The next day we took the conversation to the beach. As we laid there in our chairs, tossing pistachio shells, inhaling the deep salt air, we talked about what our desires are for a future husband or in a boyfriend. But, we quickly realized that in order to find a man of the quality that we desire, want, and most importantly deserve, men of our generation need to step up.

    They need to man up.

    What does this look like to us? We instantly started firing off qualities, interests, and requirements that we look for in a mate. Some were serious, some were totally off the cuff and hilarious. While we don't want to come across like we are bashing men of our generation--we just want to reiterate and bring some points to life. This is just our view as two young Christian women, just trying to stay afloat in the dating world--and trying to find that man that will not conform to the worldy view of how a man should be.

1. An identity securely rooted in Christ. Figuring out who you are is probably one of the most confusing things in life. People change over time. And some people are ok with change--others, not so much. However, if you have a true, consistent relationship with Christ, then that is who you should identify yourself with. I almost think men struggle with this more than women. Men are called to be the providers for a family. Men compare themselves to other men physically, professionally, and in wealth. Some men may say they don't care--but they do deep down. They are terrible liars if they don't admit to this, to some extent. I don't necessarily mean they covet their neighbor, but they want to be the best at whatever they do. And when I say that, I am referring to men that are self motivated. Men are so competitive. I have a good friend in which everything is a competition to him. I find myself accepting his little challenges because I don't want to be out done. I even notice this in my boy students. When we play any game, they are always out for blood. I once had a student throw a kickball at my head just so he could say he tagged me out of the game and beat the teacher. What does this have to do with having an identity in Christ? Guys who have their identity rooted in Christ have the freedom to be competitive, but know that every "game" has already been won. Men are competitive because their pride is on the line. But, when their identity is rooted in Christ, it's not their pride that is on the line. Our purpose on this Earth is to bring God glory in everything we do--even in that game of basketball. I should be able to look at a man and see that he is a Christ follower- not just a fan. 
2. An eye for true beauty. Did you know that magazines spend over $2,000 just touching up a model on it's cover? As women, society expects us to compete with that. I may have a loot of styling products and make up in my bathroom vanity, but it's no where near worth $2,000 to make me look that good. This image has become a quest for the average man to obtain in a girlfriend, wife, and even a friend. The Bible states that outward beauty is fleeting but the inside of a woman's heart is her true beauty. A woman's inner beauty is designed to enhance her physical beauty. We all have met that person that upon first glance, you may not necessarily be attracted to him or her. But, as you get to know that person and their personality, you become attracted to them and you see them in a new light, in a new perspective. A woman could be breathtakingly beautiful, but at the same time have the ability to be ugly. I am tired of true beauty being belittled by our culture. I am tired of a hearing my guy friends joke about the younger the woman, the better. The tighter the butt, the bigger the boobs--the better lay she will be in bed. Do men realize what this does to a woman's confidence? How could I even compete with that when I have the curves of a Kardashian? When a man notices a woman's true beauty, he not only compliments her outward appearance but also her qualities that makes her unique. I know I have a huge butt. I also know that my future love will find this trait endearing. Jess has little boobs, but we know her future husband will find that sexy. But more importantly he should be drawn to our relationship with Christ and our unique personalities. So men, don't get so caught up in physical appearance. Don't you know that after we birth your five kids our boobs will hang to our knees, our hair will turn gray, and we will not longer have that hot body of a 28 year old? Compliment us-- the more you continue to build us up emotionally and spiritually, we will have the need and desire to do the same for you, too. 
3. Be a pursuer and a leader. The number one quality I look for in any dating relationship is for the man to be a pursuer. What does it mean to be a pursuer? Jess dated a guy once who was a true pursuer. He sought out her interests. For example, Jess loves goldfish (the food). It's an obsession. When he found this information out, he used it to show he was interested. At a golf tournament, he had a big bag of goldfish sitting in her golf cart for her to snack on all day. He used simple goldfish to see if her heart aligned with his--he protected her heart. He called daily to talk and connect with her. He sought the inside of her-he asked questions that got to the core of who she was. He wasn't afraid to speak his intentions or feelings for her. She was never left wondering about where they stood in their relationship. Wow. My uncle and aunt are 63 years old. And my uncle still pursues my aunt. He leaves sweet notes around the house: "I love you, Jellybean." "I prayed for you this morning, love." When a man is truly interested in a woman, he will pursue a her with pure intentions, single or married. Once he has pursued her, he must be the leader in a relationship. I once told a guy, "I am following your lead in this relationship. If you act uninterested, then I will do the same. I am not going to chase you down, convince, or beg you to hang out with me." When was the last time you asked your girlfriend, wife, or a friend if there was something you could be praying for them about? Are you holding not only yourself accountable but your mates? Put a woman's best interests at heart. Use them to win her over. This could be the most attractive quality a guy could have. 
4. A true gentleman. If you obtain all the above qualities or strive to have them, you are a true gentleman. You not only open the doors for a woman, pay for her meal (I have a friend that this is HUGE in her book), but you watch your language. You're not degrading but uplifting. You're not negative but highlight the positives in a situation. You're more in-tuned in protecting her virtue instead of what our culture deems humorous or acceptable. You make her feel wanted, needed and valued. And you do this if she's 3 years old, 33 years old, or 83 years old-- it's not a strategy of pursuing but a reflection of who you are. How a man treats his mother is a true indication of how he values women. Nothing pleases my heart more than to see a guy who still values his time with his mother. Not that I want to be like your mother--but I would one day like to know that you hold me to the same love and respect as your mother. 

This post was a beast to write. So dang it, man up. 

But women, you have a role to play in this, too. You're next.